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The Grass Isn’t Always Greener

The other day I was changing Sophie’s diaper when Joshua asked me something I had been waiting for him to ask me for, well, ever since Sophie was born…two and a half years ago. He looked at Sophie, then looked at me and said, “Why does Sophie’s pee-pee look like that?”

Finally! I was beginning to think maybe he was blind or just so self-obsessed that he didn’t even notice his sister was different from him down there.

“Well,” I answered matter-of-factly, “Girls have different private parts than boys do. You and Daddy have the same kind of pee-pee and Sophie and Mommy have the same kind of pee-pee.”

Joshua regarded his sister with a look that can only be described as pity mixed with relief. “It’s a good thing I’m not a girl,” he said with a shake of his head.

“Why do you think that?” I asked

“Because I would NOT want my pee-pee to look like THAT!” He gestured toward Sophie with a look of disgust.

I stifled a giggle. ‘Cause seriously ladies? How many times have you thanked the Lord that you DON’T have man parts? Yeah, I think I’ll stick with what I got (which according to my OB-GYN is pretty great)!

It’s nice to know Joshua is comfortable with what he’s got too…and that we won’t be on Oprah discussing transgender tweens in a few years.

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Joshuaversations

Joshua has always been a good talker. He spoke his first word at about seven months (“mm good” – when eating!) Now that he’s five, his conversations are becoming more intellectual and more funny. And also, he’s obsessed with how OLD people are. Well, people, and our cats. Here’s an excerpt from a recent conversation he had with Emily’s daughter Kate (who will be five in a couple weeks):

Joshua: Kate, I need to ask you something. How old are you?

Kate: Well, you already asked me this an hour ago, but I’ll tell you again. I’m four and three-quarters.

Joshua: Well, I’m FIVE! (Proudly shoves five fingers in Kate’s face.)

Kate: (rolls eyes. Emily tells me she is a little tired of everyone else being five already!)

And here is a convo he had with our cat, Molly, who is the ripe old age of 8, slightly younger than our other cat, Paper, who is eight.

Joshua: Molly, you’re seven years old, and I’m five, but I’m bigger than you. You’re older than I am but I’m bigger.

Molly: (stares at him as if to say, “Dude, pet me or move on.”)

Joshua: And Paper is eight years old, and he’s bigger than you too.

Molly: (yawns.) (Man cats are rude!)

Monday, Joshua’s friend Olivia came over. She’s three, and while they were doing a dinosaur puzzle, this conversation ensued:

Joshua: I don’t like dinosaurs. They’re mean!

Olivia: I don’t like them either! They’re mean!

Me: Well, they’re not really mean, they’re just animals…

Joshua: But you don’t have to worry about them anymore, Olivia. They’re extinct. They all DIED.

Olivia: Why did they die?

Joshua: Well, they’re extinct, so they all died.

Olivia: Oh.

Me: (Smacks forehead).

So those are some of my favorite Joshua-isms of late. What are some of the funny things your kids have said recently?

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Mommy is a Buzzkill

Monday I wasn’t feeling well (I’ve got a wicked cold), but I had an appointment to get my hair cut and my brows waxed and there was NO way I was missin’ that. So, I dropped the kids off with my mom at my Grandma’s house so they could visit my Grandma, who thinks her great-grandkids are the bee’s knees. The kids always have the best time there, as my mom & Grandma just playplayplay with them and ply them with sugar before handing them back over to me.

So, when I came to pick the kids up, Joshua wasn’t thrilled to leave. But they’d been there a good three hours and Sophie was ready for a nap. After I got them in the car, I said, “Joshua, did you have fun at Grandma’s today?”

“Yeah, but I’m not having fun now ’cause you’re here.”

Well. Thanks for your honesty, kid.

Later that afternoon, I was feeling really sick and was on the couch in my bathrobe with my tissue box, snuggling with Joshua.

“I’m sad.” he said mournfully.

“Why are you sad baby? Because Mommy’s sick?”

“No, I’m sad because Daddy isn’t here all day.”

Blergh. At least it’s nice to know where I stand.

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