Category: Jenny thinks she’s funny

Last week I introduced you to my hilarious Uncle Paul, after discovering that his witty comments on this here blog were getting some attention from the readers. To further demonstrate his grand sense of humor, let me fill you in on what he did last week for his 60th birthday. He went to the Lynyrd Skynyrd and Kid Rock show in Atlanta. By himself!

Of course Uncle Paul being Uncle Paul, he did not leave the show empty-handed. He came home with a camera full of pictures and a mouth full of witty observations about the crowd’s, um, behavior. UP has a whole facebook album full of pics from the show, but this is about the only one I felt I could show you. Check out these two klassy ladies from the great state of Tennessee (Alli, Jennifer, Jamie, do you know these gals?) dressed for the show:

Ok, not that bikini girl doesn’t have a better body than me, but remind me not to ever wear an outfit that puts my back fat rolls on display, mmkay?

ANYHOO – here are Uncle Paul’s comments on the show:

Ticket a gift, Parking $20, T shirt, $35.00, Water $4.00, Sprite $4.00, Soft Pretzel $5.00 – the experience – PRICELESS!

Crimes of fashion everywhere. From the start I felt overdressed, under tattooed and under pierced. It was butt crack halter top, ball cap, pierced navel, butt crack, ball cap, tube top as far as the eye could see.

I also now support the 18th amendment more than every before and suggest we reinstate it! So many drunks, so little time.

Ok, this is Jenny again. Here’s my favorite part and the whole point of this post. (Besides the point that my Uncle Paul is hilarious.) Apparently there were PARENTS (plural!) who thought it would be a good idea to take their little kids to a Lynyrd Skynyrd/Kid Rock show for some summer fun. Whaaa?? Did they stop at the strip club on the way home?? From Uncle Paul’s observations:

And the T shirts! I tried to get a picture of the 9 year old kid holding his mother’s beer while she was lighting her cigarette in front of the No Smoking sign, But I couldn’t sneak one. Oh yes, he was wearing a T-shirt that said “Kid Ma F#$%^%$ Rock! Yeah, I’d love to be in on that school conference.

Oh, and the father of three sitting next me who lit up a joint, and was surprised when the security guard told him he was sitting in the No Smoking section!!

The concert was great!

So remember parents, if you are an adult like Uncle Paul, feel free to wear your bikini and jeans shirts to a fun summer concert, but don’t take your kids, let them wear clothing with profanities, or make them hold your drinks.

And for heaven’s sake! Smoke your joints in private!

Happy summer everyone!

Perhaps you have noticed if you are a faithful reader of this drivel blog that I have a very faithful commenter in the person of my Uncle Paul. He is my dad’s younger brother, and one of the funniest people I know. In fact I have said before that I think I get my FABULOUS sense of humor from him because I really don’t think I got it from my parents (sorry mom and dad!) Here’s a picture of my Uncle Paul (left) with my dad: aren’t they cute old dudes?

Anyhoo, last Saturday I was at a super-fun party hosted by Katie and Andrea was there, and we were talking about blogging, and she was like, “I love how your Uncle Paul comments on every post! He is so funny! His comments crack me up!”

That’s right, Uncle Paul, you have at least one fan of your own! And she is Kind of a Big Deal!

Here’s a small sampling of some of Uncle Paul’s greatest comment hits:

On slutty little girls clothing: “Excellent post! Since I’m in a High School everyday where everything worn is from either Abertrampy and Skank or from Hos R’ Us, nothing surprises me.” (view post)

On my eyebrow waxing: “I am sure you knew that being a Brads, you would eventually have to do something. You might want to try getting them threaded, apparently it is less painful…not that I know…having and keeping the “manly unibrow” and all!!” (view post)

On my (our) inbreeding: “I may not have mentioned it, but Cenie and Charles are also related on her father’s and his mother’s sides. One couple. One couple had two children who figure in. They are your great-great-great-great-great-grandparents via Della and Charles M. Sr. Apparently the town was very small! Frankly, I think my astonishing good looks are the result of “keeping the genes pure”…ya know, kinda’ like the Royal Family.” (view post)

On my music choices: “I am a total Kelly Clarkson fan…and Jenny, My life would suck without you!! ;)” (view post)

And finally, this one’s for Emily – on my birthday-cake-baking-anxiety: “I am sure Kroger has a bakery Dear!!” (view post)

So, dear readers, keep your eyes peeled from comments from Uncle Paul (or UP as he signs his emails to me), sometimes it’s the best part of the whole post. In one recent email he said “Hope you don’t mind an old guy blogging back to you once in awhile.” And I have to say, I love it! And apparently, you are getting quite a fan base…so no pressure…but you better be on top of your game!

Every day I get a pretty good amount of email. And because I am still 12, I LOVE getting email and check it obsessively about 783 times a day. Sadly, however, a good 50% of my emails are of the “spam” variety. Most of these my spam filter catches, but if it’s having an off day, I sometimes end up with little gems like “Aliens spotted” or “80% off the little blue pill” right in my inbox. Some of these email subject titles are so, um, creative, that I thought I’d share some with you, because really, it would be selfish of me to keep all these life-improving emails to myself! So, out of the goodness of my heart, I give you the contents of my spam folder (I am using some creative spelling on some of these words so as not to attract more spam comments to this blog!):

“Earn a Degree While You Work” – Emily has apparently already read this one.

“A Transg*ndered Life – Can You Imagine?” – Can I imagine having a fake p*nis? No, not really, to tell you the truth!

“Aca! Berry has saved lives – let it save yours! Get your free trial now!” – I’ve already got Emily and she’s all the Berry I can handle, thankyouverymuch. She’s never saved my life, though. Hmm.

“I found you a new job” – no thanks! I like being gainfully unemployed.

“Prove to your wife that there can still be a lot of p@ssion in your bedr00m” – duh, I don’t even HAVE a wife. Do your research, spammers!!

“2 inches off your waistline during the Holidays” – Holidays? I better bookmark that one. I hate that two inches I usually gain on the 4th of July.

“Bigger Your ShortP*nis” – once again, do your research, people! I am not a dude.

“Pillowcase that prevents fine lines and wrinkles” – call me when you’ve got one that also removes my eye makeup.

“Is it possible to make over $1 million a year from home?” – I don’t know, you tell me! Oh wait? Does it involve work? Or sending people sp@mmy emails all day like YOU do? No thanks.

“Luxury W@tches for people with average incomes” – I swear to you, I get as much spam about fake R0lex’s as I do about p*nis enlargement. Apparently if you have a fancy watch you can get away with having a tiny schl0ng.

and finally,

“The Secret to Immortality” – here’s a secret for YOU: I don’t want to live forever. Cause really, being 1,000 years old and still looking like I’m say, 31 (wink, wink) and having all my friends and family be, you know, DEAD and living it up in heaven without me while I eat freeze-dried food and watch whippersnappers zoom around in those newfangled spaceships all the kids are driving these days doesn’t really sound all that FUN.

Well, there ya go. Hopefully you have found a life-changing solution from the contents of my spam inbox! If not, I’ve got plenty more where that came from, so, you know…EMAIL me!!