Connectedness

Connectedness? Is that even a word? Oh, well, if it’s not, you know what I am getting at. Feeling connected has become really important to me in the last few weeks. And I am talking about connected in the physical sense. Really being with my friends, not just on skype or twitter, but being with them. I’m longing for them. Emily and I talk every day, but there’s been times these past couple of weeks or so when I’ve just wanted to drive out to her house and show up and invite myself in and sit as close to her on the couch as she’ll let me! I want to be with her. And her sister. And my BFF Luanne, and pretty much all the other wonderful women I consider good friends.

I’ve had playdates every day this week so far, and I have a friend who works full-time coming over for lunch today on her lunch break and I can’t wait. I just want to love my friends! I’ve gone through definite periods in my life where getting out and about, or cleaning the house to have guests was too much hassle. But now, it’s what I WANT to do. It is weird and compelling. But I am going with it for now.

So, you wanna come over? Let’s plan on it!

Post to Twitter

Scheducation

Last week when I wrote about hitting my stride as a mother, as an adult, as a stay-at-home mom, I was feeling quite nervous about the fact that Joshua was starting kindergarten, and about the fact that I had, in fact, committed myself to starting a schedule that very day. I’d been so brave as to speak it out loud to the girls in my house church, and to lure my friend Cortney (who posted about her own battle with Sir Schedule here) into keeping me accountable.

So, let me just say that your comments and feedback on that post were really, really helpful. A couple of you even linked to it and said you could have written it yourself. Do you know how much it means to me that my words mean something to YOU? That I am not the only one who carries those specific frustrations? It means the world. Thank you for telling me. Your comments buoyed me as I dipped my toe into the unknown waters that day.

Although, I think it would be more accurate to say I jumped right in! (Unlike when I took beginning swimming class for PE in college, because, at 20 years old, I still couldn’t go under water without holding my nose, and on the day we were learning to dive, the teacher literally had to PUSH me in. This time, I am happy to say, I propelled myself. But anyhoo.)

I stuck to my schedule. For five whole days. And you know what? I liked it! It worked for me. I exercised, I got housework done, I played with Sophie, I picked Joshua up from school. And I even had a little extra time some days! Here’s the schedule I made for myself:

Mornings M-F

7:30-8:15 breakfast, check email, blog
8:15-8:45 exercise
8:45-9:30 shower, get dressed, get Sophie dressed

9:30-10:00 bloggy business

10:00-10:30 dishes

10:30-12:00 errands, play time

12:00-12:30 lunch

12:30 – 1:00 chores

1:00 – 2:00 OPEN

2:00 leave to pick up Joshua

CHORES BY DAY
Every Day – sweep & vacuum living and dining room
Tues – laundry, sweep kitchen floor
Thurs – dust, clean bathrooms

It needs a little tweaking (for instance, picking up Joshua from school on time has required I move Sophie’s nap time, so part of chore time is generally spent trying to get her down for a nap) – but in general, it has worked really, really, well this week. I mean, I, who ABHOR exercise, have exercised five days this week! Because my schedule TOLD me to!

One thing I haven’t done is schedule the after-school/evening part of the day. I think next week I might try to schedule time in there for dinner preparation, as so far, I seem to be willing to do whatever my schedule tells me too. Who knew?

Of course, I am keeping it flexible to allow for playdates and appointments and things like that, but overall I am super-pleased, excited, and encouraged!! If you feel like you need to give it a try, GO FOR IT! I’ll even keep you accountable if you need me to. Let’s all have adventures in scheduling together!

Post to Twitter

Under Presh-sha

When I was in college, I would often procrastinate on projects or big papers until the last minute. This is not because I was lazy (well, at least no totally because I was lazy), but because I was afraid of failure. Afraid to start because I was afraid the finished product would be a flop. But, inevitably, I would start the project with just a day or two to spare, get going, hit my stride, finish up, and get an A. I can remember the feeling of getting two or three paragraphs into a paper, realizing, “Hey, this isn’t so bad!” and sailing through the rest of it. And at the end of it, I did love the fulfillment of getting a good grade.

Though I don’t find myself longing for my college days (the work, after all, did get a little heavy at times), I often long for that feeling again. Because for some reason in adulthood, in motherhood, in being a grown-up in general, I don’t feel like I’ve hit my stride. I am afraid to try and get myself on a schedule because I am afraid I won’t stick to it. Same with an exercise program (not helped by the fact that I abhor exercising). I haven’t yet found the thrill of satisfaction in a clean house, drawers full of folded laundry, or even in a home-cooked meal. I haven’t yet made the Dean’s List for housewives, and I don’t know that I ever will. And truthfully, I am afraid to try. Afraid of the failure that looms as a big and likely possibility. Afraid that soon the only sign of my efforts will be that sorely neglected planner I buy every year and never use.

I have gone from someone who performed well under pressure to someone who avoids it like the plague. I love to do things for others but find the responsibilities of my household overwhelming. I am not kidding when I tell you that the idea that I have to be somewhere at the same time five days a week (to pick Joshua up from school) terrifies me. But I know it will be good for me. And I am hoping that this big change in all of our schedules will be the motivation I need to do myself a favor and establish a more workable rhythm to my days. Because if I can do that, maybe little by little, I’ll get into a groove, and maybe, hopefully, I might even hit my stride.

Post to Twitter