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I fear for America’s youth.

So a couple days ago, I was sitting at my desk minding my own business when I got a text message on my phone.

“Heyyyyyyyyy!!! Its Jordyyyynnnn!”

Great, I thought to myself. Spam has reached the world of text messaging. I ignored it, but about 10 seconds later, I got another one.

“Its me Jordyn!!!!”

Thinking that whoever was sending the texts might continue to do so (and that it might make good blog fodder), I decided I should reply, not knowing then that I was about to engage in what turned out to be a hilarious (at least to me) string of texts.

Me: I think you have the wrong number.

Her: Noooooo [what is it with all the extra letters?] you know me. Its Jordyyyyyyyyyn!

Me: I do? Then who am I?

Her: Your Christian B! idk how to spell ur last name lol

Me: not so much.

Her: not so much what?

Me: that is not my name. you have the wrong number.

Her: No I dont. your christian! Perry gave me ur #.

Me: i don’t know perry either, unless you are referring to the platypus on Phineas and Ferb.

Her: yes you do. perry gave me ur ####. she is texting the same number and I know its u!!!! If ur not christian who are you then?

Me: I am a 30yo mother of two in ohio. I assure you I am not Christian. Or Perry. Or a platypus.

Her: I never thought you were a platapus thank you very much!!!

At this point I was cracking up, and I was also driving home from work so I didn’t respond to the text, and I figured I had heard the last from my friend. But I was wrong.

Her: I know your Christian… how else would I have gotten this number?

Me: I promise you I am not Christian. But I am a blogger, and this exchange is going to make a seriously funny post.

Her: I am really sorry, this number works from my friends phone. It wont happen again.

That’s right! Mess with me, and I will blog about you!

So anyway, Jordyn, I have a couple pieces of advice for you. A) Get some manners. If someone tells you you have the wrong number, believe her. Apologize and don’t call/text/picture message that number again. B) Let me introduce you to my friend, the apostrophe. It’s “it’s,” not “its,” and “you’re,” not “your.” And especially not “ur.” The apostrophe is also helpful in showing possession, as in “my friend’s phone.” Make sense? Finally, C) if this is what you do at 5:00 in the afternoon, make sure you never, ever drunk dial.

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Top Ten Tuesday – Top Ten Ways I’m Afraid Jenny Will Embarrass Me at BlogHer

Today it’s my turn for a pre-travel freak out… but mine is nothing like Jenny’s – it’s not about a to-do list or panicking because I can’t keep my weekend schedule straight.

That’s because I’m already packed and have my schedule memorized, my house is perfectly clean, everything’s set for the four different people who will be taking shifts caring for my kids, and I’m completely ready to go.

(Oh wait, absolutely none of that is true.)

But no, my pre-travel freak-out has more to do with something I cannot control… and that is Jenny’s behavior.

So, without further ado…

The Top Ten Ways I’m Afraid Jenny Will Embarrass Me at BlogHer!

10. She’ll bowl. You may not know this about Jenny, but she’s not the most, um, athletically gifted among us.

9. She’ll blow our cover. We are a big deal! We have astounding traffic and make the big bucks. Seriously, people, believe me!

8. She’ll talk about poop. She has the tendency to do this, as you well know.

7. She’ll get tipsy after 1/8th of a drink. Actually, I’m ok with that as long as I get the remaining 7/8th!

6. She’ll call me crying, not sure where she’s supposed to be or how to get there. I’ve tried to alleviate this possibility by making a very detailed Excel spreadsheet listed each day in half hour increments and complete with hyperlinks to Google Maps, but I still think this is an entirely likely scenario.

5. She’ll call me crying when she gets stuck in an elevator. We’ve been there, done that, people, and I’m not sure whether she, I or the entire blogosphere can go through that again.

4. She’ll show up to every session and party sweaty and smelly because she insists on taking the stairs (see above). Again, we’ve been there, done that… not pretty. Remember the Yanni Voices concert? She wouldn’t get in the elevator then either, and made poor pregnant Erin and Erin’s unsuspecting husband hoof it with her.

3. She’ll get tipsy (see item 7) and tell all my secrets. Again, a very real possibility.

2. She’ll dance. I have a very strict no-dancing policy, and I hold her to that standard as well. Believe me, you do not want to see either of us dance.

and finally my number one way I’m afraid Jenny will embarrass me at BlogHer…

1. She’ll make me hug people. Hugs, as defined, by Jenny are the BEST. Hugs, as defined by Emily, are an incredibly awkward social custom. So if you see us there and she tries to smother you with kisses and I stand back and say “Hello, nice to meet you,” know that it’s not you, it’s me.

(I love you, Cousin! I’m just kidding about all of this. Sort of.)

For more Top Ten Tuesday, head over to Oh Amanda!

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Jenny, you *were* the gold standard.

Many months ago, Jenny wrote this post:

Yesterday I went to my OB-GYN for my yearly pap (men stop reading here) and when my doctor was done with my exam she said, “Well, my dear, you’re perfect.”

Perfect? Really?

This brings up two questions:

1) Was she referring to my lady business? ‘Cause she’s seen a lot of that in her line of work, so you know, she can make a fair comparison.

2) Do you think she says that to all the girls?

Just wonderin’…

Just last week, I visited my OB-GYN, who is also Jenny’s OB-GYN (we share everything – blogs, jobs, gynecologists…), and Dr. P had barely opened up the door when she made this exclamation:

“You’re perfect!”

But since I was just there to get some test results and I was fully clothed, she couldn’t have been talking about my “lady business,” as Jenny put it. So she must have just been talking about me in general, right? Like I, as a whole, am perfect? (If you’ve ever met me or have even run across this blog before – STOP LAUGHING, it’s possible!)

Probably not.

So Jenny, I hate to burst your bubble, but yes, she says that to all the girls.

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