I don’t sleep very well. I don’t have insomnia, and I usually don’t have too terrible of a time falling asleep, but I have a hard time staying a asleep and I dream, dream, dream all night.
So, I don’t sleep very well, due to some as-yet-undiagnosed problems. But you know what? As contradictory as this may sound, not much keeps me up at night.
I didn’t used to be this way. Falling asleep used to be very difficult for me. My mind would race, refusing to shut down. I worried long and hard while I longed to sleep. It was very frustrating but I couldn’t stop my anxieties from whispering in my ear while I tried to wind down. I worried about money and work, mostly. You see, I never did love being a working girl. (Not that kind of working girl! I know you were thinking it, Jill!!) The seven or so years I had a career, I didn’t enjoy all that much. Even though I loved the last job I had before I started staying home, I didn’t love the responsibility that went with it. Having a family, I felt, was truly all the responsibility I could handle. But I am a person who wants to give her all and excel at all that is entrusted to her. It was excruciatingly difficult for me to work, even part-time, and have a family, because I wanted to do both perfectly.
But I am getting off-topic. About two years ago, I met my best friend Luanne. We met at church and she soon invited me to a Bible study she hosted in her home. One of those very first nights at her home, I heard her say the words, “I don’t really worry about anything. Not much keeps me up at night.”
My jaw about hit the floor. I asked her to clarify. Worrying was second nature for me. I had to try NOT to worry, and I almost always failed.
She simply replied that since she had given her life to God, she was his, and so were her problems. “He’s my provider,” she said, “and he has never let me down. Lots of people in my life have let me down. Not God. Not ever.”
I had, at this point, been a Christian most of my life, about 20 years, and I had never truly realized that God is my provider. Maybe it is because my life had been pretty “easy”. Isn’t that crazy? I think I felt that I needed to make all the right decisions in life and that by doing so I could control my fortunes. But all that “being in control” brought me were struggles and sleepless nights.
After that night, I began working on simply trusting God to provide for my family’s needs. It is harder than it sounds, for a professional worrier like me. A few months later, for a lot of reasons, Bobby and I decided I would quit my job. When you looked at the math, it didn’t seem possible. However, we both really felt it was what God wanted. So we took the leap of faith and I quit! And guess what? We have wanted for nothing. Because even though it didn’t look like it was possible, with God, EVERYTHING IS TOTALLY POSSIBLE!! We aren’t exactly rollin’ in the dough, but we have everything we need, and all our bills have been paid. God is so good! He has been so gracious also to bring couponing into my life. I know that sounds nerdy, but before I started couponing, I was never able to give things to others. Now I get to give simple, every day necessities to friends, family, complete strangers, and charitable organizations – with little or no cost to me – while also providing for my family’s needs. How amazing is that? What a gift!
I know that I usually don’t blog on spiritual subjects, but if I can share with you all the frequency of my children’s bowel movements and regurgitations, I think I should be able to share with you that I am a follower of Christ! Because if you don’t know that about me, you really don’t know where I’m coming from. Whether I am writing about breastfeeding or barfing, I am always writing as a hopelessly flawed person whose life has been completely redeemed by Jesus Christ.
All that to say that two years after Luanne’s words about worry shocked me, I’ve grown in my faith, and honestly, besides some silly dreams, not much keeps me up at night. I can’t begin to express how thankful I am for that fact.
So tell me, friends and neighbors, what keeps you up at night?
Wonderful! Sometimes I could not make the math work either, but God’s math is sufficient… Remember the lillies of the field they toil not neither do the spin… Remember the sparrows… Even the hairs of my head are numbered… not so tough to do in my case any more. God knows and takes care of my needs. I may have taught you to worry because I used to do it all the time. Webb said do not worry; get up and do something that will change the situation you are worrying about or turn it over to God and do not pick it up again. That is difficult but with practice it does help.
GOD is good.. it is crazy because about an hour before i read this i was getting my stuff ready for MOPS(mothers of preschoolers) and i am going to read MATTHEW 6:25-34 during our class… about how GOD doesn’t want us to worry. and he is our provider… i wanted to quit my job and i prayed that if the LORD wanted me to that he would show me how. i ended up loosing my job because they shut it down. and i met jenny and learned how to coupon….. there really isn’t any other way that i should be able to stay at home when my husband makes around $12 an hour…….. the lord has blessed us beyond i could of ever imagined……….it just takes a little faith. what ever your issue bring it to him…… he is faithful to show himself to you you just have to ask….
sorry for going on and on……. but i am tired of being afraid (or ashamed) of what the LORD has done in my life and how real he his……
Jenny, this was an awesome post! I, too, am a worrier, but thankfully, it has never affected my sleep (for the most part). Life for me was perfect with a wonderful hubby, 1 boy, and 1 girl. February 21, 2007 changed all that when Emmaline arrived with Down syndrome (HUGE surprise!). I did pretty well holding it together, but one evening (about 2 weeks later) when hubby was at church with the other 2 kids, God and I had it out. I yelled and cried because I didn’t know what to do with a special needs baby. After I got that out of my system though, I’ve been at peace even since. I can’t say that this whole Down syndrome thing is easy, but it would be so much more difficult if I didn’t have God to lean on. He’s gotten us this far and life really is more perfect than I ever imagined it could be…different than I imagined, but perfect none the less. Thanks for sharing your mommy struggles and triumphs with us!
Great post, probably my favorite yet! I need to take your advise to heart as I am a worrier also and am trying to release all my worries to God. It is something I work at daily.
Thank you for sharing this. I am also a worrier. I am learning to turn every concern over to my Heavenly Father who promises to carry every burden.
Wow, I love the way God works. I was sitting in the bathroom last night (because that’s what you do in the middle of the night?) thinking that I need to go back and review all the scripture i learned on worry. While my mind knows that God will take care of me no matter what, my emotions constantly worry at night about my children, if they’ll be safe at night, are they sleeping good, am I being a good parent, do I discipline in a Godly way, etc, etc. I even woke Aaron up to tell him I was worried! And like you, i felt life has been so “easy” and maybe my share of trouble is going to come at any moment. But I know God doesn’t work like that. He loves us all the time, and will be there when hard times come. He is so good!!
What a great post and so timely for me (a worried trying not to be)! Abby has been an expensive little baby her first 18 months of life. God has faithfully provided for all of her medical expenses and medication and everything else. It is good to look back and see that we are always taken care of. It gives me hope when I think about our upcoming adoption expenses. I told someone today that I worry about how we are going to ever pay all the fees associated with international adoption, but I worry more about getting 20 years down the road and regretting that we didn’t do it because I was a chicken!
Thanks for a great, encouraging post today!
Jeni
Jenny, THANK you for this post. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes because I truly needed to read this today. I am a Christian as well, but my biggest struggle by far is giving my concerns to Him. Not as much money stuff, but relationships, emotions, trusting God to provide my kids with a safe place to live and a good education, etc. I worry, worry, worry about every little thing and it consumes me. I am going to pray right now that He will do a work in my heart so that I can say at some point down the road that nothing keeps me up at night. I truly need to depend on Him for everything.
Hi there! I am delurking, finally. I am a frequent reader and love your site. You are both amazing writers and keep me very entertained. I read your post and almost fell out of my seat. I am such a worrier, but I have been working on that. I just wrote a post on this last week, so I linked directly to it. I am a new blogger and was a little hesitant to put my faith out there for the world, but I am so glad that I did. I too figured if I can share about everything else, why not share about God! Thanks for the post! PS I am a CVS junkie! There. I said it! I’m in Taiwan with no CVS and it has made me crazy!!!!
Great post!! I am in fact not a worrier and never really have been, but sometimes I feel like my life has been “too easy” as well and wonder when the other shoe will drop. But usually that is a fleeting thought and then I go back to trusting and living life.
Glad you shared though. Made me realize we have even more in common. Most noteably your ability to read my sarcastic comments before I even write them. I too did not enjoy my working days. I was just biding my time till I could pop out babies and stay home. And I too have become a couponing nerd, I just do mine in secret and not out in the blogosphere 🙂
Hi! Love this website. I have chronic insonmia and a 6 month old baby boy. So I was googling “breastfeeding and cannot sleep” and your site came up!
I enjoyed reading your blog so far and the comments.
My son is getting baptized this weekend so I thought it was interesting timing, the nature of the messages on here.
Thank you for an interesting read!
And I’m still looking for a safe remedy for my sleepless nights…My praying doesn’t always work–hehe!!
Tara