Lots of things are floating around in my brain right now, but none of them have taken the shape of a real, actual post. So, since I haven’t a) done a random-things-on-my-mind post or b) made up a word for a post title in a while, I thought I’d do both.
In no particular order…
– Is this a mom thing? I am so tired of constantly wheedling my family into doing things they don’t want to do. Or, things they do want to do, just not right at the moment. Or, things they should want to do and would enjoy/would be good for them if only they would listen to me. Examples include going to the zoo to see the holiday lights display and going to swimming lessons that we pay a lot of money for on a regular basis. I feel like I am the only one dealing with the actual space-time continuum that means if Thing A is going to be done, Steps 1, 2, and 3 have to be completed by Time I. Am I alone here?
– My braces and I are in a good place right now. I can eat and talk without too much pain for the most part. This means, of course, that they’re due to be tightened. I have to go next Thursday to have the last set of wires put in – the super-sturdy ones that are going to hurt like a mofo. So, it’ll be back to milkshakes vitamin-infused smoothies and speech impediments for me. Between that and preparing for the hysterectomy to fix a problem that isn’t visibly causing me any issues, I am beginning to question the idea of preventative medicine.
– I guess I didn’t have enough angst when I was a teenager, because I am having it now. I am in a “What is the point of life?” phase at the moment and I’m not entirely sure why or how to get out of it. But really. If you know what the point of life is, please enlighten me.
– In my ongoing attempt to screw my kids up as little as possible, I downloaded this book the other day. Jenny and I have seen Brene speak a few times and she is super amazing. You should definitely download it too.
This month I’m collecting ideas for healthy and quick dinners over on Foodie. Go check it out! I am particularly excited about the Chicken and Asparagus Lemon Stir Fry. Also – that chicken enchilada soup? Best soup I’ve ever made, no lie. AND… that pot roast is ridiculous. For real. And not a packet of dry soup to be seen.
Any suggestions for recipes to add to my collection?
Earlier this week, TimeHop, the handy app that tells me what I posted through social media outlets on this date in history, reminded me that three years ago, Jenny wrote me the best letter I had ever received.
Now, I don’t say this often – and it pains me a little to do so now – but Jenny was right.
Let’s review her words of wisdom, shall we?
photo by number657 on flickr
Dear Cousin,
I love you. Just about as much as I love anyone on this earth. And I have in my past, loved a pet. More than one. I mean I used to let those cats SLEEP WITH ME [OMG that is SO GROSS, Jenny.] every night, I looooved them, they were my BABIES, and you know what? I’M GLAD THEY’RE GONE. Going pet-free is the best decision we ever made for our family.
And that is the reason I am going to tell you that you should under no circumstances, get a DOG. I know your husband thinks he wants one, I know your daughter thinks she wants one, I know all our readers think your kids are going to turn out to be emotionally stunted irresponsible citizens who make a living stealing other people’s identities if they don’t get a one, but I am here to tell you that they are WRONG. Why? Because YOU don’t want one [she’s right. I didn’t, and I don’t.], and they ultimately want what YOU want, whether they know it or not. This dog will make you unhappy, and when mama’s not happy…she gets TMJ, gets hopped up on muscle relaxers because she can’t deal with letting the dog out in the middle of the night one more time, refuses to leave the bedroom, gets fired from her job, and starts talking to her new hair dryer. [Let’s all say a silent prayer of thanks that I haven’t gone off the deep end quite so much. Yet.]
But you know what? I don’t need to give you any more reasons about how dog hair is gross [I do not have the words to adequately express how much I hate having dog hair all over my house. It makes my blood pressure skyrocket just thinking about it.] (and your cleaning lady is going to start charging you more) [Yep! We had to have her start coming every other week instead of once a month after we got the dog. Because dog hair.], how you are going to have to pick up POOP [Actually I have managed to not do that even once. The fact that I’ve never walked down the street carrying a plastic bag full of crap is one of my biggest accomplishments.] really, both your kids can take care of their own poop, shouldn’t you not rock the poop boat?), how you are going to have to make Kate get a JOB to pay for the tags, license, shots, etcetera that this pooch is going to require. And what if he gets hurt, or sick? Oh, you can just buy health insurance for YOUR DOG. I’m sure that’s cheap. And probably really good coverage. I am sure you will never have to pay out of pocket thousands of dollars so your dog won’t die so your kids won’t be emotionally scarred.
[Let me break in here to say that our dog has epilepsy. That’s right, we have an epileptic dog, and my husband gives him medicine for that condition twice a day. On rare occasions, I have given it to him as well, I am sad to say.]
OH, and YOU HAVE TO PAY MONEY FOR YOUR DOG TO GET A HAIRSTYLE AND A MANICURE. Dubya tee eff, cousin. Like you even have time to get your OWN hair and nails done but your DOG will have to have regularly scheduled appointments?
I just died a little just thinking about it.
Jenny goes on to use my own words against me, and you should really read the rest of the original post because it’s some funny shark.
But anyway, it’s been three years and I still hate having a dog. Like, a lot. I hate the hair (did I mention that?), I hate that he snatches food off the kitchen table and counters, and I hate that guests are welcomed to our home by a dog freaking the hell out the moment the doorbell rings.
In all fairness, I have to give a shout out to my husband. He handles 98 percent of the dog’s care and doesn’t expect me to do it. When we’re away from home, he’s the one who remembers there’s a living thing at our house who probably needs some attention – because I kid you not, it does not cross my mind. And rationally, I recognize that the dog isn’t even a “bad” one. He doesn’t chew anything except tennis balls, he’s continent (which is lucky for him, let’s just say that), and he doesn’t… well, those are all the redeeming qualities I can come up with.
Andy and Kate are convinced, though, that somewhere inside my coal black heart, I possess a soft spot for the dog. Really, they think I do. But I am here to tell you – unequivocally – I hate having a dog.
