Welcome to Jenny’s Life Klass, Lesson #3:What Not to Get on Your Tattoo. Listen up, people. I know that tattoos are cool and trendy and what not. I have several friends with some very pretty tattoos, in fact. (You know who you are!) And I’m not against them or anything, but they are not my thing. However, when I go to the pool and I am one of only 20% of the adults there without one? I know they are here to stay. I also know that because they are permanent, ding dongs.
You guys, did you know tattoos are like, FOREVER? Unless you have lots of money for expensive and painful laser removal? TRUE STORY!
So, you still want one? Well, that’s cool. But look before you leap, my lovelies. Don’t get a tattoo without reading this. I bring you, my people, the Jenny’s Life Klass list of things to not get stamped on your a$$ forever.
1) Your significant other’s name. Guess what, America? Relationships don’t last. Just ask Angelina Jolie about her “Billy Bob” tattoo. Which is now a FUGLY snake. I’m sure Brad thinks it’s super-sexy. So before you get “Kanye 4EVA” tattooed on your cleavage, Kim Kardashian, think twice! And don’t.
2) Expletives. Hey, Klassy Lady at the pool? Your “Sexy B*tch” tattoo is totally smokin’ and dag!! I know it must’ve been hard to resist getting that SWEET TAT! But my adorable genius children? CAN READ. And “MOMMY WHAT DOES B*TCH MEAN??” is not what I want to hear coming out of their precious little mouths. So either a) don’t get that crap tattooed on your “tramp stamp” designated area or b) don’t wear a bikini {because girl? I’ll be honest. You shouldn’t be. The “sexy” bit of your tattoo? NO LONGER APPLIES.} or c) get it tattooed on the bottom of your foot where my little baby’s innocent eyes won’t see it.
3) Celebrities’ faces. Geez, I KNOW this one is hard to resist. I have to fight back the urge to get Emily’s face tattooed across my shoulder blade on a daily basis. However, what keeps me from making this grave mistake is this simple truth: FACES belong on heads and not on other body parts. So even though you really want to get this on your bod:
and this:
and this:
Do. NOT. DO IT.
And though I still bottom line, do NOT approve, if you absolutely MUST get a tattoo of a celebrity’s face on your bod, at least pick something we can all enjoy:
Remember people, think before you ink!
Your homework for this Life Klass: don’t get a tattoo that contains expletives, lover’s names, or other people’s faces. Engaging in any of these actions will result in you failing Life Klass and getting sent straight to hell. Seriously, I checked. You should probably trust me on this one.
Go forth and be Klassy!
