It is late, and I am tired. And discouraged. And I kind of hate myself.
As I write this, it is Tuesday. The day I published this post. About the wonder of motherhood.
And of course it was a terrible day with my kids.
The morning was more potty training, a very cranky Sophie, some missed opportunities by me to teach her. Discouragement. At one point I yelled at her so loud to be heard over her yelling that pain instantly shot through my throat and instead of scolding her, I launched into a coughing fit.
In the afternoon I had made arrangements for Joshua to have a fun time with his Aunt Bethie and cousin James. Special for Joshua, who has basically been prisoner in this house the past ten days due to potty training. And I needed to have some alone time with Sophie do work on potty. Because some of the missed opportunities I have with her, are because I am tending to my other child.
But not much was accomplished during our time together. Then finally at 3, I put her down for a nap, because she was exhausted and cranky and I needed a break. She went right to sleep. PERHAPS because she had gotten up at 6 am with wet pants. She used to sleep til 7:30 before potty hell began.
Then my nephew James came home with Joshua. MORE special fun for Joshua. He was thrilled.
Until James left and daddy wasn’t coming home before bedtime because he had to fix his car, and then he threw a huge crying fit, and I lost it. And of course right before this, Sophie peed her pants. Good times.
I marched him up to bed. I threatened him. He calmed down. I read him his chapter of Chronicles of Narnia and I cried the whole time. He asked me what was wrong and I told him I was sad because he had thrown a fit, and Sophie had peed her pants. Then I finished reading and cried some more. Then when it was time to pray, and I asked him what he was thankful for, he said, “Daddy, James, and Lucas.” His dad, his cousin, his friend. That’s it.
I tucked him in and went to get Sophie for bed. She was less than cooperative. I let her nap too long and now she’s up in her room running around at 10 pm and I’m starving because I haven’t been to the grocery because I’ve been chained to this house POTTY TRAINING and there’s not much to eat and I’m not going to cook a meal for myself at 10 pm especially when there is no husband to help me eat it.
I would like, for a week, for someone competent to come in and take over my life, put it in order for me, and then I’ll come back, and maybe by some miracle, someone will have missed me.
But at this point, vacation and appreciation seem pretty far off.
Oh Jenny. {{hug}}
I have so been there. It’s ok. You can do this. You will get through this.
I was just thinking about how sensitive kids are, and how mine feed off my stress. I’m sure that y’all are building upon each others’ stress right now. Maybe it’s a good time to take a break from anything potty, have some fun together for a time, and swing back around to potty stuff in a week or so. You can talk about how in “xx more days we will say goodbye to pull ups”. Have a big girl party. Anything to sortof re-boot her association that potty=stress and pressure.
She WILL get it. She won’t be in college in pull ups. 🙂 bebkind with yourself because you are an amazing mother!! I don’t know if any of this helps but will be praying for you, sweet friend.
Jenny!! Drop Joshua off ANY TIME!! Seriously! I wish I could do Sophie too but you know, I don’t do potty training. 🙂
I love you!! You are an amazing mother!! And i know from experience the guilt of yelling at the kiddos. I just suck it up, pull them aside, hug them and tell them I’m sorry and that mommy shouldn’t have yelled. And how quick they forgive. You won’t be pregnant forever, Sophie won’t be peeing every where but the potty forever and Josh LOVES you more than anyone else in this world! Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Jenny, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You are a great mommy. I have days like this ALL.THE.TIME. Look at the facts. They are healthy. They are loved. They are fed. They are clothed. They do love you. Stay consistent. Stay in the Word. Cry out to God. He will sustain you. Draw your self worth from him. He will carry you through this time of feeling TOTALLY unappreciated, he already is. AND I think a Momcation is needed for you ASAP! I hope you can get away, if only for a day or two.
Love You!
Please don’t be so hard on yourself. I went through the same thing with my daughter, Brooke. I agree with the first post… take a break and enjoy each other again… and then in a few days do the countdown again. We tried EVERYTHING (candy, stickers, calls to her favorite character, letting her carry around her own private toilet paper roll, bribes – you name it!). It wasn’t until she realized she couldn’t go to big girl school that she decided to do it on her own. Magically, it happened all in one day and she was done with pullups! Hang in there girl. We all know how frustrating it is but you are doing a wonderful job!
I know for a fact that your two kids think that you hung the moon. At the same time, little kids are self-centered. They all are, without exception. So it is a mixed bag that every parent experiences. Remember how we have discussed what a shame it is that children don’t remember when they are older all of the things that you do for them when they are very young – all the nights of comforting them when they are sick or all of the fun trips to the park,pool, museum,etc. that you take to give them enrichment. Or all of the lullabies sung and prayers said. But,in the end, all of these things blend to make the 10 year old and the 16 year old and then the adult who he or she is.The little mistakes that we as parents all make don’t mar the overall experience of happiness for the child.You are dearly loved by your husband and children and all of your family and friends.
Can I bring you lunch today or tomorrow? I can offer you a hug and an ear. I can help pick up toys or clean upholstery that So has christened. I love you. The kids love you. We all have days like these. I have them more often than I’d like to, too. ((((hugs)))) Hang in there. The battle scars of today will fade, eventually.
I just want to give you a big ol’ hug! I don’t have any words of wisdom but hang in there! Sending good thoughts your way…
Hi there Mommy Blogger! First timer here via UP @Redneck Latte. Thought I would finally pop in and check it out.
I so know what you are talking about in your post, now that my son is 24, I really miss that.
Have a great day!
I miss my kids being little, but I don’t miss that part much!
Hope today is better.
UP
I’m sorry that you are feeling so down & out & overwhelmed. Just remember, THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You just need a break. Is there someone that can keep your kids for a little while so you can go have some time to yourself? This would be the best thing to get you re-charged. You need to make this happen.
I’m a mom to 3 boys. They are grown now, ages 16, 18, & 21. Believe me, I have had those exact feelings when they were small. But, you know what? They turned out to be nice men, and they show their love for me often. I am very proud of them. Try to look beyond this stage. It won’t always be this way. It may even be that you need to talk to your doctor about your anxiety. I sure wish I had done that back then. But, I just screamed at my kids, constantly, which is not good for them. There is help out there. You just need to be willing to accept it.
My heart goes out to you. Please keep us posted. I know we are all concerned for you. ((hugs))
“I would like, for a week, for someone competent to come in and take over my life, put it in order for me, and then I’ll come back, and maybe by some miracle, someone will have missed me.”
I am so right there with you this week. And a lot of weeks, really. I have a daughter who’s a toddler (16-months), and one due in 7 weeks – and some days, I just don’t have it together. Especially the days my husband is stuck at work late. That’s the worst.
So I feel your pain – and I’m thinking about you. Hope you have a good day soon… the good days always seem to make up for the bad ones. 🙂
Hang in there, Jenny. She will get it – she’s a smart kid.
These days are part of the whole ball of wax that mommying is and guess what? You might remember this day as one of those Etched On My Psyche Forever kind of days but Joshua and Sophie have probably ALREADY forgotten it.
They love you, you adore them and that’s what matters. And I agree, it may take some tough love (like bringing Sophie to the 1st day of preschool, letting her see the other kids go in, see the playground, see their cute little backpacks and NEW shoes, and then telling her that gosh darn, no pullups allowed, Sophie) to get her to change her tune. Right now, it sounds like you’re trapped in the dreaded Potty Power Play (been there w/my second). There’s so few things our kiddos can lord over us, control-wise, and this one is a BIGGIE. And they know it. 😎
As for the mommy meltdown – been there, done that, used to put myself in a mommy timeout in the laundry room when they were 4, 2, and newborn. It never feels good BUT, I do think this: they see that Mom is just as human as they are, with a full range of emotions like they experience and that hey, even grown ups can get overwhelmed…and still be OK.
Hang in there. She will get it and you are just as normal in being overwhelmed as the rest of us.
Thanks for being real! We need to support and encourage each other more as moms. Its not a competition mostly just survival 😉
I know you’re having a rough time, but I can’t tell you how much I needed to hear another mom vent. I’m having a very hard time right now. My mother-in-law moved back in the area, practically next door, and I’ll stop there because you don’t need me venting! But needless to say it’s not going well, and sadly I’ve taken it out on my kids a bit. I had to apologize to my daughter today. It’s good for me to see other moms be not so perfect. I hope things get better for you.
Oh, friend. “Potty hell” is exactly right. I’m so sorry this is so hard for you right now. I’m sorry to say that I’ve been there, and I know.
Also…I wrote this week about how well my family has been adjusting to some major schedule changes over the past months, and the day it posted, we were ALL at each other’s throats. Lovely.
I’m glad to know someone wants out of the mommy craziness, because right now I want to get back in it so badly! I’ve worked on average 78hr/week for the past 5 weeks and my daughter looks at me like a stranger. 5 weeks and the little turd has forgotten me! And someone competent does run your life, you!!! You’re a successful mommy, blogger and friend. And you are a very pretty preggo and I see lots and lots of preggos! Love you and wish I could hug ya.
Hugs to you Mama!! And thank you for being frank with us readers and lurkers(me!) alike! When my daughter was 7 months old I think I had my first real honest to goodness Mommy breakdown. I had had many other moments, but none were as blatantly obvious to most everyone around me. The other times I hid the feelings, choked them down deep, because I was ashamed and didn’t know it was all part of trying to attain the unattainable-Supermom status. Anyway, my hubby had been working non stop, plus was coaching football 3 times a week for a bunch of middle school kids. I was working only part time, but it could have fooled me, because it seems all that I existed for was to go to work, come home, be puked, pooped and hung on endlessly, all while feeling alone, then get a few hours of sleep. Repeat. On this one afternoon, dear hubby arrived home and told me he needed to go cut his sister’s grass. And I lost it. I broke down. I put the baby down for her nap, very calmly, then I grabbed his car keys and threw them out the door and over our back deck and told him he wasn’t going. A screaming match ensued. I dialed 911. No idea why really, because I was not physically in any danger and neither was he. When the operator answered I told her I needed help, that I was tired of no one helping me. More mumbo jumbo, not sure what. Then I hung up on her. My husband was so flabbergasted by my behavior, he left, just to calm down. He arrived back just as the police officers pulled up in front of my house, a male and a female. There were tears streaming down my husband’s face as I heard him tell the cop he had no idea how to fix thiis, how to help me. The female officer(after first checking to see the baby was ok of course; she was sound asleep) asked me if I was physically hurt. I wasn’t. She smiled kindly at me and said something I will never forget-“Honey, your house looks amazing! How do you do it and still make time for that sweet baby?” The male cop said this happened to his wife too. I doubt he meant she freaked out and called 911, but he recognized my desparation. I clung to my husband and let it all out-how I felt like a failure because I was so blessed to have this sweet gorgeous little girl and I let her and him down every day. He and the officers assured me it wasn’t true. The female officer gently asked if I had somewhere I could go to be by myself for the rest of the day, that I needed it. My husband was more than happy to take care of the baby. It was a horrible blustery and rainy day in early December, so instead of driving over an hour where I was from and all my friends and family still were I packed a bag, went to Target for some toiletries, and checked into a Holiday Inn. I ordered room service and I sat in the hot tub. I watched TV and took a long nap and hot shower. I missed my baby girl and called to check on her lots. But in that evening I realized that I was not Supermom, nor should I ever aspire to be her. She doesn’t exist. We do our best everyday, and that is more than good enough. We love our children fiercely with every ounce in our being and I know that I would lay down in traffic without hesitation for my daughter, and now my son. However, everyone needs a break. I hope you know that Jenny! You are an inspiration to us other moms, I love to hear not only about your triumphs here on this blog, but also your tribulations. We can laugh and cry and learn from each other, even if we never meet in real life, you have made a difference in others. That is monumental!
Emily, that was such a touching response. Thank you for sharing, and for de-lurking!
Emily thank you so much! Both for de-lurking and for sharing your story! I think we can only learn from each other when we share the hard stuff. I can’t tell you how much it means to me. Thank you!
honey, being a mother is the best at times and then sometimes I think it is the suckiest job ever (not often though i do think it) I agree with Arianne and that you should probably take a potty break. She probably just isn’t quite ready yet. I know that you have a timeline with preschool and the new baby coming, but honestly once she gets the hang of it, it will just click. I recommend you put the kitchen timer on for 30 min at a time and when it buzzes ask her if she would like to try to go on the potty and reward her with something small, just for trying. She isn’t not potty training to stress you out, she is confused and sometimes kids just don’t do well with the unfamiliar. So give yourself a break, get some pullups and encourage her every 30 minutes or so and if she has an accident it will be less stress on you.
Love you lots girlie. ((hugs))
“I would like, for a week, for someone competent to come in and take over my life, put it in order for me, and then I’ll come back, and maybe by some miracle, someone will have missed me.”
I feel like this quite often. Sheesh, Jenny, you made me cry 2 days in a row! I can really relate to you in this post, too!
As strange as this sounds, Enjoy your time, its gone before you know what happened. My son is turning 14 in a few months and for about the past 5 months I have not been cool enough to be seen with, talk too or do anything with. I miss the days that he was little and I kick myself for telling him things like not now I’m busy cuz now he is pretty much grown up and only needs me to clean up after him and drive him places and give out money. So enjoy the crazy time with toddlers and cherish the time that you are the one and only in their life cuz in a few short years you get phased out for friends and girls (or guys when you have a daughter).
Been having computer issues and just got around to this post, but THANK YOU for being real. It’s SO EASY, especially in this blogging world, to feel like all other moms on the planet are super moms when no one shares the hard stuff. I could have WRITTEN this post. Trying to potty train a 3.5 year old, going insane at her stubbornness, yelling over her tears to where my throat hurts, older child melting down, other 3.5 year old regressing and pooping in her underwear repeatedly, baby screaming in the background to try to get some attention… it’s SO EASY to feel like everyone else knows what they’re doing and I’m a big fat failure (ESPECIALLY with the potty training thing!! I thought girls were easier??!) I feel completely invisible to God and others most days. And while I’d love to have a really uplifting comment to tell you it will all be okay, mostly I just wanted to let you know that it HELPS ME to hear that others struggle with very similar things! (I guess misery really does love company.) So hopefully it will help you to know you are DEFINITELY not alone in these feelings and are certainly not a failure as a mom for having these moments. (And hey, just in case, let me know which college your daughter decides to go to and I’ll steer my daughter in that direction, too. That way, if everyone’s wrong, they won’t have to be the ONLY ones in diapers in college!)
I’d be lying if I said I had words of wisdom for you…but I know this much – you are a good mom Jenny having a bad day. Don’t beat yourself up and tomorrow is a new day (which since this post is four days old the new day also came and went – I hope it was a better one!).
love you – love you – love you