So the baby is four months old, and I am finally starting to feel a *bit* like my old self.  I only have 10 lbs. left to lose.  The Wii Fit no longer says I am a fatty, it says I’m “normal” though I am RIGHT on that line and they way I ate cake at the the 4 million birthday parties I attended this weekend, I am afraid I am back in the fatty zone as of this moment, so I won’t ask the Wii Fit it’s opinion for a couple of days.

I still can’t sleep, so that’s normal, and believe it or not, I have been consistently showering AND putting on makeup every morning before I take Sophie to school.  I have two nice pairs of jeans that fit me NOW (thank you Lands’ End Blissdom sponsorship!) and most of my pre-pregnancy tops fit.  So I am decently clothed (until summer and I pray I’ll have shed that last 10 by then.)

But I still don’t feel quite back to me in one way.  Here on this blog, I feel like I’ve lost my voice.  All I can think of to write about is a funny kid anecdote or a whine, whine, whine, post but I don’t feel like I’m…relevant.   Like it’s all just meaningless chatter.

I’m struggling.  My days are filled with happy things but they are filled with hard things, too.  I am not adjusting as well to three as I’d like.  I don’t have a minute to just sit and breathe, like, ever.  And I try to get in bed as soon as the baby settles down about 9:30 or 10, but he’s been not sleeping so well lately and usually the first 3 or 4 hours is the best sleep I get ever and it’s been getting interrupted a lot…

I have LOST my ability to multi-task. Lost it completely. Can’t do more than one thing at a time.  And sometimes that is good, but sometimes it makes me want to hurl myself off a skyscraper.  Like when all three kids want something at once.

So anyways, that’s where I am.  I just wanted to let you know.  I’m trying, trying to figure out how to be me in this new context.  I hope you’ll stick with me as I work through it.