Paging Dr. Emily

Since we found out about Jenny’s impending c-section, we’ve been joking about how I could be the one to tie her tubes. (Don’t ask me why. And you already knew we were weird.), so when she posted yesterday about how she pretty much can’t wait for that to happen, I commented that she left out one important detail – that I would be performing the procedure.

Which lead us to have this conversation via IM (and since we think we are hilarious, we’re posting it):

Emily says:
did you like my comment on your post?
Jenny says:
yes, we really do need to explore that option!
Emily says:
i mean really, i’m pretty sure we’d be the most famous bloggers ever if I could get bobby to hold the video camera while I tied your tubes.
Jenny says:
that is sooo bad!! no offense but could you take a crash course first?
Emily says:
sure. I will find a youtube video.
Jenny says:
oh Lord! are you cool with blood? i don’t want you passing out before you finish the job!
Emily says:
hmm… I don’t know. I’ve never really been presented with a sliced-open body part before. But there’s only one way to find out.
Jenny says:
can you like do some experiements in a lab or something?
Emily says:
good idea. maybe i can take a summer sprint course in tube tying
how hard could it be?
Jenny says:
seriously you can tie a knot, right?
Emily says:
I’ve been tying my shoes for years.
Jenny says:
innards, shoestrings, its all the same
Emily says:
totes

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Top Ten Tuesday: My favorite Google search terms.

Taking a look at what search terms lead people to this site is always amusing. For some reason, most of our traffic doesn’t come from searches like “entertaining mom blog” or “hilarious blogging cousins” (I know, can you believe it?)… it comes more from things like “she looks so natural casket.”

True story.

Anyway, I always like an excuse to link up to Oh Amanda’s Top Ten Tuesday, so here are my top ten favorite search terms that have recently landed people on our little blog. Here we go.

10. “April fool‘s kids fake strawberry cake.” Cake is not a joking matter!

9. “Baby peanut butter poo.” I can’t figure out which post this lead to, but I am 100% sure it was written by Jenny. (edited to add – I just figured it out, and of course it led to this post by the one and only Jenny Rapson.)

8. “Babywearing hemmroids.” Two words – spell check! Also, do you suppose that person meant that a baby was wearing hemorrhoids or that baby-wearing causes hemorrhoids? I recommend Motrin. Heh.

7. “Matching easter dresses for moms and daughters” and “sexy easter dresses.” Frankly, I’m not sure which one is more disturbing.

6. “How to answere the question biblically on how babies get into the mommy;s tummy.” Again, spell check, people! And secondly? Don’t come to us for sex ed.

5. “I accidentally hit my dog and he suddenly pukes.” Sounds like a serious problem. Maybe he was involved in this other search term – “Girls ipecac puke party.”

4. “Figure skating crotch hand,” “female olympic figure skaters crotch photos” and numerous other variations of the same idea drew a lot of people here. Something tells me my post wasn’t what they were hoping to find.

3. “Birth control makes me rage,” “birth control pills anger,” “birth control pills make me crazy,” and “the pill made me fat.” All of the above.

2. The most popular topic of the week – unfriending. “Why are people unfriending me on facebook,” “my child unfriended me on facebook,” “can my sibling unfriend me on facebook,” “should i unfriend relatives on facebook,” “how to handle in-law friend requests on fb,” and “can i unfriend my mother in law from facebook,” which was obviously searched by the same person who later searched for “facebook unfriending repercussions.”

And finally…

1. “Poop pants wii bowling.” Jenny, I’m going to let you take that one.

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A Fool and His Money…

The other day, I heard Kate yell from the living room, “Mom!! We need to buy Wonder Hangers!” Then she came running to me and said breathlessly “We need to buy Wonder Hangers! You can hang FIVE shirts in the same space it takes to hang ONE on a regular hanger!”

Do you know what she’s talking about? These:
wonder hanger

Apparently they show infomercials on Nickelodeon.

Later, I was bemoaning the state of her room, and she reminded me that her closet would be MUCH more organized if she only had Wonder Hangers.

She’s also convinced that her dad is going to buy her a Snuggie for her birthday.
snuggie

A few days ago, she asked my grandma if she would buy her a BumpIt.
bumpit

Because every five-year-old needs a beehive.

And so it begins. We can’t really hold her responsible for her inclination to be interested in anything marked “As Seen On TV!” The poor girl comes from a long line of people who are suckers for infomercials.

Case in point: Yesterday I actually considered buying her a BumpIt. (And yes, I can see you all cringing.)

I was somewhat concerned about the message I’d be sending to her if I did buy one, though, so I sought counsel from my BFF Jess. I emailed her:

Kate’s the flower girl for the Miss Basketball ceremony at the high school basketball game. The other day she told me she wanted a Bump It and I’m thinking of getting her one for tomorrow night, to give her a cute little hair do. Is that ok or is that crossing the line into cheerleading wigs and high school breast implants??

I knew Jess would give me good advice, and as I suspected she stopped me from hitting the “Buy It Now” button with her response:

Whatever you do, DO NOT BUY THE BUMP IT! I think it’s a fantastic idea in theory, but those things are a piece of junk. I bought them and could not get it to work right and it looked so silly. You should try “making” a bump it by teasing her hair… look online or YouTube or something!

Crisis averted. I did not waste any money or risk taking the first step toward Kate’s debut appearance on “Toddlers and Tiaras.”

So as you can see, Kate’s predisposition toward getting ripped off is an unfortunate side effect of her genetic make up. Need more examples?

My dad is the proud owner of a Swivel Sweeper.
swivel sweeper

Andy’s mom has given us the Pasta Pro pasta pro and the Moving Men moving men (both of which we still use, I might add), and just this Christmas she was the happy recipient of a Perfect Brownie pan perfect brownie (I totally want one of those – I love corner brownie pieces!).

This little “issue” we all have goes back even further in the family tree – recently our grandma told Jenny she wished she had a credit card because they sell a lot of things on TV that she’d really like to have. I’ve made a mental note to keep credit card applications away from her and Kate.

Speaking of credit cards… where is mine? I really want an InStyler.
instyler

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