Immersion

I do not remember a time when I did not want to be a mother.  As a child it was something I expected would happen, as a teen it was something I dreamed would happen, and as an adult it was something I desperately wanted to happen.

But of course, I had no idea what being a mother was really about.  Babysitting and even a very hands-on aunthood could not prepare me for being the giver of life, the protector, the comforter, the security blanket to my own child.

No book written then or since could ever prepare me for the wonder of seeing my firstborn for the first time.  For the way I would be able to distinguish his cry from the other babies at the hospital within hours of his birth.  For the way I’d crave the scent of his little sweet head.

No one could tell me how afraid I would be, when carrying my daughter, that my son would feel abandoned by me.  That I would feel guilty, like I was cheating on him, because my heart had begun to knit to another.  No one told me I might feel afraid that I wouldn’t love my second child as fiercely and completely as I’d loved my first.

Other mothers could tell me, but not truly make me understand, that my love for her would be instant and strong and just what it was supposed to be. This was such a joyful relief to understand and feel the instant I laid eyes on her.

And alas there was no way to know before I experienced it, that motherhood would be filled with not only endless joys but countless fears and frustrations.  No way to know the instant and constant guilt that was coming, the feeling of isolation, the longing to just go an hour or two without someone touching me.

And oh I was amazed to find how proud I was of every movement, how exhilarated I’d be every time I heard my baby laugh, how mesmerized I’d become by each new word that came from their sweet little mouths.

Each of these things was a discovery I had to make for myself.

And now, I know.

They say you can only truly learn a foreign language by immersion.  By surrounding yourself completely and exclusively in that tongue.

And so it is with motherhood.  Dive in, be engulfed, and discover what you are truly capable of. Struggle, scream, kick, laugh, cry, grow, strengthen, love, and learn.

And every once in awhile, don’t forget to breathe.

________

My thoughts on motherhood were inspired by thankyoumom.com – Now it is time for you to join in- You are invited to log onto www.thankyoumom.com and enter to win a travel voucher to help cover the cost of a special reunion with their mom or mom figure in their life.  Contest entrants must submit a 100 word essay describing why they’d like to be united with their mom.  Approximately 15 winners will be chosen every month through the Thanksgiving holiday.

Be sure to vote on your favorite entries for the Thank You Mom Reunions here.

This post is part of the P&G Thank You Mom Reunion Campaign through Blissful Media Group.