My love/hate relationship

with Target. Because I love it, but last night I hated it.

Yesterday I read how to score free Pampers diapers and wipes here and since we were headed over toward the mall anyway, I decided to give it a shot. I am no coupon weirdo diva like Jenny, but even I can’t pass up cheap-o diapers and wipes.

Andy was meeting some friends for dinner at an Indian restaurant, but since my idea of ethnic cuisine is Taco Bell, the kids and I dropped him off and headed to Target. But first we had to go through the drive-thru of the world’s most difficultly-located Wendy’s, which is a whole other story.

When we got to Target, Kate decided she must sit in one of those gianormous carts with the two seats attached, so I put Sammy in the big part of the cart and went on my way. After debating for like 20 minutes over whether to get another package of size 2 diapers or stock up on 3s, I decided to check out for the first time. Since one of my coupons was for a $5 gift card when you purchased diapers and wipes, I wanted to get one set, get the gift card, and then go back for more diapers and wipes (and the rest of my stuff) and use the gift card on the next purchase.

So my first transaction (dear Lord I am turning into Jenny) went swimmingly.

After that, I went back to get the second load of Pampers products, and then went to see if there was anything else we desperately needed. After pushing that huge cart all over the store for no particular reason, I decided I’d get the other thing we were there for – bug spray – and then hit the road. Yesterday afternoon, Andy called me at work to tell me that Kate had two huge bug bites, and then he called me five minutes later to tell me that they were even huger (that can’t be a word), so after a consultation from Dr. Grandma, he took her to the pediatrician. She’s fine, but apparently quite allergic to whatever bit her. So anyway, we were on a mission to find this bug spray that the doc said was good to use on kids.

I am a frequent Target shopper and I consider myself pretty well-educated on where the products are located. But I could not find the bug spray. I went up and down the aisles with the sunscreen, the band aids and the tampons. I searched the toothpaste and the hairspray and betwixt the condoms. No bug spray. By this time I was sweating, as all of you who have pushed one of those awful school-bus-sized carts can appreciate. Sweating and cursing. But there was no bug spray. And there were no Target employees in the whole store. They must have all taken one long smoke break or something because I couldn’t find anyone.

On what must have been about my tenth lap around the pharmaceuticals, my phone rang. Andy was done with his curry (or whatever he had) and was ready for me to pick him up.

“Any idea as to where I might find the bug spray?” I said into the phone.

“It’s probably in the area around the pharmacy,” said my ever-helpful husband.

“One would think, but not so much.”

“Well, I’d probably just find someone to ask.”

At this point I threw my phone on the ground and ran it over with my 180-pound cart.

Huffing and puffing, I hauled myself and my two kids up to the check out lanes to ask a cashier. Of course, I asked the 12-year-old girl who must have been ending her first day of work, and she looked like she had never even heard of bug spray, let alone know where it might be located. So she asked another cashier, who looked at me and said “Well, you can try two places. First, look in chemicals, then try seasonal sporting goods.”

Chemicals??? Where is the chemicals section? I have never in my life seen a sign hanging over the aisles that said “chemicals.” Oh, right, over there by the “pipe bomb” section.

So, I trudged all the way to the farthest corner of the store to find the seasonal sporting goods, and wouldn’t you know it, the bug spray was proudly displayed right by the sleeping bags. Just like the sunscreen is located by the swimming suits and the band aids are with the chainsaws. Oh wait, no they’re not!

Finally we were ready to check out. I must say, the kids had been amazing the whole time we were in the store, which was a miracle and definitely a good thing because add a four-year-old fit and a screaming baby into the mix and I would have had to off myself. So anyway, I put my diapers and wipes and peanut butter crackers and that godforesaken bug spray up on the belt and handed my coupons to the cashier, who told me he could not accept them, despite the fact that the girl at the next register had just taken the exact same ones with no problem. I was too exhausted to fight with him about it, so I just said to forget the diapers and wipes and let me have my crackers and g.d. bug spray so I could get out of that flipping store, but I was not pleased.

So Target people, if you are reading this, which I’m sure you are not, please tell me. Why do you create the coupons if you don’t want people to use them?? I am truly curious about this. It’s like Jerry Seinfeld and the rent-a-car. They know how to make the reservation, but not how to keep the reservation, which is really the most important part of the reservation. Target knows how to make the coupons, but not how to take the coupons. Which really pisses me off.

When I finally got back across the street to pick up Andy, I told him my long and drawn-out story, and then said, “I’m not sure why I’m surprised by this. I just read today that lots of people were having trouble with Target taking coupons.”

“Is that right?” my husband said distractedly.

“Yeah,” I replied. “The coupon ladies said they were going to boycott Target.”

Andy looked at me with an anxious, hopeful expression.

“But I am not going to go that far.”