This evening as I was perusing the interwebz, I ran across this article from Cosmopolitan:
10 Signs You Should Unfriend Someone on Facebook By Ashley Womble
1. She’s a firm believer that you can learn a lot about your health from your bathroom habits — and has the status updates to prove it.
2. You’ve only met him once but he “likes” everything you do on Facebook. Uh, stalk much?
3. You’re pretty sure she doesn’t wear her dress and veil everyday, but the girl can’t stop posting pics from her wedding two years ago.
4. He changed his relationship status to single instead of breaking up with you in person.
5. One word: Farmville.
6. She might not be on The Biggest Loser but for some reason she wants the entire world to know what she had for lunch, how many miles she just ran, and when she is sweating it out at the gym.
7. She has a photo album of your days as a teen beauty pageant queen, a scanner, and a passion for tagging.
8. EVERY WORD HE WRITES IS IN CAPS AND USUALLY FOLLOWED BY TONS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!
9. “So-and-So added you as a friend on Facebook” is the most you’ve heard from him in 10 years. Now that you’ve accepted the request you still haven’t connected.
10. Offline you call her Mom.
Pretty funny, no? I’m guessing that most of us could find the perfect example of each of these offenses on our own friend list… in fact, some people might fill more than one role.
However, while I don’t disagree that some of these things (and an endless list of other Facebook faux pas) are super annoying, I do disagree with the method through which the author suggests you deal with your “friends.”
Here’s my number one rule on Facebook:
Don’t unfriend. Hide.
Because really? Unfriending is SO RUDE. I recently discovered that a few of my FB “friends” unfriended me, and let me tell you, I was super offended! The fact that I barely knew one person in question or that I hardly ever talk to the other is not the point. The point is that they unfriended me! Unfriending is just not nice, and frankly not at all necessary.
Suppose I were to commit every one of the offenses listed above (which I wouldn’t do, I might add. Except for number 10, that’s entirely possible. But I would never, ever, ever do the first one, and believe me the odds of me doing number six are working in your favor as well) and you were just sick of it. You could unfriend me so you wouldn’t have to be annoyed by me daily (or hourly, or ever 7-12 minutes, depending on your propensity to monitor Facebook. Not that I know anything about that. *ahem*), but in case I haven’t mentioned it, unfriending me would be rude.
You could simply hide me, and everyone would be happy.
You wouldn’t have to hear about my latest Mafia Wars escapades, and I wouldn’t have to know that I annoy the shit out of you.
You see? This is a much better solution. Just hover around the top right corner of my latest status update or whatever it is that you don’t want to see anymore, and click on “hide.” I will be none the wiser.
And that way, I can continue to believe that you’re actually interested in what I do all day, every day.
Thanks for your consideration.
Ok, if you insist! JUST kidding, I live for your status updates!!
I totally agree. There is a big snafu in our neighborhood b/c someone unfriended her friend. She should have just hidden her. Heck, I hide over half my facebook contacts. But not you of course! 😉
I had to explain this to my husband after he unfriended real friends from church bc he couldn’t handle their love for a certain football team that will remain unnamed – and he felt like a big dork when they friend requested him again…geesh…hide people…well said!
I have a FB “friend,” ok, she went to high school with my husband and friended me for some reason, that is a total attention whore. I want to “hide” her, but I just can’t. Her status updates are like a train wreck- you just can’t help but watch. Also, her mother seems to be in on the attention whoring and comments a good 3-4 time on every single status update she makes. It’s really quite amusing.
Anywhooo- My final year in law school is when FB first came out. Only a few schools were allowed to join and you had to be a student. BUT- it was total stalker heaven. Facebook would tell you what building people were in. Ex- “Emily was last logged in at New Doris Hall” totally ratting me out that I was in my now-husband’s dorm instead of studying like I should have been. 😉
What is the big deal with being upfront and unfriending someone. So what. You are being honest and you over sensitive dumb girls are calling it rude. Be a woman and be upfront.
What you had to say about your husbands friend from high school is sooo funny. I can relate to your story. I sure this girl is just interested in YOU.
Agree completely. Number 5 drives me crazy. Like I care if you just bought a “cow” or “robbed a bank” in Mafia wars. You can “Hide” all updates from Mafia Wars, Farmville, etc without hiding the friends “real” updates.
What’s so wrong with Farmville!?!? LOL, you can also hide notices from certain applications that you don’t want to hear about. Then you can still see what your friend is up to without getting all of her Farmville/Mafia Wars/Yoville updates. Just sayin’…
I agree with you 100%! I am known by my RL friends as the FB Queen and they tell me that I post a lot and apparently have “nothing better to do since I am always on FB” BTW, I homeschool my kids ages 10-15, have a home daycare and run a virtual assistant business (where I Facebook and Twitter for businesses! LOL), am in children’s ministry and an active member of Junior Auxiliary…yeah, I have nothing better to do. They just don’t “get it” that it takes me a few seconds to update on my Blackberry. I am not sitting in front of the computer all day…like many of them are apparently! There have been a few people that “unfriended” me because of my frequent updates. It bothered me at first but now I have the attitude of “it’s their loss!” When I have people tell me that my posts are encouraging, it more than makes up for the negativity of the others. I posted a status a few months ago that said “if what I say really bothers you, just hide me”.
Thanks for sharing your feelings on how to handle Facebook friendships! I don’t have you as a Facebook friend (yet!) but I do follow you on Twitter and enjoy your tweets! Have a super blessed day.
“Latest Mafia War escapades.” You play MW? Wow. lol
I’ve actually hid a few people I didn’t want to offend(not that I’m afraid to get out the FB hatchet). Usually it’s for their cavalcade of negative comments. Complaining about their boss/job/spouse/siblings/weather blah blah blah. I’m constantly amazed at people’s inability to curate their own comments.
I sort of disagree. If it’s someone you interact with socially I agree that hiding is better in the long run. However, I unfriended a lot of people that I knew in high school recently. They were people I had added out of curiosity more than anything else. When I realized we had never interacted at all on Facebook after adding each other I didn’t want them on there anymore.
The problem with hiding is that while you no longer see their updates they still see yours and I decided that I didn’t want to share my updates with people who never ever interacted with me because why should they get to know what I’m up to if they don’t care enough to ever comment even once?
I have to agree with the commenter above me, Sherry, on this one. When I first started Facebook, I didn’t understand exactly how it all worked and I friended whoever requested. But as she said, after a while, we didn’t interact, and I felt like it was all just a game of being nosey, so I unfriended those I don’t interact with and pretty much just keep the account for keeping in touch with relatives and close friends.
Really, it’s your own account so do what you feel like doing! Just be prepared for the repercussions! 😀
OMC! So True! But they left out Mafia Wars!!
UP
Hey – I dont mind hiding but I have unfriended due to others using the REALLY bad profanity words….I dont want my kids walking in and seeing it..
Totally agree. I hide just a few people (but A LOT of applications/games) but I’ve only unfriended 1 person and I told them I was doing it and why. I noticed that a high school friend unfriended me…there was no reason for it…we were casual friends in school and had exchanged a few catch up hellos on facebook. I tried to tell myself that he harbored a huge crush on me from all of those years ago and his wife went into a jealous rage and demanded that he unfriend me. But yes, it kind of hurt my feelings.
My neighbor unfriended me. And then called and asked me if my daughter to babysit.
I was SOOOOO tempted to say, “lemme check. I’ll post it on your fb wall if she can do it or not.” HA HA HA
I have unfriended people in the past. Before I knew about the hide feature.
But now I’m wondering…..Emily….have YOU unfriended ME? LOL
this JUST happened to me also, I am very annoyed! (ok but I do think one of them deactivated their account) very annoying! I agree that it is quite rude!
I totally agree! I use HIDE a lot.
And to address the concerns of above commenters – you can go into your FB privacy settings and set your settings to exclude certain people from seeing what you post.
I use hide too, I keep my FB very PG I never know when the kids may be peeping.
I’m with Sherry on this one. I’ve unfriended people, as they have me. Is it really that offending to you, though? I mean, like Sherry said – if it’s someone you talk to regularly, sure I can see why “hide” would be a better option. But if it’s some random person you went to high school with, do you really care? I don’t. Maybe that’s just me…
Today will be my day to learn more about facebook, it sounds filled with a lot of stuff to ponder…
Dorothy from facebook
grammology.com
I unfriended a bunch of people I didn’t know a few months back because frankly, it creeped me out that they were there and I didn’t really know them. It was nothing personal against them but felt more comfortable doing that. Hopefully, nooone’s feelings were too hurt!
I’m sorry but there is always an occasion for unfriending someone. Trust, when you’re in the situation you know. Not all people come off at face-valure up-front and if you respect your privacy you’ll unfriend.
super offensive? I think not. I’ve been on both sides, I admit it’s a bit shocking at first when I learned I was unfriended. But then I stop and think about my relationship with this particular person that i hardly see, meet, or even talk to, i feel it’s the perfectly right thing to do. Why “hide” them and live a lie when you can delete them from your list like a real man? after all, it’s just FB. It’s not real life.
to me, we do a lot of things for the sake of appearance which is not good for self-esteem at all. i can guarantee you your life will be better after weeding those so-called friends from your list. or i just don’t care that much about FB anymore. I keep wondering when this passing fad will disappear.