Today was one of those draining days. It wasn’t particularly bad, and it had it’s sweet moments, but it left me, in a word, depleted. My husband had to work late and didn’t get home until 7:45. The kids badly needed a bath, and he usually takes the lead on that, but tonight, since he was going to be late I just did it, because they were starting to look pretty funky. As I dried Joshua off and watched the last of the bath water twirl and swirl down the drain like an aquatic ballerina, I saw the last of my energy go with it. I could feel it seeping out of my body, trying to pull my body with it. At that moment, I was so tired, curling up fully-clothed in the fetal position in the damp tub actually sounded real, real good.
Somehow I summoned the energy to get my two clean, yummy-smelling kiddos PJed and back downstairs, where I gave them each a cookie and plopped wearily on the couch. I wanted to become one with that couch. As I loafed in my exhausted state I urged my tired mind to come up with a reason, a rationale for why I felt so whooped. Although I’m not a math nerd like some people I know (*cough*Charles*cough), some numbers begin popping into my head. First, I thought of 4: the number of times I’ve swept the same living room floor where the kids have dropped food crumbs. Then other numbers just starting bouncing off my brain, breaking my day down into the minutiae whose sum = exhaustion.
7:30 the time I got up to get the kids ready for homeschool co-op
8:15 the time I decided the kids were too sick to go to co-op
37 (ish) the number of times I’ve wiped the kids noses today
3 the number of times I’ve watched various episodes of Word World
13 the number of goodie bags I made for some foreign college students in our area
5 the number of times Sophie pulled my hair out of my ponytail
6 the number of deep breaths I took to keep from yelling
2 the number of fish sticks Joshua ate for dinner
2 the number of fish sticks Joshua didn’t eat for dinner
3 the number of meals Sophie really did not eat at all
3 the number of diapers changed today
7 the number of times Sophie wiped her snotty nose on my shirt
2 the number of loads of laundry I did today
1 the number of wads of gum I removed from Joshua’s shoe
4 the number of Lysol wipes it took to get Sophie’s dinner tray clean
You get the picture. That’s the little stuff, done over and over and over again. It wears me the heck out and sometimes makes me feel resentful, like my time has been stolen from me. But if I’ll allow myself to focus on the big picture:
(even if one half of the big picture is picking her nose in a very unlady-like manner), I know it’s not today’s 2 loads of laundry or the 2 uneaten fish sticks that matter. What matters most at the end of the day is that I have 2 little people who know that they are loved, safe, and protected by their mama. And that, for better or worse, is the number I’m placing my bets on.
See, you are choosing joy. Just like you learned in the conference.
Nice posting pics of Sophie pickin’ her nose. Classy like her mama 🙂
Such a sweet post Jenny. Some days the numbers overwhelm me, too. Thanks for sharing!
i am right there with you… i have to keep reminding myself that i am going to survive this and it is going to be worth it…. i need to go buy some JOY detergent. i keep meaning to do that.
There you go, always look at the blessings. Even though it’s sometimes hard.
Thanks for the reminder — sometimes I’m too tired to remember to be joyful!
And I, like hundreds of others, so totally and completely understand. Sometimes Brooks (my DH) comes home & asks what I did today? And I’m like, “I have no idea, but I know that I was really busy.” Then he’ll ask why I didn’t get x or y done today? And I say, “I have no idea, but I know that I was really busy and that there wasn’t time.” He really seriously does not get it.
It’s the repetition that gets me — the beds to be made, laundry, dishes, and toys to be picked up. Every day. Twice a day. Every day. I just wonder how I’ll ever get anything done again when all my time is spent doing the same things over & over & over &…. well, you know.
And my baby has The Croup right now. As well as The Ringworm. And still has residual fluid in her ear from The Ear Infection.
Oh. My. God. The poor little baby! But you know at the end of the day, she’s still happy & I’m toast. But of course we wouldn’t have it any other way!
I think I just need to throw some money at the problem and get a maid. Anyone have any money I can throw at the problem? Ha ha hoo hoo haa hee hee haa ha ho ho….
Okay, I just typed out the longest reply, and it just disappeared after I pressed “submit”. How frustrating!
Short version : I totally understand.
But it was way wittier & revealing & much more satisfying…. oh well….
Melissa
(6 – the number of times I have cursed under my breath since putting my croupy baby to bed and trying to work on my computer…)
I’ve had a few days like that myself lately. I’ve forgotten what kind of patience a newborn requires! Combine that with a three-year-old who thinks he’s in charge and a 19-month-old who’s into EVERYTHING. Anyway, I better go make my diaper-changing rounds now…
Such a sweet post! I’ve had days like those as well. Somedays it’s like I wonder what in the world I’m doing while my husband (a college professor, nonetheless) is at work. But I know he appreciates all I do because he tells me everyday. I feel like my kids have “blossomed” since I’ve been staying at home with them.
I am crying this morning as I read it. Last night my darling one year old boy was up six times in the night. I slept little and woke up exhausted and resentful. Then, I was mad at myself for feeling that way. Thank you for reminding me of the big picture.
Oh – we’ve all had those days, huh..I was just wondering why I hadn’t seen you much on twitter tonight!….sweet post – even the finger up the nose! She’ll love you for that one 🙂
What a great way to think of the exhaustion. A lot of times i tend to complain about how tired I am and how busy I have been but when you think back. My kids were the happiest when I spent that time with them keeping them safe and making sure they are fed, clean, and loved. And because of that. I get the kisses and hugs and I love you’s. it’s all worth it in the end. I’m glad to be exhausted!