Posted on by Jenny

For Every Action

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Friday afternoon I took my kids to the play place at a local mall. They had a great time, running off some energy and playing with other kids. But about 30 minutes into our visit, I noticed a little boy playing there, who looked to be about four years old, was wearing a t-shirt that said, in large letters, “No, YOU F***ing Calm Down!” Except it said the actual word, with no lovely asterisks, but with a real u-c-k.

Seriously.

I am guessing that by dressing their child this way, his parents, (who looked like BonQuiQui Barbie and Tupac Ken) were hoping to get a reaction of some sort out of someone. Fortunately, I am not dumb enough to confront two tough-looking strangers at the mall play place, so I kept my reaction silent.

Until now. An open letter.

Dear Parents of the Boy with the “F” Word T-shirt at the Mall Play Place,

What is WRONG with you? Perhaps it is a point of pride with you that your four-year-old’s lexicon (look it up) includes the “F” word, and that his clothing gave the proverbial middle finger to everyone who laid eyes on him. I don’t know. But it made me want to vomit. And I am so, so thankful that my six-year-old, who can read (bigger words than that even, try not to feel intimidated) didn’t see L’il Expletive (again, look it up) rockin’ the F-bomb shirt. Because, really, “Mommy, what does f***ing mean?” is not what I want to hear out of MY child’s mouth.

You made me really mad by bringing your son to the mall with that shirt on. But I got over being mad, and was just thankful that my son was oblivious. Then after FLEEING the play place (thanks for that), I just felt really, really sad. Sad for your son, because I am guessing if that’s what you clothe him with, that you’ve instilled an “f-you” attitude in him as well. Perhaps he thinks already, at his young age, that the world owes him something (everything?). I gotta tell you, this isn’t going to serve him well. Not in kindergarten, not in school, work, family relationships, friendships – not anywhere. You’re setting your son up for failure. And he deserves more than that. He’s a child. Don’t give him the adult responsibilities that come with wearing that word on his chest.

And also? Pick another play place.

And also? Don’t cut me.

Love,

Jenny

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24 Replies to “For Every Action”

  1. My friend’s daughter Madison learned to swear at 3 years old. It was almost cute – the way her voice squeaked out those taboo words. As adults, we smiled – sometimes laughed – and ultimately encouraged her.

    She’s now a crack head with three kids at age 13.

    Okay, I made the last part up. Madison actually is incredibly smart but there was this adjustment period where we had to suddenly teach her the appropriateness of those words. That’s a tough conversation to have with some adults. Madison was lucky enough to have the capacity to understand that and she’s fine. The last time I heard her swear was during a Packers game and it was totally appropriate. In fact, her and her father said the same thing and the same time…lol

    I feel bad for any kid whose parents would put them in that situation. It has nothing to do with the swearword. Childhood is this mixture of innocence and insecurity. Putting your child in a position where they may illicit scorn from something that they probably wouldn’t understand is troubling. That kid was probably stared at, pointed, gawked at, dismissed, and everything in between and he had no idea why. Who knows how he would internalize that. The innocence starts getting stripped away. And that’s something no parent should take from their children. In the end, that’s the most f**ked up thing about this…..

  4. Wow. The only positive thing I see in this is that it sounded like his parents at least stayed in the vicinity while their son played. The last time we were at the play place (which was oddly enough on Friday,) there were parents dropping off their little boy (looking to be about 5) telling him to stay there and they would be back soon. This mom say whaaa?!

    I was only planning a short visit but felt obligated to stick around until his parents came to pick him up. Over an hour later, they came back with shopping bags in hand, telling him it was time to go. Then yelled at him for taking too long to find his shoes. REALLY?! And how long did it take you to find your Ed Hardy shirt and matching hat?!

    They are lucky I didn’t call the police. If it should ever happen again, though…

  5. This is so troubling and sad. I weep for that child’s future. Even more so for his future wife and children. And I am super thankful my 6 yo thinks the only 2 “naughty words” (that she won’t even say mind you) are the s-word and the d-word: stupid and dumb.

  6. Hmmm…I’ve often heard your Mother say, “Raised by wolves!”

    I’m sure they picked the shirt up at the Kid Rock Concert…see Jenn’s post from June.

    UP

  7. My former BIL thought it was hilarious that he taught his son to say the f-word. Nephew was only 2 yrs old at the time. I warned him that was something that could get him kicked out of preschool. BIL laughed.

    Nephew got kicked out of preschool. Not once. Not twice. Three of them.

    SIL couldn’t return to work because her kid swore.

    BIL is no longer my BIL (thank you, God)!

    And the nephew…is now 18 yrs old and the most responsible straight-laced kid in America 🙂

  9. Poor little guy.

    Praying a blessing over his young life right now. I hope he’s a miraculous survivor of his situation, that somewhere along the line he learns respect, trust, humility, and generosity.

  11. This truly saddens me! J and I were in shock when you texted me and I still can’t believe that a parent would allow a child to wear that because really, at 4 years old the child didn’t beg to get the shirt, or sneak it into the house only to sneak it out to wear. The parents made the decision for this child – and that is pathetic.
    Even more pathetic is that this child will most likely grow up, get kicked out of school, and end up either at a dead end job making just enough money for alcohol and cigarettes, living a life of crime or in jail, because of the attitude that he is learning at such a young age.
    Way to go parents – I hope you are proud of yourselves.
    One more word – disgusting!!

  12. @ Erin, Bravo for taking the time to pray for him! I stand with you that the sins of the parent won’t be left on the shoulders of the child. It is very sad that we as parents make mistakes that harm our children. I know that I am looking closer today at what I am doing as so many little eyes are watching and little feet are following.

  13. Um…. call me the minority here, but maybe they thought it was just funny? I mean, it is kinda funny.

    It’s not like their son needs to know what it says, or means, it’s not likely most kids his age could read it. They did it for a laugh, and I’m not sure there’s that much wrong with it.

    Just a thought.

    But then, I think many f the T-shirt hell . com tees are hilarious.

  15. I washed 2 of my 3 kids’ mouths out with soap yesterday for yelling “STOP IT!! (might as well been followed by the f word… you know the tone) one too many times at each other. The irony of life? MY kids will be the ones in juvy! Lord, have mercy.

  16. What the FUDGE is wrong with people. That shirt is so inappropriate in so many ways. Glad your kids didn’t notice or pay it any attention. Rant on Jenny!

  17. Wow! I am speechless. Those parents are teaching their child to be cynical, crude and probably a bully before he has a chance in life.

  18. My heart goes out to the parents. Most definitly grown up in a bad home. These characteristics get passed down each generation. All the more motivation to teach people, families parents that there is something bigger than ourselves in control…and there is an evil out there fooling the world.

  19. Celia, I would have absolutely called the police. That boy is lucky it was you sitting there and not a child molester.

  20. Too many parents these days are letting their kids be in control. You don’t want to do it? That’s okay sweetie! Um, NO! Sorry people. I hold my children to a higher standard than that. Respect, love, be kind, those are the things we should be teaching. I’m with Erin-pray for them 🙂

  23. I love to read your blog and think you guys do a great job. I’m glad I’m not the only one that wants to scream when I see things like this. Can I say this, too, as a high school teacher who is starting to see the results of some of these bad parenting decisions in early childhood…please think of your children and the long term effects. That t-shirt is is a great example. Also, I am amazed how many parents have bought tv sets for their children’s bedrooms, from elementary school on!! They wonder why they don’t get enough sleep, choose a book over tv or have much creativity. Also, we have many parents lately who, at the elementary school in our district, have purchased Nintendo DS systems with Internet access. Their little elementary school kids are online all of the time, even in their rooms without being monitored…scary!! Some people block their systems, but not all.

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