I Wish I Could Just Float Through Life Like Emily Does

I am epically sorry that I haven’t written here in awhile, you guys. I thought I’d have more time and energy to blog after I went part time with my job writing for ForEveryMom, but the truth is…I write eight article a week there and THAT…is A LOT. Creative juices are hard to come by after eight 700-1,000 word articles a WEEK. I mean maybe I could have done it in my prime (whenever that was), but now I’m OLD. Like I’ve got five days left of being 40. And yessssterday that indignity was solidified by a trip to the BMV, where:

• I was told my Social security card (which we’re not allowed to laminate, BTW) was to ripped up to get the fancy new TSA compliant license
• I almost failed my vision test in my left eye because I wore my contacts instead of my glasses because you’re no longer allowed to wear glasses (or SMILE, GAH) in your driver’s license photo and my left eye doth protest a lot about contacts these days,
• I answered multiple questions about how many times I’d been married (UNO thanks) and had to pony up proof of that just ’cause I had the gall to change my name 18.5 years ago, AND
• I paid $25 for the “regular” license that won’t get me on a plane so I could stay street legal while I’m getting a new social security card

UGH. ANYWAY.

I am fairly certain NONE of this would have happened to me if I were one Emily Berry. In case you’ve forgotten, she’s this one:

And this is basically her EVERY DAY.  I mean firstofall, she’s only 39 and secondably (I love inventing words! It’s my fave), she’s still got perfect vision. I’ve been blind since I was EIGHT.  Coke bottle glasses or contacts for THIRTY-THREE YEARS and all this one has to do is OPEN HER EYES to see in the morning. UGH. So irritating.

I’m fairly sure when she goes to the BMV they let her bring a giant ring light like Khloe Kardashian and take 12-15 photos and let her CHOOSE which one she wants.

Case en pointe, last Sunday we held a spectacular event at a salon for our Monat customers. And by “we” I mean my team, of which Emily is a part. Earlier in the week she stayed up 36 entire ours moving every last freshman into the dorms at Miami University ALL BY HERSELF so she was all, “Look I’ll show up to the event and help you pay for it, but I CANNOT help plan it.” And I was all, “Fine, but could you at LEAST bring your fancy hair dryer (which I ordered you from Costco because that’s what you do when you love someone) so we can use it on a customer?” And she was all, “YEP.”

Well let’s just say the event started at five and it was CRAZYPANTS, which was awesome, but that I got a text from Emily at 6:30 saying she’d taken a long nap and just woke up and oopsie she was sorry she missed it.

And you know what? DO you KNOW how easy this woman’s life is? Here’s how easy: Not only was I not mad, until I got the text, I hadn’t even noticed she and her hair dryer weren’t there!!

Now, you might be insulted if you were Em, but the truth is I was so busy I didn’t have time (FOR ONCE) to think about Emily.  And I was not even mad because look at her, I can’t be mad at her!! And she got a FOUR  HOUR NAP!

I mean, she DID stay up 36 hours that week personally making the bed of every last freshman at Miami (#loveandhonor) but COME ON.

I guess the main point I’m trying to make here is: Where have I gone wrong with my life?? I’ve GOT to start riding this girl’s coat tails. Or at LEAST just start copying literally everything that she does.

Because it’s clearly working. I mean I’m writing this entire jealous rant about her and I still just really wish I was with her right now. *Sigh*

How does she DO IT??