The other day I was pondering parent witticisms and trying to remember a funny Erma Bombeck quote I’d once read. This pondering soon led me down the rabbit hole that is an internet search for funny parenting quotes. Thankfully, it was a really funny rabbit hole that was good for my mom soul. Here are 10 of the funniest quotes I found – I WISH I could’ve said these better myself, but alas, these people are funnier than me. In some cases, I’ve added my own commentary in bold. Enjoy!
“When my kids become wild and unruly I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” – Erma Bombeck
“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.” – Erma Bombeck
“Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids.” – Erma Bombeck (I really wish I could high-five Erma for this one!)
“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.” – Bill Cosby (I’m totes adding that to my list of child-naming rules, Bill!)
“In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck – and, of course, courage.” – Bill Cosby
“Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano (Ermgersh. Just call my house Pi Sigma Crappa.)
“Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next sixteen years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.” – Nia Vardalos (That you will never, ever be able to find anything in.)
“Children aren’t happy without something to ignore, and that’s what parents were created for.” – Ogden Nash
“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.” – Jerry Seinfeld (Or an off button.)
and finally…
“Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.” – Ed Asner (In that case I really, really, need a bulletproof vest!)
So, those are some of my favorite funny quotes inspired by the insanity that is raising children. Do you have any favorite quotes? I’d love to hear them in the comments!
“Poop in one hand, and wish in the other; see which one gets full first.” Mom
Love these-especially the Jerry Seinfeld one with the blender. Thank you for compiling them! ????