Thoughts of an Anxious Insomniac

Last night I went to bed at 10:30 and I was so exhausted that I actually felt nauseous – maybe this is from my latest adventures in hormone therapy, maybe I was just super-tired. In any case, I took a Tylenol PM to go with my pre-bed Prozac ’cause I hadn’t slept well the past two nights and I really wanted to SLEEEEEEP.

But of course I had trouble falling asleep, despite my exhaustion. I’ve been having a little trouble with anxiety the past couple of days. It hasn’t been crippling, but it has been uncomfortable, and it’s come with a tightness in my chest – a physical symptom that is really getting on mah NERVES.

So I was feeling that, and then I started to get hungry. You see, another thing with this hormone-dealio is lack of appetite. Now it’d be nice if this symptom helped me to lose a few pounds, but unfortunately my appetite for Mountain Dew is still fully intact. Except yesterday, I was REALLY off, because I didn’t even have any Dew! What I ingested yesterday was a glass of chocolate milk, two cups of chocolate pudding (one for lunch, one for dinner, mmmm) and a cafe mocha. (Are you sensing a chocolate theme?)

In any case, as the clock crawled toward 11:00 last night, my appetite returned. But I was too tired to get up and do anything about it. I just wanted to sleep. But I was so ravenous I about started to nibble on my own hand.

I managed, after a few minutes, to ignore the hunger but I still couldn’t sleep. My exhausted mind began to hatch a plan to reach sleep. Here’s what I would do: I’d get up, rummage through my closet to find my sadly-neglected tennis shoes, put them on, and go for a run. Now perhaps you may remember from reading this blog that I abhor exercise. And when Emily talks about running it about gives me hives. I can’t run a BLOCK, people, but after 11 last night this seemed like a good idea. I’d lace up my sneaks, and I’d run in my pajamas. I knew I wouldn’t make it far but maybe five or six blocks would be enough to tire me out. I pictured myself running as fast as I could over the bumpy, uneven city sidewalk, maybe down to the convenience store I call Apu’s and then back again, my chest bursting as I returned home – surely then I could gulp down some water, take off my sneakers, and fall into bed and sleep would immediately overtake me.

What a great plan!

Riiiiight. Like I was gonna do that. But so desperate for sleep was I, that it did seem semi-rational.

Imagining my run must’ve tired me out some, because it wasn’t too much longer after that mental exercise that I DID fall asleep. The Tylenol PM seemed to work it’s magic and I actually slept pretty well. Joshua actually stayed in his own bed all night for once and didn’t wake me up until ten til eight this morning.

After I shook the sleep off this morning I giggled remembering my nocturnal thoughts. I have got to be the most neurotic person on the planet!

Me? Go for a RUN? No matter what time of day or night, THAT is crazy-talk. Or crazy-thinking as the case may be. But seriously. Seemed like a good idea at the time.