I think I am having an identity crisis.
Last night when I was saying goodnight to Joshua as he climbed into bed I got really weepy. I mean, he will be eleven years old in a month. And laying there in his bed, he looked HUGE. And he was kinda just like, “Ok lady, tell me good night and get out of here.”
Instead I told him a story, a true story about how when he was a baby, once he really got communicative, between say 6 and 18 months, and he was SO sweet, I used to say to him ALL THE TIME: “Joshua, I hope you always love me as much as you do right now.”
Because he LOVED me. SO much. Unabashedly. With abandon. And he was just indescribably sweet. His babyhood for me was much easier and more enjoyable than Sophie or Jonah’s, both because he was an easy baby and because he was the only one. I was his and he was mine, completely.
And now he loves Minecraft and friends and watching Agents of Shield with Daddy.
And he’s almost 11 and I’m 37 and…when did this happen? I still feel like I should be 26 with a newborn.
So…pop quiz: who am I, and what am I supposed to do with this giant man-child who could take or leave me?
Anyone have a cheat sheet?
You are Jenny, his mom, and just be there in case he needs you. My girls are 23 and 19. As long as he knows you are there for him if he needs you, it will be fine. He’s growing up and spreading those wings, and that’s what we raise them to do!
I am feeling that way,too, about my growing-up grandchildren. I guess you come by it honestly. Being a mother was and is the biggest privilege and joy of my life…I am always sentimental about it. BTW, how did my baby girl get to be 37? And my baby boys in their 40’s?
Again, I miss my kids being little .
I am right there with you Jenny. I feel the same way about Mitchell.
Sigh. Seems like just yesterday Joshua was obsessing over Mitchy’s hot wheels ramp and peeing on your floor…and puking on your dog…wait maybe I’m not sad anymore! Ha.
what a memorable evening!
This hit me in all the feels. Mine turned 11 yesterday. He’s taller than me! He’s always been a “Daddy’s boy,” but when he was a baby we used to have those “love me forever” moments too. I have a 2 year old now that is in that stage and it kills me to think of him as the same as his older brother who hates mom kisses. When I put said 11-yr-old to bed last night I told him the story of the day/night he was born and how it was the best day of my life because it changed me from “Jill” to “Mama” and I’ve never been the same since. He is still the coolest thing I’ve done in my life and I’m honored to have him as my baby, even if he just wants me to get out of his room!
Solidarity, sister!! xo