So like remember that time I told you that I suck at like, doing normal things like walking around and talking and remembering my own name and completing simple tasks without self-injury? Remember that???
Saturday I had to go to the grocery, and I hate going on the weekend but when I got back from California, we had very few edible items left in our home, so off I went. Taking one for the team! Because the team. WAS. HUNGRY. When I got home, Jonah was asleep and Bobby and the kids were in the basement, so I was all, “Yay, I can put the groceries away without the children trying to pick through the bags and rip open the cheez-its! This is UTOPIA!!!”
So there I was, in my kitchen, which is practically Shangri-La, happily putting veggies and cheese in the fridge, when I stood up and WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!! Smacked my BELOVED FACE into the open freezer door. This is sad, because a) it hurt and b) I am a little vain and slightly fond of my FACE.
I’m going to stop right here and recommend you close the freezer door when you are done putting things in it. Not just to keep your food cold and conserve energy, but so that you don’t rearrange your FACE with it.
After yelling out in pain (I believe the word I used was “FUDGESICLES!!!!!!!”), I immediately put my hand to my nose and sure enough, that sucker was BLEEDING. Good thing I was in such close proximity to the freezer. Frozen veggies sure come in handy at a time like this! A little pressure, a little frozen veggie medley, and fortunately I was able to avoid any bruising from my unintentional attempted rhinoplasty. (Although it would’ve been fun to walk around in public with a bruised schnoz and make downcast eyes as people stared accusingly at my husband. Right? You better walk the line, Bobby Rapson!)
This is just another shining example of how marvelously dysfunctional I am. I roam the highways and byways of our great world dodging the unrelenting barrage of my own bullets. How am I in charge of keeping three children safe every day!? The odds? ARE NOT GOOD, people.
Pardone me while I go wrap my kids in bubble wrap and proceed to online shop for padded EVERYTHING.
It is genetic. remember the time I walked into a ladder clearly marked with a red cloth that was in the back of your dad’s truck? He is sure that I broke my nose…that is what is wrong with it. Right?
My MIL recently severed the ligament in her ring finger putting away toilet paper. I’m sorry you hurt yourself. Glad the veggies were close by.
Any accident involving TP is just so bloggable!!
You are not alone, friend, you are not alone. It’s a miracle I managed to survive this long. I have a particular panache for bonking my head on the car door. Not really sure how I do it, but I sure am good at it.
I did the head-into-car-door thing A LOT when I was driving a sedan. Maybe that’s why I have Momnesia!
Here’s the thing. You should have kept UP with the Ballet lessons! And, Jenny Michele makes more sense now than Jenny Grace.
KWIM?
UP
I never took ballet! (obviously) And it’s Michelle with TWO l’s, come on UP!
I just assumed, knowing your dad that he was saving money on L ink since he went with the two Ns in Jenny…
UP
I am not laughing….*snicker*….I am not laughing. 🙂
Your writing here, my friend, is GOLDEN.
Did I tell you about the time I SHUT MY HEAD in the car door? No? How about when I sliced my finger open (which left a gross scar, btw) cleaning SOMEONE ELSE’S toilet. Also, I’m sure that I’ve fallen down the stairs as an adult more times than any of my three children have combined while they were LEARNING TO USE THE STAIRS. Thanks for being relatable, Jenny. Thanks.
Ouch. Hope your OK. I took a header while running the other day, over a pothole. Thankfully my ego was more hurt than my body.