This is not exactly a topic of Christmas cheer, but it’s what’s on my mind, so it’s what’s coming out.
In the car the other night I heard some of the John Tesh radio show (and it totally made my ears BLEED by the way) and the topic was how much money people spend to ensure that they will look good at their funerals. Apparently, it’s all the rage now to drop a load on botox and the like after you’re dead to ensure that you’ll look peaceful, young, and glamorous WHILE YOU’RE LAYING IN A COFFIN.
Please, people. The minute I die I am gonna be in heaven with Jesus. HEAVEN! This is the minute my body and my vanity cease to exist! So, (sorry mom) cremate that B****! Burn me UP. The body is not gonna matter anymore. And seriously, if you want to look at my dead body, you have major problems which I am just NOT gonna enable.
Burn me up, and then have a party. I LOVE life, but I am going to love what comes next even more. Very possibly because in heaven I am counting on being totally gorgeous without ever having to style my hair or pluck my eyebrows.
Paradise!
Dude. If any of you people walk up to my casket at my funeral and say “She looks just like herself,” or “She looks so natural,” I swear I will rise up out of that box and bitch-slap you. I do not want to look my BEST when I am DEAD. That is just wrong. I want you to look at me in the casket and say “Well, she looks dead to me.” I agree — burn me up and do not waste valuable real estate planting me in the ground!
Bobby, don’t do it!
Most Christian religions are opposed to Cremation since it was started as a pagan ritual to defy the resurrection of the body in the end times.
I’m all about a closed coffin.
But, with all the tanning, cremation would be an easy next step!
John Tesh ALWAYS makes my ears bleed.
And, you’re right…cheery subject this time of year…Merry Freakin’ Christmas Baby!
UP
This is too funny. My mom is a hairdresser and always said she wants a closed casket because “No one could do my hair correctly.”
But, seriously, I had a client who was a funeral home and they’ve discussed how more and more people are choosing cremation.
Dear Niece, Merry Christmas!!
Terrible subject for Christmas, kinda like a bad topic at the dinner table. ha. ha.
I agree with Diane, Bobby don’t do it!!
I plan on receiving a new body, one that does not require pruning or plucking my dear, so I’m going with the resurrection thing. I plan to make this easier on our creator, albeit, HE doesn’t really need any help from me. I plan for folks to do as my Mother always says, “we saw so many people and had the best time visiting with everyone”. Doesn’t bother me one whit if they comment that I look good, but I won’t spend on dime to make that happen. John Tesh indeed! He should have stuck to acting!!
Love you dearly and can’t wait to see you and your sweet, lovely, incredible, precious family!!
Aunt Zola (UP’s Sister)
YOU CRACK ME UP!!! Can I just tell you how much I HATE open casket funerals? I LOATHE THEM. And now, I’m pretty sure the next one I’m forced to attend, all I will think is, “Burn that B****!” Thanks, friend. 🙂
I totally agree! The very thought of someone visiting my dead body totally creeps me out. Cremate me and get rid of the ashes.
Aunt Zola is soooooooooo correct…Mother does say, “…we saw so many people, and had the best time visiting with everyone…” Our Grandmothers died 2 days apart, the funerals were 2 days apart, and then a cousin died…so yet, another funeral. One of my Aunts said, “Della, ya’ll need to go home! We’re runnin’ outta relatives”
UP
Wow, this is hilarious, because my husband and I were just talking about Dolly Parton (I saw her on tv and thought she looked like she had serious “work” done). So Aaron says, “I wonder what happens to all the plastic surgery after you’re in the grave for a while!” It does bring up an interesting point – is it biodegradable? All these people want to “Go Green” and save the planet. What would save the planet more than not taking up casket space =) (While I have no personal opinion on cremation vs. casket, I am thankful that I will one day have a new resurrected body with my Lord Jesus Christ!) “Ashes to ashes and dust to dust….”
LOL – you crack me up. No, certainly not a message of Christmas cheer. I’ve never heard anyone paying for plastic surgery after they are dead – what a joke! I’m with you – burn me up!!
hehee…you are so funny! Thanks for the laugh during this insanely stressful time of year! I totally agree with you- funerals are crazy-expensive! I always tell my husband to just throw me in a trash bag, and let the trashman pick me up.. for free, no less. I don’t need my body after I die! I am going to paradise too!
I want one of those scream mats like they sell at Halloween under the carpet at my funeral just to jazz it up so when they get close step on the mat and it will scream LOL But I am one of those people that loves a good laugh and I hope that all my family and friends would understand and not have a heartattack and come join me in the after life 🙂
I’m donating this shell to some nice Medical School, but otherwise I would like a pine box and hole in the ground. Grandpa, by the way, occasionally requests a Hefty Bag, so perhaps its a family thing to care little about the disposal of ones corpse.
Haha! nice, Mackenzie 🙂
I haven’t decided on the whole burial/cremation thing..
but I do agree that when I’m dead, my body wont matter.. I’ll be in Heaven with Jesus and that’s all that will!