Back to Basics

My surgery is scheduled for March 25, and my doctor’s office evidently wants me to be prepared.

Yesterday, I got this in the mail.

It’s a handy little pamphlet full of useful information. Highlights include:

— A hysterectomy is the removal of the uterus. During pregnancy, the uterus holds and nourishes the fetus (a baby growing in the woman’s uterus).

— It also depends on the findings of a pelvic exam (a manual examination of a woman’s reproductive organs).

— A needle may be placed in your arm or wrist. It is attached to a tube called an IV line.

— After a hysterectomy, a woman can no longer get pregnant.

It also contained before and after pictures:

At least I’ve got that going for me.

I guess I shouldn’t be making fun of this, because in reviewing it I learned that I’m not actually having a hysterectomy – because they are removing my ovaries (two glands, located on either side of the uterus, that contain the eggs released at ovulation and that produce hormones) and Fallopian tubes (tubes through which an egg travels from the ovary to the uterus) as well, I am actually having a salpingo-oophorectomy. So there’s that.

Anyway, this brochure got me to thinking about the completely absurd educational materials designed to teach girls about getting their period.

Anyone remember this gem?

I was scarred for life after having to watch Daisy Duck get her period when I was in fourth grade.

And then there was the famous uterus pancake featured in the VHS video Always would ship if you sent them a self-addressed stamped envelope. Anyone remember that? Evidently the video itself doesn’t exist on the internet, but I will say google finished my sentence for me when I started to type “uterus pancake video.” (which I do not recommend doing, by the way)

All of this leaves me with one more question – are men/boys also presented with information about their reproductive health in completely ridiculous ways?
Please tell me there’s a comparable video about Mickey Mouse’s… never mind.