April 1, 2009 was a very exciting day for me. In the middle of the afternoon, I was sitting at my desk minding my own business when suddenly I got an email from Maria Bailey inviting me to the Magical Moms Mixer at Walt Disney World. Needless to say, I about fell out of my chair from excitement.
Later that day, my husband called to tell me our friend Leah heard my name on a local radio station, and that I had won a contest and got to have lunch with Nick Lachey. I immediately called Leah to verify that she and Andy weren’t trying to play some kind of sick April Fools Day joke on me – they knew my BFF Jess and I had been entering the contest on a daily basis, and I was not about to believe them without proof. But sure enough, when I got home there was a message from a local radio personality telling me that I had in fact won the contest. Again, I about fell out of my chair from excitement. I was going to have lunch with Nick Lachey, and I could bring a friend! Awesome!!
This was the luckiest day of my life! News of an incredible trip to Disney and lunch with a super hot famous celebrity all in one day?? Amazing!
But can you guess what the difference was between those two things? I actually went to Disney. Lunch? Not so much.
A few days before the lunch was scheduled, I got another call from the radio station – this time saying that Nick had a “conflict” and the lunch would have to be postponed. Postponed. That is the key word here. Jess and I were so disappointed, but we were hopeful that they’d reschedule and we’d still get to have our lunch. So we waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Every couple of months I’d get word from the station that they were trying to work something out with Nick and his people, and we held out hope. Surely it would happen – Nick is from our area and he’s here often doing very important things like dress up like an elf on Cincinnati Bell commercials – we were confident he’d make time for us. He even sent me a lovely autographed picture to apologize for the delay.
However, yesterday, nearly a year after the big news, I got an email saying this:
Despite his numerous recent local appearances around the area for charities or sponsors, he never made it here to make up our event. Every time he came into town, we reached out to his people to work it out. Up until about two weeks ago, we were still being told to remain hopeful. Two weeks ago, we were informed that he was dropped from his record label and at that point, we knew this opportunity has passed.
I then had the unfortunate job of passing the word on to Jess. I forwarded the message with the subject “Sad news – prepare yourself.”
I feel it’s appropriate to express my disappointment to Nick, so I’m thinking of sending him this letter.
Dear Nick,
My BFF Jess and I have been loyal fans of yours for a long time. We watched “Newlyweds” religiously. Jess even has the complete set of DVDs. I’ll never forget the Thanksgiving day when I received a voicemail from her that said, “Em, I had to call you because I wanted you to hear this from me. Nick and Jessica are officially breaking up.” It was a sad day.
When we thought we were going to have lunch with you, we were thrilled. We were sure we’d totally hit it off with you and we’d be BFF – or at least Facebook friends – with you, too. Because, you know, we have a lot in common with you. You’re from Ohio. We’re from Ohio. You attended Miami University. We graduated from Miami University. (But we’ve never been members of a flash-in-the-pan boy band, though, so don’t feel bad.) It was going to be a great day!
But by putting us off for 10 months and finally telling us where to go, you ruined it, and you ruined our opinion of you while you were at it.
So, Nick, next time you’re sitting next to Pete Rose signing autographs at the Cincinnati Boat and RV show, Jess and I aren’t coming.
So there.
Love,
Emily
*******
Edited: November 21, 2012. Oh hi! If you’ve stumbled upon this post for some reason, make sure to go read THIS post for an update – as it turns out, we did have a chance to meet Nick, and he was spectacularly nice. I totally take back all the not-so-nice things I said about him in this post, but I’m leaving it up here because it’s a good back story for our eventual meeting. And, let’s face it, it’s funny.
That. may be. the funniest thing I’ve EVER! READ! But you forgot to say…BAZINGA!!!!
Poor, Poor Pathetic Nick, he just doesn’t know what he lost when he and Jessica broke up does he- LOL!!! I am so glad that you are finally SO OVER IT…….what a way to to tell him about it!
that was hilarious!! And I totally think you should send him that letter!!! What a tool!!
You had me laughing historically at work Em! I couldn’t have said it better myself. Best Mommin-It-Up post EVER!!!!!
Next step… email Perz!
I get it, you’re pissed, but don’t make an a$$ of yourself by attempting to send this to his people. Move on
HA HA HA HA HA HA…BEST POST EVER! the doodles on his picture MADE the post!
Simply awesome post. Suck It Nick Lachey, you non-graduating Miami Student Divorcee.
hey anonymous…here is a list just for you.
#1 get a sense of humor. period.
#2 you have to be kidding yourself if you think nick lachey even has “people” anymore.
#3 if you feel that this post is sad or pathetic, at least have the cajones to leave your name.
#4 if you want to have a war of the words over this comeback to your rude blog post, post back and bring it! i guarantee you i will win.
that is all.
Too funny Emily! I mean, it’s not, you were totally screwed out of lunch date.
I’d send that letter.
What a douche-tron.
Great post Em, I’m LMAO!
Wow, Anonymous, it’s Friday you may want to go ahead and get whatever it is that’s stuck up your A** out and enjoy the day. The post was meant to be funny and that it was!!!
HILARIOUS! Love it! And, I think anonymous IS Nick. He goggled his name, and came to this blog hopeful to find fans. DENIED.
I’d send the letter, however, I’m not sure anyone stupid enough to MARRY Jessica Simpson can read!
And if you hear about a Win A Lunch With Skynyrd Contest…please call me!!
UP
Em, HILARIOUS!!! I say try to find that person, or maybe at least his grandma. Because you know where her adult assisted living facility is SINCE in that one episode of “Newlyweds” Nick and Drew went to sing at her wedding. Um, did I just admit that I watched it and I remembered that? Well, it’s out there now!
Oh, and what Gina said. Very well put, girl! I don’t like rude anon commenter. Plus it’s not like we don’t know who they are thanks to the fabulosity of IP addresses!
This is fantastic. And Hippo Brigade just introduced me to my new fave word – douche-tron! Maybe I am out of it, but that one is new to me. Also, I’d love to see Gina have it out with anon – or anyone at this point. Girl is ready rumble with someone this morn and I’m putting all my $ on her!
Gina is spot on. “Anonymous” you need heed this advice and it will vastly improve what I can only imagine is a very sad life.
Can’t stand ANONYMOUS comments like this. GROW A PAIR PEOPLE!
Em – it was freakin’ hilarious and I needed the laughed today.
xxoo
I was so jealous of you winning lunch with Nick, and I don’t feel so bad anymore… thanks for the laugh, Nick is a jerk!
I have so many things to say I don’t know where to begin. First of all, what do you expect when you’re a fan of an asshat like Nick Lachey? Second, I was going to rip Anonymous a new one, but Gina did an excellent job. And third, I think douche-tron is the best word I’ve ever heard.
I’ll take you to lunch next week at Fiesta Charra. Will that help?
Since today is about learning new words, I love a$$hat, new fav curse word! Also, that is the funniest post ever…ever!
I heard Dax is available for a lunch date!
WOW! I used to think he was an okay guy! He seemed like from their TV show. Bummer! What a jerk!!!!!!
Seriously, its not like he has to go out of his way to get to Cincy. Way to keep the goodwill with your Cincy peeps. I bet the radio station was fumed about it too.
Maybe ANON is Nick Lachey and he’s been stalking your blog!!!
Does he have an official twitter page?