Man, you can tell from the title that this post is going to be a winner.
It’s true – my keychain is abusive. It hurts me and I keep coming back.
Here’s the offender:
Not that you can tell from that fine piece of photography, but it is made of a thin wire rope. Quite frequently a strand of the rope breaks, and a tiny, unnoticeable metal splinter pops up and pokes the crap out of my hand. It is super awesome… I’ll be walking along, minding my own business when I reach for my keys and stab myself. It draws blood! And also lots of cuss words.
This will happen three or four times in a row, and each time, I vow to buy a new keychain. But then that particular pokey part will break off, and the keychain doesn’t hurt me anymore. So memories of my wounds fade, and I begin to think that my keychain is not so bad. Eventually, I forget to buy a new one.
And then, for no particular reason, it will turn against me and sprout a new needle. I curse and bleed and vow to throw it in the trash, but then…
It’s a vicious cycle, really. If I had to guess, I’d say it has been going on for a year. That’s right, I’ve been carrying around a keychain that regularly makes me bleed for a year.
As my dad would tell me, I have rocks in my head.
Kinda reminds me of having braces, maybe you should get some wax! Or just get a fancy Brighton one. I’m sure they’d send YOU one if you posted about it.
UP
And I didn’t know what to get you for Christmas!
Am I going to have to take the $3.50 we make every month on this blog and buy you a keychain!? I’m going to Target. Be back soon.
I had that problem once. (Should I underline once?)
Just now read this. I have some sweet Budweiser key chains from work that you can have. I’ll send you a picture and you can choose.