Mommin' It Up!

August 6, 2008January 13, 2009

Horror-Moans

Greeting from the throes of Hormone Hell! (If you are reading this and are a dude, you MIGHT wanna bail now. That means, YOU, Dad! And YOU, Uncle Dan!)

Ok, anyways. It’s that time of the month. Ever since my period returned when Sophie was 10 months old, my hormones have been torturing me. So I write this as I am on day THREE of a terrible headache. The cramps weren’t really that bad his time around, for which I am thankful! But unfortunately, this isn’t the only time during my cycle when the hormones and I duke it out. They also smack me with a nice headache or two when I’m fertile. These are sometimes accompanies by puking. And then there’s the zits. Giant, sore, swollen spots on my forehead. One is either starting or healing virtually ALL the time. I get one when I’m fertile and one just before my period. I am starting to get scars. I never had acne like this when I was a teenager, but now that I’m thirty, well, they are making up for lost time.

Finally, there’s the mood swings. The night before I got my period this time I was seriously so depressed, I just wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear. I am normally an upbeat person, but these hormones just make me crazy sometimes. I knew it was totally irrational. All I could do was go to bed. I knew I would feel calmer in the morning (and I did). But I’d rather just skip that feeling altogether.

There are two solutions to this problem: get pregnant (Hee-ell no, sorry Mom!) or wean Sophie and get back on the ol’ birth control pill. I seriously care MORE that it regulates my horror-moans than I do that it prevents pregnancy.

So. I need to wean this girl. She is 20 months old for goodness sake, I think I’ve done my duty.

But she’s my baby.

And she’s very strong-willed.

And she loves her some nursing.

And she really does not like the idea of giving it up.

And the sound of her screaming makes me want to jump off a bridge.

But I’m tired of my hormones taking me from this:

To this:

So tell me, world wide interwebz, what do I do?

July 10, 2008July 10, 2008

It’s a Good Thing Drano is so Darn Effective

Earlier this week Emily regaled us with the tale of how she and her family survived her first day back at work after maternity leave. Little did I know that the next day I also would have a harrowing experience to survive. It did not involve the pain of separation from my child, however, but the pain of being with her at the grocery store. It nearly drove me to suicide. But I am getting ahead of myself.

It all started with my bathroom sink. The stupid thing has been threatening to clog for a couple of weeks now, and wouldn’t you know it finally gets up the nerve to go through with it about five hours after my husband goes out of town for work for the week. Soo, bright and early Tuesday morning, the kids and I got ready to go to CVS to score some Drano, among other things. (As a side note, let me set the scene a little more by saying that I recently got my hair cut and for some reason really felt the need to actually style it and wear it down this particular day. Which I had not done in weeks.) Because we certainly would not want to go somewhere else and PAY for our Drano. That would be nuts!! (And as you will see from this story, I am quite rational.) Sophie behaved fairly well at CVS, until checkout time, when, as usual, she decided to try to climb out of the cart. It doesn’t matter whether I have belted her in the front part, or let her sit in the big part, she always tries to climb out. Most of the seat belts in the carts I can’t seem to tighten enough to cut off the circulation in her legs, therefore they are no match for her will to get the hell out of that cart. So, I ended up having to hold her while I was forking over my coupons and ECBs which was very inconvenient.

We made it out of CVS and even though it was already 4,000 degrees at 10:30 a.m. and my lovely hairstyle was making me sweat like a pig, I decided to also go to Kroger while we were out, because we needed bread and fruit and I also wanted to get a couple of good sale items. Oh, and also because I am CRAZY and apparently like to TORTURE myself. I mean really, if I wasn’t so masochistic what would I blog about?

So we went to Kroger. To add to my psychotic behavior, I decided to get my groceries in two transactions so I could use the coupon I’d be getting back on the first order to help pay for my second order. The first transaction was Kool-aid and peanuts. (LOOK, I will explain that on Super Savings Saturday, I swear there is a method to my madness!) When I got to the checkout, Sophie was in the big part of the cart with Joshua and she had a Kool-Aid packet in each hand. I told the cashier that I had 12 Kool-Aid packets and asked her to scan a couple of the other ones twice so I didn’t have to take the packets out of Sophie’s hands and listen to her scream indignantly while I checked out. She obliged and I paid for my order.

Then, as I wheeled my (very heavy with 60 lbs. of kid in it) cart away, I noticed Sophie’s Kool-Aid packets were not looking so hot. I pulled the cart over to discover she had CHEWED through one and was now a very RED little girl. She didn’t get as much on her face as on her hands and ALL over her dress. So I wrestled the packets away and cleaned her up as best I could with a wipe in the steaming hot parking lot. Then I pushed my very heavy cart back into the store. My cute little hairdo was by this time, not cute at all and just making me sweat more.

Sophie gets caught red-handed

Back in Kroger, Sophie was extremely indignant that I was daring to do another transaction. The first thing I picked up was a bunch of bananas, then I got bread. As I made my way down the cereal aisle selecting the right kinds of cereal to go with the coupons I had, Sophie began chewing on the bananas. THROUGH THE BAG. By the time I realized what she was doing, she had bitten off the end of one and there was banana all over the inside of the bag. She threw a nice little fuss when I took the bananas away, then went right for the bread. There was nowhere in the cart I could hide the bread from her, so I just carried the bread. She wasn’t very happy about that either! The lines were really long, and of course as soon as we got in one she started trying to climb out of the cart. Sooo, I wrestled her into the seat part and cinched the belt as tight as I could get it. Fortunately, this belt had enough life left in it and I was able to get it tight enough to keep her seated. Unfortunately, it is considered inhumane to muzzle your child, so I and everyone within a 5-lane radius got to hear her scream while I checked out. After getting my sweet deals, my demon, my angel (Joshua – I haven’t mentioned him because he was so good!) and I once again headed to the parking lot, where, after getting the kids and groceries into the car, I collapsed into a pile of sweaty, puffy-haired frustration.

When we got home, I relayed the events of our trip to Emily over IM. (Thank GOD she went back to work and got back on Instant Messenger!! ABOUT TIME!) Then I realized that in my frazzled state I hadn’t yet poured the Drano down the bathroom sink. “I’m going to go put the Drano in the sink,” I IMed her, “and if it doesn’t work, I think I’ll just drink the rest of the bottle!”

Lucky for you, the Drano worked, and I’m still alive. ‘Cause seriously, if I kicked it and Emily had to maintain this blog all by herself? That would be the real tragedy in all of this!

(P.S. if you made it through all that, do me a favor and check out my latest review at Reviewin’ It Up!)

May 19, 2008

If only I lived in a treehouse down a sunny dirt road.

So I just finished reading Kate her bedtime story, The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Stuff (not to be confused with The Messy Room), and it occurred to me that we are having the very same problem as Mama, Papa, Brother and Sister Bear. We have too much crap.

Wayyyy too much.

We have too much in our closets, too much in our garage, too much in our basement and too much in our storage areas. There is stuff everywhere! (ok no need to call Dr. Phil, I am not a freaky hoarder or anything – this is just a run-of-the-mill too much crap problem.)

And unlike the ever-resourceful Mama Bear, I can’t seem to take care of it in ~~12 pages~~ one afternoon. In fact, I spent all last week trying to clean out the garage, and except for about 45 minutes when Sam napped on Monday, I couldn’t find the time to do it. And if I can’t find the time to do things like that while I’m on maternity leave, when will it ever get done?

I need to figure out a way to make this happen. I need to get rid of a bunch of stuff! But I don’t know how. So once again I turn to ~~both~~ all of you readers for help.

How do you deal with having too much stuff? How do you make time to go through and sort everything? What do you do to get rid of what you don’t want? Goodwill, garage sales, Ebay, or something different? And, once you’ve dealt with the problem, how do you keep from accumulating stuff all over again?

I eagerly await your ideas, because I am striking out!

And yes, Jenny, I know what can be done with all of our girl clothes… you’re not going to need to shop for Sophie for a long, long time. You can pay me in toothpaste and pizza rolls.