It’s a….. lizard!

Kate has a little trouble understanding one fact of anatomy… that her ribs are on the inside of her body… no matter what I tell her, she is convinced that her “ribs” are, well, on the surface.

Last night at a local restaurant, we were talking about whether Kate is going to have a brother or a sister (I can feel Jenny’s blood pressure rising right now), and she pointed all around my belly and said “There’s a brother right there, there, there, and there… there’s a sister, there’s a sister…” etc. So I said “What, am I having a litter or something?”

“Yes!! A lizard!! You’re having a lizard!” she said excitedly, as she went back to prodding my stomach, this time pointing out where all the lizards were located.

Then she pointed a little, uh, higher. “And that’s where the baby is,” she proclaimed to everyone in earshot. “Right there, where your ribs got bigger.”

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32 weeks

I’m finally 32 weeks! I feel as though I’m edging closer to the point where I will see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I’m not quite there. Everything is just fine, despite my penchant for complaining. The baby is super active, which I’m hoping has no correlation to personality on the outside of the womb. But that remains to be seen.

So, approximately 8 weeks to go!

And for the real countdown: 25 days until I buy one of everything in the baby department of our brand new Ikea!

Anyway… here’s what WebMD has to say about the 32nd week of pregnancy.

Your baby measures about 18.9 inches long from head to toe and weighs almost 4 pounds (Dammit! Then where did these other 25 come from??). It fills almost all the space in your uterus now (and the space where your ribs, lungs and stomach should be living in harmony instead of playing “Survivor”), either lying with the head up or sometimes still with enough room to do somersaults (and jumping jacks). A layer of fat is forming underneath the thin, wrinkly skin (I KNOW! Jeez! Oh, wait, does that mean the baby’s skin??). Baby’s practicing opening his eyes and breathing.

Although you’ve only been seeing the doctor monthly, now you’ll probably start seeing your practitioner every two weeks until the last month, when you’ll probably switch to weekly visits (which is when the internal exams commence. I can hardly wait.). You may continue to get backaches and leg cramps. You may also notice colostrum leaking from your breasts, a yellowish fluid that precedes milk production (which is NOTHING compared to what’s to come).

Tip for the Week:
You might be carrying differently from others at the same stage of pregnancy, which may lead friends, family, acquaintences and random strangers to think that you’re about to give birth any second, when really you have eight more weeks. That’s just because they are stupid, not because you’re huge. Really. We swear. (Ok if only I could forget that it was me who put that last part in, I would be in business.) Whether you’re carrying higher or lower, bigger or smaller, wider or more compact depends on the size and position of baby, your body type and how much weight you’ve gained (did anyone notice how that didn’t say “the baby’s sex”? Interesting, seeing as how everyone thinks they can predict my baby’s, uh, parts by looking at my stomach!). For more comfort, drink plenty of fluids, elevate your legs when sitting, lie on your left side and wear support stockings (in case you don’t look cool enough in your too-tight maternity clothes).

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Indecent Exposure

One of my general life policies is that I don’t wear pants that encroach upon my belly button. (My others are that I don’t dance and I don’t trust people who don’t eat. But I digress.) I don’t like how high-waisted pants feel and I certainly don’t like how they look – I’m seriously short-waisted and that just exaggerates the problem.

So the first time I was pregnant, I was pretty excited to see that I could get maternity pants that were “under the belly.” Not knowing any better, that’s pretty much all I bought.

I’m guessing these pants drove me nuts the first time around, but maternity clothes must be like childbirth – you forget how awful they are in order to do it all over again.

But these pants are seriously going to be the death of me. They will NOT stay up! I am forever hitching up my pants. It’s awful. The best part is when I feel a breeze on my stomach and know that my pants have fallen so low that my mid-rif is showing. And believe me, that is not a good look.

Sure, the theory of low-rise maternity pants is good. They don’t have an awful panel, and they really look pretty normal, other than the elastic waistband. But looking cute on the hanger and looking cute on a veeeery pregnant woman are two different things. Yet-to-be-pregnant women be warned.

If you think about it, it’s got to be like a basic law of physics or something – if you put a rubber band around the bottom 1/3 of an egg, it would probably slide right off.

However, I am not about to go buy new pants at this late date, so I will spend the next 10 weeks trying to keep myself from getting arrested for indecent exposure.

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