Scavenger Hunt

I never pictured myself searching my house for a puddle of pee, but that’s exactly what happened tonight.

Sam’s 21 months old now, and he’s very excited about the prospect of going in the potty. Not that he’s actually done it or anything, but it sure looks fun when Elmo does it. We’ve put him on the potty a few times to no avail, but that’s about as far as we’ve gotten.

This afternoon we all went out to play in the snow (I will post pictures of Sam dressed in a blanket sleeper, two pairs of his dad’s socks – his boots won’t fit anymore – and Kate’s old purple jacket and pink hat with pom poms as soon as I get them uploaded. Oh and he also had pink socks on his hands because I couldn’t find his gloves). In any case, when we got back in, he looked at me and said “poopy!” I said “Did you poop?” and he said no, but said yes when I asked him if he needed to. He said “Let’s go!” and off to the potty we ran. Again, nothing happened, but I had the bright idea to leave his diaper off for a while. I put some Baby Legs on him and let him run free.

Throughout the afternoon and into the evening, we tried the potty thing off and on, but he didn’t do anything. He hadn’t had any accidents either, so I thought he would surely have to do something soon. I wanted to give it one last try before putting him to bed, so I sat him on the potty and let him read “Elmo Goes Potty” for a while. As he was enjoying his reading time, I took his Baby Legs off since I was going to put him in his jammies. At that point, I realized the Baby Legs were wet. I had cleaned up (what I thought was) juice he spilled a little bit earlier, and I couldn’t tell if what was on them was juice or pee. (The sniff test was inconclusive, if you can believe that.) So I decided to ask him.

Me: Sammy, what is on your socks?
Sammy: Juice!
Me: Is it juice or pee pee?
Sammy: Pee pee!
Me: Did you pee pee on your socks?
Sammy: No! Juice!
Me: So is this juice or pee pee?
Sammy: Pee pee.
Me: Where is the rest of the pee pee?
Sammy: Socks.
Me: I know this is on your socks, but where is the rest? Where did you pee pee?
Sammy: In Daddy’s room.
Me: You pee peed in Daddy’s room?
Sammy: No. Pee pee in the potty.
Me: No, you didn’t pee pee in the potty. Can you show me where the pee pee is?
Sammy: Daddy’s room!

So we went to Daddy’s room (which incidentally is also my room). I looked at the carpet critically, but didn’t see anything. As I looked around the bathroom floor in our room, it occurred to me that I was searching my house for a pool of pee. Never thought I’d do that, but disturbingly it seemed perfectly normal. I guess I am officially fully entrenched in parenthood.

Eventually I found what I was looking for – on the floor next to Sammy’s chair at the kitchen table. The chair on which he likes to stand. Next to the table on which I had earlier cleaned up “spilled juice.”

Can someone pass the Lysol wipes?

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The Great Donut Debacle of 2009

Friday morning I needed to go to Kroger to get a few things, and I decided on the way there, being the indulgent mother that I am, to go through the Tim Horton’s drive-thru to get Sophie a donut for a special treat. But then I thought, “Hmm, donuts are so messy. I always get her the glazed donut and the glaze flakes everywhere. Maybe this time I should get her the chocolate dip donut, because the icing is thicker and harder, and it won’t flake off like the glaze does.”

THIS my friends, is where that VERY FLAWED logic got me:

sophiedonut

Please note my favorite part of this photo: Sophie’s hair matted with chocolate and stuck to her chin like a BEARD.

The nice people at Tim Horton’s gave me FRESH donuts. As in fresh, dripping with chocolate icing that had not yet had time to harden. And of course, having promised the Soph a donut, it’s not like I could withhold it!

So, the second place this flawed logic and my own dumbness got me, was the parking lot of Kroger with a child covered in chocolate icing and NO WIPES! Because really, I DO have to earn my “Mother of the Year” badge somehow!

I REALLY had to get some groceries for a little shindig I was having, so I could not turn around and go home to clean my child up. Out of desperation, I left Soph in the car, dashed in the entrance of Kroger, and grabbed about 40 kajillion of those clorox wipes they have out for you to clean your cart with.

That’s right! I scrubbed my toddler’s face and hands clean with CLOROX wipes!! Again, I should definitely be up for some fabulous award. She was NONE too pleased with the situation. And as the clorox wipes couldn’t break up the layers of hair matted with chocolate icing, I had to throw her in the bathtub and scrub it out when we got home.

But at least she didn’t look like a mini “Bearded Lady” going through Kroger!

*Sheesh*. The chocolate dip donut was a bad choice. Next time I’m gettin’ the TimBits!

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Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

Sam chicken noodle soup

Sammy. I love that boy. I do. He is sweet and smart and cute and all around amazing.

But he is messy.

He has been messy since birth, and it is getting worse rather than better. And look at his table manners! Nearly every meal, snack or drink requires a complete change of clothes. And most often, a bath.

On Saturday, Kate, Andy and I were sitting on the living room floor playing Old Maid and minding our own business when Mr. Sam walked out of the kitchen chomping on the heel of a loaf of bread. “Where did you get that?” I asked him. “Num num!” he replied happily. Andy went in the kitchen to investigate and quickly deduced that Sam opened the kitchen trash can, pulled out the discarded bread bag, un-twisted the twist-tie and helped himself to a slice.

Hey, a guy’s gotta eat.

I can only imagine what nastiness is to come.

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Do you have a gross kid story? We want to hear it! Leave a comment and tell us the yuckiest thing your kid has ever done. Come on, I can’t be the only one whose kid eats out of the garbage can… can I?

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