This past Monday Emily and I were all a-twitter about having a Mommies’ night out together. My friend Luanne, who is a Mary Kay consultant (or Pink Lady as I like to call her) had invited us to her MK team’s training session for a free spa facial! Em and I were thrilled to be her team’s guinea pigs on this new facial, get pampered, and spend time together sans kiddos. Plus, in honor of Halloween, the Pink Ladies were having a “trash or treat” night for us. So we each had a bag of old makeup (trash) that we were going to trade in for Mary Kay products at a nice discount (treat). As you know Emily and I love a bargain so this was just the icing on the cake!
My darling husband had agreed to keep not only our own children but Emily’s daughter Kate as well, because Em’s husband had a meeting that night. So Em & Kate arrived and we took off. Emily was a little nervous about how Kate would feel staying with Bobby so she said as we left, “Jenny and I are just going out to run an errand and we’ll be right back.” Kate accepted this easily enough and we raced off to our pampering paradise. We arrived at the MK meeting and were eagerly listening to Luanne’s director explain what goodies we were in for when my cell phone rang. “Sorry!” I said sheepishly as I stepped outside to answer. I saw on the caller ID that it was my husband.
Me: Hello?
Bobby: Hi. Um…we have a problem.
Me: (heart pounding) Ok, what is it?
Bobby: Um…Kate has…pooped her pants.
Me (relieved because no one’s dead or hurt, yet totally shocked): Oh my gosh! We’ll be right home!
I walked back into the MK meeting and announced, “Um…everything’s okay, but, we have to go.”
“Oh NO!” cried the Pink Ladies.
“Your kid or my kid?” Emily asked nervously.
“Your kid.” I said.
We booked it out of there and I briefed her on the situation. She was also totally shocked, because, here’s the thing: Kate’s three-and-a-half, and she’s been potty trained since she was like, two weeks old. Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration, but she was potty trained just after she turned two, by her father, in one day. Yes, you read that correctly. She is a total potty pro, and had never pooped her pants before until that night! Emily and I both surmised that the poor girl must’ve just been too uncomfortable to tell Bobby she had to go.
We got in the car and I looked at my cell phone to see what time Bobby had called.
Me: (cracking up) Em, we were in there for FOUR MINUTES! FOUR MINUTES!! You know what this means? We HAVE to put this on Mommin’ It Up!
Emily: Oh geez. When is the last time we did something together without the kids?
Me: Uh…
Emily: It may have been before Sophie was born.
Me (getting depressed): I think it was!
Emily: Oh no wait, we had a meeting about the blog, remember?
Me: Oh yeah, at the library? When was that?
Emily: Kate was at Bible School that night, so it was July.
Me: July? That is SO SAD!
We made it back to my house as fast as Emily’s car would carry us. I looked at my cell phone when we pulled in the driveway. It had been seventeen minutes since Bobby called for backup. Not bad! As we scurried up to the doorway, I said “Well Em, you did tell Kate we’d be right back.”
“I guess that’s what you get for lying to your kids,” she quipped.
We went inside, and Emily took a totally-in-denial Kate up to the bathroom to get cleaned up. Poor Bobby’s relief was visible. I can’t imagine what sort of trauma both he and Kate would have experienced if we had left him to deal with it. When I went up to the bathroom to bring Em some supplies, she said, “Do you think it’s bad if I just throw these pants away? I got them on clearance for like three bucks.”
“I’ve totally done it!” I assured her. (Pooping his pants was Joshua’s specialty for quite awhile, unfortunately!)
After a while, she and Kate (very stylish in Joshua’s underwear and sweatpants) came downstairs. Kate was fully recovered and ready to play with Joshua and Sophie some more. Emily, however, was looking a little weary.
“Oh cousin, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same!” she lamented.
Yikes.
Believe it or not, we are going to try AGAIN for our spa facials next Monday! The MK ladies didn’t get to do their training due to our sudden departure, so here’s hoping the second time around will be more successful and much less stinky for all of us!
