Category: Joshua

Joshua is a boy tied to his routines, and at naptime and bedtime said routine includes singing, in this order, The Wheels on the Bus, Itsy-Bitsy Spider, and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. He is also super-silly and he loves to insert nonsense words into the songs. For instance, last night, he sang, with giggles and gusto, “Twinkle, twinkle, little BLAG!” Blag is one of his favorite made-up words. But tonight, he “made up” (at least I really HOPE he made it up!) a new one. I had to interrupt our bedtime singing when he sang, “The wheels on the bus go round and round. All through the BOOBIE!”

Uh-oh.

Me: Joshua, did you say boobie?
Joshua: Yes.
Me: Honey, do you know what that means?
Joshua: No.
Me: Don’t say that, ok? It’s not a nice word.

“The wheels on the bus go round and round, all thru the…”

Joshua: Mommy, what does boobie mean?
Me: It’s another word for private parts.
Joshua: Ohhhhhhh! Now I understand!

“The wheels on the bus go round and round, all thru the BLEEG!”

I had to hold my laughter in until he was tucked in tight and I was in the hallway. I love his funny words but I hope he keeps picking bleeg over boobie when he’s making them up in the near future. If he starts singing “Itsy-Bitsy Vajayjay”, however, I am going to get very suspicious!

How am I a bad mother? Let me count the ways…every day I have a new reason to feel sorry for my kids because of the coo-coo nuts that is their mother. Here’s today’s reason: Every time I hear Joshua say, “Mama, watch this!” I want to KILL MYSELF. Now before you send me hate mail, I don’t really want to kill myself, and I think suicide is terrible. I’m just being overdramatic.

But seriously, if I hear him say it one more time today I am gonna drive ballpoint pen into my jugular like I saw Sydney Bristow do to so many bad guys on Alias.

Joshua is super-cute, smart, and funny, and he does a lot of cute things that I like to see. WHEN IT’S CONVENIENT. The problem is he only says those three little words when it is impossible or very inconvenient for me to pay attention to his particular feat. He nearly always says it when I’ve just told him that I need to leave the room. For example:

Me: Joshua, I’m going to go downstairs to put the laundry in the dryer. Ok? (I turn on my heel to leave.)

Joshua: Ok. Mama, watch this!

If I don’t come back and acknowledge his deed, (usually something dumb like jumping up and down), he gets very upset. And I’m already upset with him for purposefully stopping me – because he does do it on purpose. Apparently all the time we’ve spent together preceding my need to leave his side was not sufficient for his little ego. So it’s just a bad state of affairs.

Other situations in which he is fond of saying, “Mama, watch this!”, or my other favorite, “Watch this, Mama!” include while I am driving (I know, I’m a jerk. Why don’t I just pull over and watch whatever he wants to show me?), when I am elbow-deep in a Sophie stinky diaper, and when I am trying to clean up. I hear it constantly when I am going back and forth from the dining room to the kitchen, clearing the table. He’s like a broken record. It makes me…CRAZY!!!

Today I heard it so many times (I’m trying to clean for a Mommies’ Night In I am having at my house Friday) I had to hit Tim Horton’s for a café mocha and a cookie stress reliever (I agree with Kate) to keep from giving Joshua Shaken Preschooler Syndrome (No, I don’t abuse my children. No hate emails on that one either please! Get a sense of humor!!)

But seriously I was about to lose it. Day after day after day of hearing it 386 times in an afternoon, and I’m inching dangerously close to checking in at Club Nutjob.

And really, it’s when he doesn’t know I’m watching that he does the things worth remembering.

So anyways. There you have it. I need to start saving now for Joshua’s therapist. Thank God for BlogHerAds.