Mommin' It Up!

January 20, 2009January 20, 2009

Dirty Ducks and Foul-Mouthed Fish

My four-year-old son is really into knock-knock jokes, and consequently, so is my two-year-old daughter. She has no idea what she’s saying or what they mean, but she thinks she’s hysterical. So the other night, while I was out running errands, my husband gave the kids fish sticks for dinner and decided to turn the fish sticks into a knock-knock joke.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fish!
Fish who?
Fish for dinner! Eat your fish sticks!

Hilarious, right? Well, my little Sophie thought it was hilarious, and kept telling it over and over, in her typical loud exuberance. Only when she tells, it, it sounds like this:

Knock, knock.
(who’s there?)
B*TCH!
(fish who?)
ha ha ha ha B*TCH! ha ha ha ha!

Yeah. As hard as we tried to get her to pronounce the “f” and the “sh” sounds, it just keeps coming out “B*TCH!” Sadly, there are few things cuter than a cutie-pie of a two-year-old screaming “B*TCH” and laughing about it. Once again, Bobby and I were in hysterics. We even got it on video. Yes, we are awesome parents! Of course Sophie felt the need to tell her new joke over and over at our house church Sunday night, so Bobby and I had some ‘splaining to do. Soph really raised some eyebrows!

Sophie’s new favorite epithet reminds me of the time Emily and I took Kate and Joshua to the Indy Children’s museum. The whole place is awesome, but as they were 21 and 23 months old at the time, respectively, we spent most of our time in the really amazing toddler area they have there. The kids especially liked the water play area with lots of boats and rubber ducks.

Kate, being the bright, verbal toddler that she was, liked picking the ducks up and saying “QUACK QUACK QUACK!”

Only it didn’t sound like “quack”. It sounded like what quack would sound like if you took out the “a” and put an “f” where the “q” is.

That’s right, Kate was cussing out the ducks! A panicked Emily kept saying, “Kate, can you say QUACK!?” To which Kate would reply, “F***, F***, F***!”

IT. WAS. AWESOME.

Because, as sad as this is, there are few things cuter than a cutie-pie-of-a-21-month old cussing out some rubber duckies.

And it also makes one very popular with the other parents in the water play area!

January 12, 2009January 11, 2009

An anatomy lesson, brought to you by Emily and Jenny

As I have mentioned numerous times on this blog recently, I had a baby shower at my house for my friend Megan Saturday. On Friday, Joshua was watching me as I did some cleaning in preparation for the party. Though I had told him before, he asked me why we were having a party.

“Because Miss Megan’s going to have a baby and we’re going to give her presents she can use for the baby.” I replied.

He thought about that for a second, then out popped THE question: “Mommy, how does the baby get out of the mommy’s tummy?”

I froze, and wished I could hide behind the broom I was holding. “Uh…well… you know how your pee-pee is different than a girl’s pee pee?”

He nods.

“Well, mommies have a special place for a baby to come out where they go pee-pee.”

My answer TOTALLY blew Joshua’s mind. His eyes got HUGE and he jumped a little, like he was startled, and he drew his breath in and made a little – huh! – gasp.

“That’s just the way God made mommies’ bodies, so they can have babies. Isn’t that cool?”

Joshua nodded, still wide-eyed and mute. At this point I was afraid I had scarred the kid for life, so I did whatever I do when I have a serious problem: I ran to my laptop and IMed Emily. The following is our IMversation:

Jenny says: OMG Joshua just asked me how babies get out of the mommy’s tummy

Emily says: tell him the doctor gets them out.
Emily says: and then when he questions you further, tell him they come out where mommy goes potty
Emily says: and then watch the look of revulsion on his face
Emily says: bdtd

Jenny says: i DID tell him it comes out where mommy’s go potty!! and he was SHOCKED!

Emily says: wow, great minds think alike!

Jenny says: his eyes got HUGE

Emily says: Now just wait until he tells Bobby that, and watch the look of shock on HIS face.

Jenny says: hee hee can’t wait!!

I was glad to know that my answer wasn’t too far off what Emily would have said! I tried to get Joshua to tell Bobby about it later that night, but he was NOT saying a word. He did NOT want to talk about it. Then I thought a minute and told him his head was too big too fit out where mommy went pee-pee and the doctor had taken him out of a hole in my tummy. He liked THAT explanation much better. You could totally see the relief on his face. Hilarious!!

So readers, how did you (or will you) answer this question? Because if it hasn’t come up yet… trust us, it will!

January 9, 2009January 8, 2009

Putting Away the Loot

Christmas is past (by fifteen days), a new year has begun, and I’m…stuck in a living room with twice as much crap in it as it had before. You see, my problem with the post-Christmas clean-up isn’t putting away the tree, the ornaments, or the stockings. That’s a snap.

(Because my husband does it.)

My problem is: Where do I put all this new STUFF? Specifically, all my kids’ new stuff. Like, the FIVE new board games Joshua received:

Or Sophie’s new posse (it’s a real tough bunch. You do NOT want to mess with Soph and her crew):

And then, there are the toys that are actually more like pieces of furniture. Exhibit A, Joshua’s (Christmas dream come true) Fisher Price GeoTrax set:

Exhibit B: Sophie’s Leap Frog learning table (which she adores!):

I’m throwing a baby shower for a friend of mine Saturday (if she doesn’t have the baby today. ‘Cause she was having contractions all day Thursday. Squeeze those legs together Megan!), so I am sitting here pondering where to put all of this new stuff that Santa brought, cause really, everysinglecarfromcarsmovie and all of Sophie’s posse are not invited to the shower. Aside from just throwing it all in the kids’ rooms until the shower’s over, I don’t have a clue!

My post-Christmas clean-up? It’s still not done! But it will be by Saturday! How about yours? What’s your biggest Christmas clean-up hang-up?

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By the way, this post is part of a Blog Blast sponsored at Parent Bloggers Network and Right@Home. I like to visit Right@Home to print coupons for some of my favorite SC Johnson products (like Glade candles. ALSO Emily’s favorite.) but the site also has great cleaning and organization tips and yummy recipes too! I’m headed over there now to see if they can solve all my problems for me, and you should too!