Mommin' It Up!

November 14, 2011November 14, 2011

It’s a slippery slope. And I’ve got oil on my shoes.

Today I went shopping for supplies for Sophie’s birthday party. She wants a Hello Kitty party, and thanks to all the other “fun moms” (I’m looking at YOU, Koproski, Berry, Loyd, and Perlow – and don’t even get me started on YOU, Princess Party Emmons) whose children’s parties Sophie has attended, the child now expects a pinata and goody bags at said party. So, my years of being a super-cheap mom are OVER.

But I was okay with that, to a point, because you see, I had a Living Social voucher to a local party store, which I’d bought with credits I’d built up. It was valued at $30 so I thought, certainly I could get out of the party store only spending a few bucks. So, even though every fiber of my being was screaming “NOOOOOOOOOO”, I purchased a Hello Kitty pinata for $20. That’s right, I spent twenty bucks on PAPER that is going to get ripped to SHREDS before the party is over. I also bought two packs of Hello Kitty plates, a pack of regular pink plates (for the grown-ups), a Hello Kitty banner, two packages of pink forks, and some wrapping paper.

My total before the voucher came to $57. FIFTY-SEVEN DOLLARS. So I spent $27 out-of-pocket when I went in there expect to spend less than ten! What the crap? Clearly I should have gotten into the “Party Store” business. I didn’t even get party HATS, or a game!! Sheesh.

I bought goody bags and favors at the Dollar Tree. Much more my speed. But since there are eleventy-billion kids coming to the mega party of the year, I still had to get a ton. Guess, what, if you are a boy, and you are coming to Sophie’s party, you are getting candy in your goody bag and that’s it! Sorry, dudes. The girls are getting a couple extra trinkets. Because there’s only 9 girls and there’s like, 678 boys attending.

But anyhoo. THE POINT IS:

I got my daughter a $20 pinata. Because she really, really wanted it. I would have rather spent another $20 on a gift for her but I caved. I caved hard.

I might not be a “fun mom” yet…but I’m definitely more fun than I’ve ever been..by Joshua’s birthday in February I’ll probably have rented each of his party guests their own pony for a day.

HELP!!! I’m slip-sliding away…

September 20, 2011September 18, 2011

This Just In: I’m Still 12

As I posted Friday, I had to take Joshua to the pediatrician because of a mysterious stomach ailment. The pediatrician asked about a million questions and then said he needed more information, so he asked me to keep a poop and food diary on Joshua for two weeks.

That’s right, for the next two weeks, I have to look at Joshua’s poop and write down my observations about it’s size, color, consistency, etc.

I love being a mom. Really, this is the stuff I’ve always dreamed about.

But back to the asking a million questions part. The doctor asked Joshua many, many questions that ended in the word, “poop”.

Does it hurt when you poop?

When you’re eating, do you feel like you have to poop?

Is there any blood on the toilet paper when you poop?

PoopPoopPoopPoopPoopPoopPoop?

Seriously, after the first question, it was all I could do to not burst out in an ugly, raspberry-esque hysterical laughter. I had to bite the inside of my mouth and stare down at the top of my son’s head to keep from losing control.

Because there’s something about a learn-ed M.D. saying the word “poop” over and over that brings me to the basest level of immaturity possible.

I couldn’t breathe for a full 30 seconds after he’d said his last “poop” for fear of losing it. And, since I’ve made a fool of myself in front of this doctor over bowel movements before, I really did not want to lose control.

But I was thisclose.

So, I think my much more solemn and mature husband should attend the follow-up appointment, don’t you? Because since it is going to involve careful examination of aforementioned poop diary, I don’t think I can be trusted to hold it together.

What makes you giggle like a pre-adolescent boy?

(P.S. – POOP!!!! Made ya laugh!)

August 31, 2011August 31, 2011

How Rude of Me

Well gosh, golly, gee. My birthday is just around the corner and I haven’t even told you what I want yet! SO RUDE! I am so sorry. Please forgive. Hopefully you still have time to shop online or run out to your my favorite store. After all, the big day isn’t until Monday. That’s right, my birthday is on Labor Day this year. And since I’m giving you a day off, the *least* you could do is pick me up one of the following items, right!? Once again this year, I don’t want you to have to guess what I want, so I’mmajustgonna tell you. K? Here goes!

1) Lands’ End Long Sleeve Cotton Modal Crew Neck tee.

Emily claims these are the best tees EVER, and she has, like, TEN of them, but she won’t give me one, so YOU can give me one. Surprise me with the color! Thanks in advance!

2) Lands’ End Chalet Midshaft Boots. I NEEEEEEEEEED these, ok? Please, make my dreams come true! Functional and gorgeous, I know it’s gonna snow a crapload again this winter and I neeeeeeeeeed these. Size 7.5, Light Bark. 🙂

3) Lands’ End Cotton Cashmere Drape Cardigan sweater. I promise Lands’ End is not sponsoring this post, I just looove clothes and LE is pretty much all I wear. And I have a drape cardigan *obsession*. And look at this one!! I want more than one. Umm…Pewter Heather and Bright Teal Heather would work. Size small. Make it happen!

4) Dunkin’ Donuts –

We used to have a store near my house, but it was turned into a Cashland (how JANKY is that???) several years ago. Now Dunkin’ Donuts are my absolute FAVE, and I MISS them. There is a store near my OB-GYN so I treat myself to a Dunkin’ whenever I have an appointment, which is now just yearly since I got the ol’ tubes tied, so I really, really, really need someone to purchase and run a Dunkin’ Donuts franchise for me, and put it REAL near my house. PLEASE. You only turn 34 once.

5) A new living room furniture set.

Yo, my 11-year-old couch and love seat are worn out and SAD. I got holes in my upholstery! We took the matching chair to the dumpster last week! So, it would make my birthday REALLY SPECIAL if you would buy me the EKTORP leather sofa, love seat, and chair from IKEA. Again, you only turn 34 once!!! And I needs somewheres to SIT!

So, today is Wednesday, and my birthday is Monday, September 5th. You got five days, my peeps! And I’ve given you five fabulous ideas. (You’re welcome!) Let’s all work together to make the big 3-4 the best EVAH!

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Oh by the way, no one sponsored this post and I’m totally kidding! Um, and I also want one of EVERYTHING from Lands’ End Canvas! SO there’s another option….