Last week on vacation Bobby and I had an EPIC double-parental fail: we left Joshua’s BAG at home. We realized as soon as we arrived at my parent’s house and unloaded the van – there was no bag for poor Joshua! The kid had only his Nintendo DS and the clothes on his back. Although I had packed his bag, I had failed to set it by the door with the other bags, and Bobby had then failed to make sure we had one bag per family member. Thus, the double-parental fail.
Our penalty for this giant fail? A trip to the Lexington, Virginia, Walm@rt. That’s what everyone wants to do after a 7-hour road trip with three kids!
I am spelling “Walm@rt” like this so they don’t SUE me. Because I HATE Walm@rt. I regularly admonish and scold my friends who go there for any reason. Blecch. Yes, I AM too good for Walm@rt. I am so high-falutin’ that I go to TARGET! That’s right! Me so fancy.
The problem is, where my parents live, Walm@rt is the only option for all the stuff an 8-year-old needs to take on vacation. They have Kroger and Food Lion for groceries, CVS for medicines and toiletries, but nowhere to buy clothes and underwear except Walm@rt.
So. Bobby and Jenny went to Walm@rt.
And here, my friends, is what we found.
I know we were supposed to be looking for new clothes for Joshua, but I couldn’t resist these pants:
Then, I saw this nice family shopping for guns together. Because the family that hunts together…kills things. Together. (Just ask my hairy brother and his sons!)
Next, we saw a Walm@rt employee hard at work cleaning up a spill…
by squirting cleaner on the floor and pushing a rag around with his foot. (You can just SEE me rolling my eyes, can’t you?”
Also, that lady whose head is visible as she walks by him? Was about 50 years old and had on a paper-think tank top and NO BRA. I couldn’t photobomb her because I would never traumatize anyone by perpetuating that image. And it was BAAAAAADDD.
After finding Joshua three outfits and some underwear, goggles for swimming and a few food items we needed, we headed to the checkout. We tried to get the cheapest stuff possible, but we still ended up spending EIGHTY BUCKS!
Low prices my @$$!! ROLL THIS BACK, Walm@rt!!
Ergh. At least we were able to finally make it out to the parking lot. Something interesting about the parking lot of this particular Walm@rt is that you walk out the door and smack into an amazing view of the Blue Ridge Mountains. I mean, it’s just gorgeous. So, if you walk backwards into Walm@rt, you can hold off the pain a little bit longer. However, when we exited the Walm@rt, our breathtaking view was assaulted by this:
You can only imagine what kind of music was blaring from that monstrosity. As usual, the Walm@rt parking lot is a showplace for class and decorum!
Bobby and I let out sighs of relief and superiority when we were finally able to climb back into our minivan and head back up the Walm@rt-less mountain to my parents’ house again. After discovering that the basketball shorts we bought Joshua were listed as “dazzle shorts” (really? DAZZLE SHORTS, Walm@rt??? I just bought my 8-year-old son DAZZLE SHORTS?) on the receipt, I’m pretty glad we won’t have to go back until we make another epic parental fail next year (it’s bound to happen!)