Mommin' It Up!

January 5, 2015January 4, 2015

Happy New Year! Let’s Torture Ourselves

In an effort to make my life one big cliche (and keep Emily rolling her eyes at me pretty much constantly), today, yes the first Monday of the new year, I am starting a cleanse. No dairy, no sugar, no lots of other things but since I can’t eat wheat anyway, dairy and sugar are the MOST painful things – basically everything I love and hold dear I cannot have for 10 days. WAAAAAHHHH! Crazy, right? I mean, I have zero self-control. So. This should be fun.

EXCEPT, I’ve done it before. Are you shocked? I have. And I lived to tell about it. It was sometime last year, I can’t even exactly remember when, but I did the cleanse, I DIDN’T EVEN CHEAT, and I survived. The thing I missed the most was my sugary, liquid-poison coffee creamer. Oh man. I might cry just thinking about it! I wish I would have had an extra helping yesterday!!

I should probably be even more cliche and say the reason I am doing this cleanse is because I want to “get healthy” but that would be a bold-faced LIE. Or a bald-faced lie even. Probably both. The truth is, I am doing this cleanse because NONE OF MY PANTS FIT. It has taken me over two years, but I have finally gained back every last pound of the 12 ell bees I lost when I quit eating wheat. That’s right, I’m here to prove that you can eat gluten-free and still be fat! Thanks, Mountain Dew! Just kidding, I know I’m not fat. BUT I AM SQUEEEEEZING myself into my pants in a MOST UNCOMFORTABLE manner which in case you didn’t comprehend from my use of ALL CAPS is extremely uncool.

That’s right, people. Vanity rules.

So.

Cleanse.

No sugar. No dairy. No amazing creamer or sugary lattes. No Mountain Dew or Chewy Sweet Tarts. No cheese sticks, Sonic slushies, or delicious chocolatey gluten-free cereal.

Oh man. I feel sorry for my kids.

If you need me I’ll be huddled in the corner pretending a carrot stick is a pixie stick.

Wish me luck!

July 23, 2014July 22, 2014

Because I Love a Good Selfie

So last night I posted this on my Instagram and Facebook:

And it got quite a big response (especially on Facebook) of people lovin’ on my no-makeup face.

I used a filter, people. And I just happen to not have any zits right now. And I cut off most of my forehead where my acne scars lie.

I really wasn’t fishing for compliments, but I appreciate them. I just…love concealer. And mascara. I know that I don’t need makeup to be beautiful. I know that facial beauty (as they say in pageants!) isn’t what matters or defines worth. I put on my makeup every day mostly because I just…like…makeup. I feel more like me when I have it on, and yet, it has very little to do with my self-esteem. I know who I am, and I’m the same person with or without mascara.

But I guess it’s nice to know I don’t frighten people when I go out without it.

What do you think? Do you like wearing makeup or is it just something you feel like you “should” do? Or do you not care?

November 20, 2013November 20, 2013

Proof that Jenny is more influential than Miley.

As you may have heard, the Oxford Dictionary added “selfie” to their list of ~~real, actual~~ words this week. Evidently that was the best that 2013 had to offer.

(Dear History Book Writers of the Future,
We’re sorry.
Sincerely,
Everyone Alive in 2013)

According to Time magazine, here’s the justification:

“We don’t enter that many words from pop culture,” says executive editor Steve Kleinedler. “When we do they are ones that tend to be very widespread, very ubiquitous, used without further explanation.” And selfie, he says, is an example of a word that has become organically popular in a short period of time. “It’s a good word that shows the pulse of the nation,” he says.

The pulse of the nation. It is no freaking wonder the whole country is going to pot.

“Selfie” narrowly beat out “twerking,” a word made well-known by the unfortunate performance that we can’t un-see by Miley Cyrus at this year’s MTV Video Music Awards, for word of the year.

Miley might be famous for twerking, but we all know who is famous for selfies.

There are more where that came from. So many, many, many more.

Jenny’s facebook wall pretty much exploded when news of the new official word broke. Who would have thought Jenny was so influential?!? We will definitely have to add this accomplishment to our media kit – I mean, not many bloggers can say that their face single-handedly got a word into the dictionary. This goes to show that Jenny is not only more influential than Miley, but she’s also more influential than me, because not long ago I proposed that “selfie” be among several other incredibly annoying words that should be abolished.

Jenny won this round.

Jenny loves taking pictures of herself not because she’s vain, but because she thinks she looks so damn good all the time. She just can’t resist. She loves her face that. much.

Wait, maybe it is because she’s vain.

Anyway, at her house, the apples aren’t falling far from the tree. Just today she caught Jonah in the act of admiring his reflection. The next thing you know, he’ll be starting his own blog carnival.

#doyourhair 11/20/13 #nofilter #beauty #hair #hairblogger #todayshair #toddlerstyle #vanity #toocute today's look is a combination of Johnson & Johnson Baby Shampoo, applesauce, and bedhead. Styling tool by @fisherprice. What does YOUR hair look like today? — #doyourhair 11/20/13 #nofilter #beauty #hair #hairblogger #todayshair #toddlerstyle #vanity #toocute today’s look is a combination of Johnson & Johnson Baby Shampoo, applesauce, and bedhead. Styling tool by @fisherprice. What does YOUR hair look like today?

At least it’s not a selfie of him twerking.