Category: Jenny is neurotic

I feel like I am at a place in my life where I’m either on or off.  When I am “on”, I can do it all – parent, keep the house clean, do the shopping, run the kids to their appointments, help out friends in need, blog, and even make dinner five out of seven nights (hey, Thursday’s Joshua has swim lessons and we always get fast food.  The other night of the week I’m just inept.)

And then, there’s my “off” times.  When I work as hard as I can during the 6- 8 hours or so a week that I have two kids at school and one kid napping so I can keep the house organized, and I can never get it all finished. ( Not that I can’t do housework when they’re all home, but…let’s just say when they are all home and awake I get adult ADD from the constant “MomMomMomMomMomMomMom” and the “waaaaaaaaaah” and my productivity plummets.)  These are the times when getting Sophie and Jonah ready and out the door for morning preK drop off either has me on the verge of tears or screaming by 8:30 a.m.  When I can’t do anything but the bare-bones, basic stuff my family needs to survive.  When I don’t even have two seconds to text, email, or call a friend in need.  Those times, I’ve got nuttin’.

There really seems to be no in-between. I can say, that always, I am doing my best. It’s just that sometimes my best is super-great and sometimes it totally sucks.  This week, and last week, too, I am totally sucking.  I kind of have a bad feeling that it is going to be this way through the fa-la-la-lidays.  As a matter of fact, I am already looking forward to the week after Christmas because Bobby has that week off  and the kids will of course be off school and Jonah’s 1st birthday and Christmas will be over and I think, oh, Bobby will be here, maybe I can breathe that week. Maybe I will get caught up on the housework.  Maybe I will even get an hour or two to myself.  Maybe I can flip the switch back to “on”.

Or maybe, the switch will be flipped before that.  I sure hope so.  At this point, I’m longing for a switch to mediocre.

So the other day after I was trying to close the door of Bobby’s car with my foot (because you know, my arms were completely full of all the Stuff Moms Have to Carry in From the Car All the Time – you know, that STUFF?) and somehow banged my knee really hard on the corner of the door, and screamed and cursed because it hurt SO BAD (and yes it did bruise within 5 minutes), I came into the house ranting and raving about how sometimes I just freaking HATE being me.

{sidebar, was that not the LONGEST run-on sentence/paragraph EVAH? I know you loved it, Berry.}

Like last week’s attempt to make coffee that failed thrice, many things I do or don’t do, or can’t do, make me crraaazy.  Like two days later I banged my other knee on something else and got a matching bruise, but now I can’t even remember what that something else was, which also makes me craaaazy. I JUST.WANT.TO REMEMBER THINGS.  And also not bruise myself all the time.

For the past couple days, I haven’t been able to get this Pink song out of my head…

I’m a hazard to myself

Don’t let me get me

I’m my own worst enemy

It’s bad when you annoy yourself

So irritating

Don’t wanna be my friend no more

I wanna be somebody else

More often than not, I find myself in a state of annoyance…with myself.

Good times.  Anyone else?

So, remember the FUN ROOM? Well, it is at the back of our house, adjacent to the screen door than leads out to our deck. And earlier this week I noticed that a very industrious spider had built a beautiful, giant web in between the screen and the glass. It was pretty impressive, but I didn’t see said hard-working spider until later.

And when I did see it, I screamed bloody murder and jumped back four feet, even though I was inside the house and it was out. Because THIS is my newest tenant:

(Sorry, due to the fact that it’s sitting on it’s web on clear glass, I cannot seem to get my camera to focus on it. And if I get too close, it moves and when it moves I WET MY PANTS IN FEAR BECAUSE OH EM GEE IT’S FRICKING HUGE AND TERRIFYING!)

It’s big fat body that you see there, is about the size of my thumb. Ugh. I just shivered in fear while I was typing that.

So what is this thing?  A heartless human-killer, or just the kind that kills other icky bugs that I should welcome to my window, or is it the kind you put a leash on and take for a walk around the block?

I wish it was the kind that LIVED SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Cause it is freaking this little wimpy girl OUT fer realz.  Who wants to come over and capture it for me??