Category: Jenny is neurotic

Greetings from 4:31 a.m.  At which time, I’d undoubtedly rather be asleep, but sadly my pregnant body is tired of being in the lying-down position, so I’m up.  Which is kind of ok since I went to bed before 9 last night.  My stomach was SO tight last night I could barely move.  This, my friends, is getting old.

However, there is one advantage to being up at this ungodly hour.  And that is that no one else in my house is up. (ZOMGOSH I just heard Sophie make noise as I wrote this.  She BETTER be talking in her sleep.) And since I’ve been off my feet for a few hours at this point, I can get last night’s domestic failures under control.  You know, clear the dinner dishes, run the dishwasher, look in Joshua’s school folder to make sure nothing urgent needs to be returned tomorrow.

So, I did that.

And then I clicked through a few blogs.  I have been completely out of touch and so busy the past couple of weeks.  The only blogs I have even kind of kept up with are Cortney’s and Uncle Paul’s and that’s really, honestly, just kind-of.  Not to mention my real-world friends, whom I have hardly seen or even had the energy to have a phone conversation with.  I feel like such a loser, that in this season of giving, I don’t have much to give anyone who doesn’t live in my house or in my belly.

The truth is, my kids are demanding.  Sophie would rather play with me than watch a tv show these days, which makes me really, really happy. And tired.  Because she would also rather not play by herself! If I put on Word World or the Cat in the Hat Knows A lot about That, her two favorites, I can usually get in 15 minutes of dishes or laundry or blogging before she comes looking for me with a book in her hand.  And that is good.  It is much easier when Joshua gets home from school and they will entertain each other for awhile.  But by that time, I’m pretty beat.

So, I guess I am preparing to hibernate for the winter!  With a newborn just before the New Year, I doubt I’ll be getting out much.

But hopefully I’ll feel good enough to do dishes at a decent hours.  And maybe talk on the phone once in awhile!

In approximately 30 days I am going to have a baby.

30 days.

In 30 days I will go from two kids to three. I will have an almost-7-year old, a 4-year-old, and a newborn.

I know it, but I can’t really comprehend it.  On the outside we’re ready; crib, diapers, clothes, car seat – all ready.

But on the inside?  I don’t know.  I’m fairly terrified.  I’m so excited to meet my baby, and so TIRED of being uncomfortably pregnant, but I’m scared.  There’s so much I don’t remember about having a baby.  I have two children who already need, need, NEED me.  How can there be anything left?  Who will meet their needs when I am constantly breastfeeding for the next zillion months?  Will they resent the baby?  Will they resent me for spending so much of my energy on him?  Will they understand that I love them as much as ever?

It wasn’t that hard for Joshua to accept Sophie into our family.  But for Sophie, I think it’s going to be much more difficult to accept Jonah.  She’s been the baby for four years.  And I’m still not convinced she “gets” it – I don’t think she will get it until we bring him home.

Transition scares the pants off me.

But, it’s coming.  Like a freight train with failed brakes!  Jonah has already made his way into our hearts and soon he will be in our HOME.

I just hope I live to blog about it!

In fifteen days I get to find out this baby’s gender.  It’s a good thing I have some distractions between now and then (party! vacation!) because the suspense is about to keeeeeel me.  For seriouslies. I know some people don’t think it’s important to know the baby’s gender before he or she is born, but as previously discussed, those people are sadistic nutjobs, ranking only *slightly* above those who do not choose a name until the child is born.  (Hmm, and I know someone who is BOTH kinds of CRAZY!  Can you guess who??)

Here’s what “evidence” I have to go on for my gender guesses:

Girl – because I was sick for a long time like I was with Sophie (I am 18 weeks, and this is the first week I have not had to take the Zofran every day!)

Boy – because I am craving cola, which I did with Joshua.  Bye Bye, Mountain Dew, hello Pepsi, Coke, and Dr. Pepper.  Yellow is out, brown is in. Um, wait, did I totally revert to a potty training post there?

*Ahem*

Fifteen days.  Fifteen days.  In fifteen days I will know what kind of  baby clothes I need to buy (gave both sets of 0-6 away loooong ago!), whether I’m in for more draaa-maa or more train track (ok, that’s not fair, Sophie loved trains.  But dangit we gave all those away TOO!!), whether as I so delicately put on my facebook status a few days ago, this baby has a “pee-pee” or a “hoo-hoo” ( I know, I ooooze class!)

And I. CAN’T. WAIT!

So here’s the belly in question – what do YOU think?