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Just call me killer.

It was a Wednesday, much like today.  Two weeks ago today, in fact.  It was Joshua’s first full day of summer break, and we were headed to the crazy pool to celebrate.  We had my niece Murrin, who is 13, with us, so that she could help me with the kids, because as I have mentioned, the pool is CRAZY.

But anyhoo, it was REALLY hot.  And my new van wasn’t shifting right.  It’s an automatic transmission, and it was having a lot of trouble shifting. This wasn’t too surprising, because it had been giving me a wee bit of trouble previously, but my hubby the mechanic did a transmission flush and ran some conditioner through it or some crap like that, and it had been a bit better. (Though not totally.)

We went to the pool, Murrin was a huge help, we went home, and then we took Murrin home.  She lives about 20 minutes away, and the van actually ran a bit better on the way to her house.

But on the way home? It hardly ran at all.  I barely made it.  I had to put my flashers on a couple times.  Every time I hit a stoplight, I was afraid it wouldn’t go again when the light turned green.  The last block to my house, the transmission was making both a really loud revving “I won’t shift” noise and a terrible high-pitched squeal. AND it smelled AWFUL.

Did I mention this was the FIRST DAY of summer break?  And I had been dying to get a van before summer break?  And was so excited that I got it 8 weeks before? Plenty of time!

Oh, the irony. (Makes me want to slit my wrists.)

Luckily, we still had my old car, so I was able to get the kids to meet my mother-in-law for dinner before Sophie’s gymnastics class.  Bobby met us also, and was going to drive his mom and the boys over to watch Sophie – she and I planned to leave a few minutes early while they finished up dinner.

So, Sophie and I headed out to get in my old car.  Which I had just driven there.

Which WOULD NOT EVEN TURN OVER when I put the key in.

Clearly, I am the problem.  I killed two cars in one day! One that we’d only had for 8 weeks and one that I’d happily driven for 8 years.

It’s a good thing I’m married to a mechanic!  Maybe not so good for him, though!

The problem with my old car was merely the battery, sadly my van needs a new transmission – which is on order.  I’ve been hauling the kids around in Bobby’s station wagon for our two weeks of summer, and I haven’t killed it yet!  We’ll see what I can accomplish before I get my van back next week.  Watch out, Camry Station Wagon!  I’m a KILLA!

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Calgon, take me away! Before the Looney Bin does.

Yesterday about 4:30 in the p-m, my house became a living, breathing, not-made-for-tv Calgon commercial.  I was *trying* to make dinner for my family and also my friend E’s family (you know, E, of GimmE Five fame, YES.YOU.CAN still give $5 to help her beat cancer! Plug Plug.) and all h-e-double-hockeysticks flippin’ broke loose.

I’m in the kitchen with two steaming pots on the stove, and Jonah is in his swing in the living room, snoozing peacefully, while the big kids are playing legos.

Until the big kids start screaming at each other over who can touch which legos when, and the baby wakes up and then also starts screaming, because REALLY, apparently that is the thing to do at this moment if you are the spawn of Jenny and Bobby Rapson.

So then I of course, scream at the big kids to JUST.BE.NICE!  All I’m asking you to do here is play, people. PLAY. Is that so bad???

Then I pick Jonah up and get him calmed down.

Finally, I return to my steaming pots and fortunately neither of them have boiled over or caught fire.  Yay!  And the dinner turned out pretty good I thought! (It was a recipe I am reviewing for ReadySetEat.  Cheesy Chili Mac – yum!)

I got dinner together and the kids and I ran it over to E’s.  Which is really no problem at all, as she lives really close.  *BUT* Sophie was heartbroken when told that we were only dropping dinner off and weren’t going in to play with Olivia, E’s daughter.  (Olivia, could you be less fun and charming, please?  Geez!  Your allure is really inconveniencing me here.)  As soon as I pulled away from their house, she yelled “Wait! Go back!  You have to go back!” and proceeded to SOB all the way home. Dra-MA!  I assured her we’d have Olivia over soon but since it wasn’t right-this-second, it was not good enough.  I dragged her into the house and mopped the tears and snot from her face.

Then I pleaded aloud for the Calgon people to come take me away and plunge me into a warm, idyllic bubble bath.

No one showed up.

But, no one showed up with a straitjacket, either.

So there’s that.

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Insomnamania – 9 months pregnant edition

Well, good morning from 2:59 in the a-m.  I can’t sleep.  Been up for about an hour and my mind is going crazy with all the “what-if’s” that can be what-iffed when one is 38 weeks pregnant a few days before Christmas.

Sooo, I’m basically a very rotund lunatic at this point.

What is keeping me up tonight? Well, what GOT me up was the fact that my body will not be comfortable laying down after a few hours.  Sore hips this time.  And  then my brain started contributing to the chaos and now I’m just all worked up!  Which is probably not helping my blood pressure.  Which is part of the reason I’m worried.  It’s a vicious cycle!  Let me slow down here and attempt to make some sense.  I think this calls for a list!

So, with out further adieu, here is what one freaks out about at 3 a.m. when one is 9 months pregnant.  Especially during the fa la la la lalidays.

1) The aforementioned blood pressure.  It has been a little high.  I have a dr.’s appointment in the morning at 9:45 and I am fairly convinced now, at 3:04 a.m., that they are going to send me straight to the hospital to have the baby.

2) If #1 happens, who will pick up Sophie from preschool at noon??? What if I can’t get hold of anyone on my approved pick-up list?  OMG I am going to go put her teacher’s phone number in my phone RIGHT NOW.

3) I haven’t packed a THING for myself or baby for the hospital.

4) Emily got me a really nice pair of nursing PJ’s and I’ve been wearing them already, and they’re wonderful, but they need to be washed.  There are three pieces.  These three pieces are scattered somewhere between my bedroom and bathroom.  I cannot now tell you exactly where they all are.  IF #1 happens, how am I going to get my PJs clean and to the hospital?

5) I have to eat breakfast tomorrow.  Or I might pass out before I get to the dr.’s office.  But usually you aren’t supposed to eat or drink  like 8 hours before surgery so what if #1 happens and I eat, and then something totally gross or awful happens because I did?

6) What if I have to go straight to the hospital and Emily can’t get there?  Oh, the blogging opportunity that will be missed!

7) I need to go to the grocery.  Not enough food in the house for mommy to be away for a couple days.

8 ) My dining room table is a mess and the floor really needs to be swept.

9) The kids are totally not prepared for Bobby and I to be gone for a couple of days, yet.  They are both still in school this week.

10) Not having packed anything for the hospital may result in some very ugly photos being taken of me (hey I am still slightly vain at this point!)

11) Emily and I are supposed to host a Twitter party for our favorite Lands’ End on Wednesday and the world might end if she has to do it alone.

12) And most importantly, who will obsess over the timing and nature of my big kids’ bowel movements while I’m gone??  Nobody can do it like I can…just sayin’…

As you can see, I pretty much need to be institutionalized at the moment.  But I haven’t packed a THING for the looney bin either, so that could result in a whole other list of problems.

I guess I’ll let you know how it all turns out…it has to turn out better than I think it will at 3:21 a.m., right!?

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