I don’t sleep very well. I don’t have insomnia, and I usually don’t have too terrible of a time falling asleep, but I have a hard time staying a asleep and I dream, dream, dream all night.
So, I don’t sleep very well, due to some as-yet-undiagnosed problems. But you know what? As contradictory as this may sound, not much keeps me up at night.
I didn’t used to be this way. Falling asleep used to be very difficult for me. My mind would race, refusing to shut down. I worried long and hard while I longed to sleep. It was very frustrating but I couldn’t stop my anxieties from whispering in my ear while I tried to wind down. I worried about money and work, mostly. You see, I never did love being a working girl. (Not that kind of working girl! I know you were thinking it, Jill!!) The seven or so years I had a career, I didn’t enjoy all that much. Even though I loved the last job I had before I started staying home, I didn’t love the responsibility that went with it. Having a family, I felt, was truly all the responsibility I could handle. But I am a person who wants to give her all and excel at all that is entrusted to her. It was excruciatingly difficult for me to work, even part-time, and have a family, because I wanted to do both perfectly.
But I am getting off-topic. About two years ago, I met my best friend Luanne. We met at church and she soon invited me to a Bible study she hosted in her home. One of those very first nights at her home, I heard her say the words, “I don’t really worry about anything. Not much keeps me up at night.”
My jaw about hit the floor. I asked her to clarify. Worrying was second nature for me. I had to try NOT to worry, and I almost always failed.
She simply replied that since she had given her life to God, she was his, and so were her problems. “He’s my provider,” she said, “and he has never let me down. Lots of people in my life have let me down. Not God. Not ever.”
I had, at this point, been a Christian most of my life, about 20 years, and I had never truly realized that God is my provider. Maybe it is because my life had been pretty “easy”. Isn’t that crazy? I think I felt that I needed to make all the right decisions in life and that by doing so I could control my fortunes. But all that “being in control” brought me were struggles and sleepless nights.
After that night, I began working on simply trusting God to provide for my family’s needs. It is harder than it sounds, for a professional worrier like me. A few months later, for a lot of reasons, Bobby and I decided I would quit my job. When you looked at the math, it didn’t seem possible. However, we both really felt it was what God wanted. So we took the leap of faith and I quit! And guess what? We have wanted for nothing. Because even though it didn’t look like it was possible, with God, EVERYTHING IS TOTALLY POSSIBLE!! We aren’t exactly rollin’ in the dough, but we have everything we need, and all our bills have been paid. God is so good! He has been so gracious also to bring couponing into my life. I know that sounds nerdy, but before I started couponing, I was never able to give things to others. Now I get to give simple, every day necessities to friends, family, complete strangers, and charitable organizations – with little or no cost to me – while also providing for my family’s needs. How amazing is that? What a gift!
I know that I usually don’t blog on spiritual subjects, but if I can share with you all the frequency of my children’s bowel movements and regurgitations, I think I should be able to share with you that I am a follower of Christ! Because if you don’t know that about me, you really don’t know where I’m coming from. Whether I am writing about breastfeeding or barfing, I am always writing as a hopelessly flawed person whose life has been completely redeemed by Jesus Christ.
All that to say that two years after Luanne’s words about worry shocked me, I’ve grown in my faith, and honestly, besides some silly dreams, not much keeps me up at night. I can’t begin to express how thankful I am for that fact.
So tell me, friends and neighbors, what keeps you up at night?
