Category: Emily thinks she’s funny

Alternately titled: Why I am never believing anything I see on Facebook ever again.

“You can’t compare yourself to pictures in magazines,” we’ve told ourselves for years. “They’re airbrushed! No one looks like that in real life!”

But what we see on Facebook/Instagram/whatever, that’s real, right? I mean, it must be, because most people take pictures and upload them to social media sites instantly.

Compare away.

But wait! Studies show (and seriously, who is providing research grants for this preposterous subject?) that Facebook can be bad for your self-esteem. (I could have told you that about 6 seconds after pictures of my recent 15-year high school reunion cropped up.)

The perfect people picking apples to bake into their perfect pies? FAKE. All those pictures of your BFF and your neighbors and the woman you ran into once in the grocery store and she immediately friended you on Facebook? They’re all fake. Thanks to recent technological advances, airbrushing is not something only available to the stars. No, now any random person with an internet connection can remove blemishes and give themselves a thigh gap.

I recently discovered this phenomenon as I was messing around with PicMonkey. I was minding my own business, trying to make a pin-able graphic for a cereal giveaway, and I saw the “Touch Up” options for editing photos. They are as follows:

— Blemish fix
— Airbrush
— Wrinkle remover
— Shine reduce
— Blush boost
— Spray tan
— Teeth whitening
— Lip tint
— Eye brighten
— Eye tint
— Mascara
— Eyeliner
— Eyebrow pencil
— Eye shadow
— Red-eye remover
— Nip Tuck (?!?)
— Weight loss (YES! Finally the magic bullet I’ve been looking for)
— Highlights (why have I been paying big money for them all these years?)

I wanted to try this out for myself, so I chose everyone’s favorite picture of Jenny and me to use as an example.

Here was the starting pallet.

Lovely, don’t you think? But we have some shine on our faces, and there are some lines where, you know, our skin is bending. And my eye make up is terrible.

So let me fix it!

Much better!

Just so you can see how fake this is, let me give you a side-by-side comparison.

I am making light of this, but I really think it is a problem. We have so much access into the lives of other people, and we can’t help but try to gauge how we measure up. It’s hard to remember that the bits and pieces that we see of people – in photos or status updates or tweets or whatever – aren’t the whole picture.

Many of them are about as real as this.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to alter my jawline in all my FB pics.

Newsflash: Jenny and I are getting OLD.

We used to talk about – well, it probably started with Strawberry Shortcake and gin rummy. Then we talked about grades and colleges, weddings and apartments, pregnancy tests and babies.

Now?

See for yourself.

Just wait – we’ve got an AWESOME giveaway of Poise pads coming up next week!

Last week I wrote about words I think should be abolished from the English language, and – hurray! – you all agreed with me! We are one step closer to world domination, my friends.

And not only did you agree with me, but through comments on here and on Facebook, you added a number of words, phrases and activities that should be ILLEGAL. I want to get them down in one place so we can get rid of this nonsense once and for all!

Here we go!

From Jennifer – I would also add blergh, woot, question marks where the don’t belong. Like this? Freaking makes me angry. Also “this is happening”.

From Michelle – The whole “said no one ever” can die a slow death. Hate.

From Emilie – The camera is not a mirror, people. (Jenny’s response: SELFIE!!!!! THE CAMERA IS A MIRROR!!! Actually, I don’t use that word much. But I DO perpetrate the act.)

Jeannett spoke up for the selfies (in a totally serious way, clearly!) – But selfies brought the world the Peace Sign Duck Face Toilet pictures!!! Those are like a newly discovered gem. Like, totally.

From Jenny, queen of the selfie – I also hate “that moment”. And “that awkward moment”. I do enjoy the periods after every word when appropriate. I don’t think I over-use it too much but I could. easily. go there.

From Briana – “besties.” “hubster”

From Michelle – Mine? Has started to die out thankfully. My pet peeve is the #FML people with first world problems. Okay, you spilled coffee. That sucks. But really? It deserves a #FML hashtag? Also? 27 hashtags after EVERYTHING. Drives me nuts. One or two – that is fine.

From UP – Mine is calibrate, as in “…let’s get together and calibrate on…”. In reality it means “…we’re having this meeting so you’ll know exactly how I feel about this and how you should as well…”

From Anna – Totes. Karson agrees – That is exactly what I was going to put! Totes! Once again Jenny’s in the minority – BUT I LOVE TOTES! You guys are no fun.

From Emily – “Epic”. Maybe it shouldn’t be erradicated completely but it is definitely overused these days. No, your Starbucks this morning was not epic, neither was your child using the toilet or your trip to the beach. There are plenty of other words in the English language you can use.

And, in honor of Jenny’s trip to the beach (without me), I would like to add one more thing that NO ONE SHOULD EVER DO AGAIN.