Category: Emily thinks she’s funny

If you hang around the blogosphere very much, you’ve probably seen the latest craze – e-books. You write one about something and then sell it for a few bucks. Everybody’s doing it!

So, of course, Jenny and I want to jump on the bandwagon too. I mean, we know… stuff about… stuff, right? That’s why we’re bloggers! In any case, we’ve been throwing around a few ideas and wanted to get your feedback on which one you think we should publish.

Without further ado… our tickets to fame and fortune!

So what do you think? Which one should we go for? I’m leaning toward the sideshow freaks one myself, but I don’t want to hurt Jenny’s feelings. You know how sensitive I am toward her! Hey… that could be another topic. “Why Making Fun of Others is Actually Good for Them (and will make you laugh, too).”

The possibilities are endless.

Jenny and I have often said that our main goal for this blog is simple – we aim to crack each other up. And while we do find ourselves mildly amusing on here, our laugh-til-we-cry conversations generally happen on IM. (Which is why I think we need our own radio show, because together we are hilarious. So Oprah Radio, give us a call, k?)

Anyway.

One such IM conversation took place today, and while I don’t think Jenny so much as cracked a smile, I literally had tears rolling down my face – so, much to Jenny’s horror, I’m sharing our convo with you.

For background – yesterday Jenny randomly texted me with information (TMI, to be exact) regarding the lengths she was going to to cure a malady in her eye. I’ll let her tell y’all about that one. Let’s just say she must have been really sick of wearing glasses.

Which brings me to our chat today.

Emily says: yo
Jenny says: yodude
Emily says: what’s up?
Jenny says: getting ready for Joshua’s PT conference
Emily says: oh nice
Jenny says: whats up w/ you?
Emily says: um just trying to think of something to post
Jenny says: post about how my eye is not any better and I’m FREAKING OUT
Emily says: i don’t even know what’s wrong with your eye. take a picture, send it to me and i’ll write a post about it. for real
Jenny says: it’s like pink eye under my iris. I have been taking antibiotic dropsleft over from when Sophie had it, for like well thisis the third day but only once today so far and no better and I am SICK OF GLASSES. let me take a pic. eh i totally cant get a pictue
Emily says: use the xoom
Jenny says: i tried
Emily says: boo
Jenny says: i can’t see well enough w/out my glasses and i have to pull the botton of my eye down so you can see it. can’t do all that and get a pic! argh
Emily says: you have problems
Jenny says: ooh i just had joshua help me and I got it. but it is SO unattractive I would never ever let it be publisehd!
Emily says: SEND IT TO ME
Jenny says: emily, it’sthe ugliest thing ever, i would rather have another swimsuit photo
Emily says: which means it will make the post funny
Jenny says: my nose looks like Blossom’s it’s so close range
Emily says: SEND IT, Amy Farrah Fowler
Jenny says: FINE. as Sophie would say. but you OWE ME
Emily says: omg I am dying laughing already and i haven’t even seen it
Jenny says: seriously, just crop my eye. also i look like i have a moustache. good lighting

Emily says: omg i am about to choke to death on an orange
Jenny says: grrreeeeeeeeat. well, I am goig to be very relaxed in joshua’s conference while my mugshot hits the net
Emily says: stop, i am going to hyperventilate
Jenny says: well i am glad to entertain you. meanwhile I am in a panic about how to get my eye better so I can wear contacts and mascara again. oh geez that was quotable
Emily says: oh this whole conversation is quotable
Jenny says: seriously, though doesnt it seem like if you give your kids antibiotic drops they get better like instantly?
Emily says: yes but did it occur to you that you are using medication prescribed to treat what sophie had but not necessarily what you have?
Jenny says: yes but its just pink eye!
Emily says:how do you know?
Jenny says:because i’ve GOOGLED
Emily says: Maybe it’s… I don’t know.
Jenny says: duh. geez. and it’s only in one spot. it’s weird
Emily says: well you certainly cured my writer’s block.
Jenny says: arrgh yw
Emily says: maybe you busted a blood vessel
Jenny says: i will probably have to drag my ass to the dr.
Emily says: your eye isn’t goopy
Jenny says: well it looks thick like pink eye does
Emily says: what do you mean, thick?
Jenny says: like the cornea just looks thicker where it’s red. that’s what it looked like last time Joshua had it, which was in the spring sometime. his wasn’t goopy either. so this looks like tht to me. but of course, I am not a dr. ok my mom is here and I have to fly out the door! love you. don’t make me not love you anymore
Emily says: you’ll always love me
*****
The end.

Ok perhaps something was lost in the translation, but it was hilarious. HILARIOUS, I tell you. It’s not that I don’t take her and her little eye issue seriously, it’s just that… Well, ok. I don’t take it very seriously. Jenny tends to overreact, you know. She’s not calm and rational like I am.

I mean, Sam had an eye thing the other day, and did I freak out?

Hmm… now that you mention it, I did. That picture up there? I put it on Facebook. And tweeted it. And googled it. And what do you know, the interwebz diagnosed him with a stye and/or cellulitis. Which I then googled and found pictures like this.

And also discovered that cellulitis can result in anything from a MRSA or staph infection to meningitis. (Or it could be treated by 10-days of antibiotics and be gone within 48 hours. But at the time I thought the likelihood of those other things was much higher.)

So perhaps Jenny is right in flipping out about her antibiotic-resistant self-diagnosed pink eye.

We wouldn’t want her to end up looking like this.

P. S. Jenny did not confirm the fact that she’ll always love me. However, I know she will because she does not want to be responsible for this blog all by herself.

In the last few months, a number of life- (or at least routine-) changing things have taken place in Jenny’s world.

Sophie started preschool.

Jenny’s started focusing on doing one thing at a time.

Jonah was born.

And that’s just part of the list.

So those things on their own seem pretty innocuous, right? Positive changes, even.

But I am here to tell you that the combination of these tweaks in Jenny’s daily life have had a DISASTROUS effect.

On me.

Before Jenny started all this “good mom” business, I could get in touch with her just about any time I wanted to. She was always a tweet/IM/email/text away. And she RESPONDED to me instantly. INSTANTLY, I tell you.

Now? Not so much.

I’ve been noticing this for a while… the breakdown in the unwritten constant-contact clause in our contract. It’s been gradual, happening so slowly in a time that we’re both so busy that we’ve not had time to think much about it.

But today was different.

Today, I didn’t communicate with Jenny once.

No emails, no tweets, no IMs, no DMs, no PMs, no texts, no phone calls, no facebook status updates, no smoke signals.

Nothing.

I am NOT amused. And really, I don’t think the universe appreciates being so out of balance. So Jenny, I’m sure no one would mind if you dropped this real life crap and got back to having your laptop as an extension of your arms.

Seriously, Cousin, it’s time to prioritize.