The Hard Stories

This weekend, for the second year in a row, I attended the Hearts at Home conference in Grand Rapids, MI. I loved it last year and was super-excited to go again this year and get encouraged. Hearts at Home exists to encourage moms, specifically stay-at-homers, but I want to emphasize that I felt both times I attended the conference that there was nothing I heard that couldn’t be applied to work-outside-the-home moms, single moms, ALL moms! It was once again, amazing. I loved it even more this year than last year. Although, it should be noted, that miraculously, I cried a lot less than I did last year. 🙂

Throughout the next few weeks I will probably be sharing some more of what I learned from the great speakers I heard – especially Dr. Kevin Leman, author of the Birth Order Book, and my new FAVORITE book ever, Have a New Kid by Friday.

But what I want to share first (and quickly) are a couple of phrases spoken in a keynote given by the founder of Hearts at Home, Jill Savage. These words really stuck with me. She said that we are moms need to share our HARD stories with each other. That everyone loves to hear the cute, funny, stories about how your kid can turn his ear inside out, but what’s important to share are the experiences where you screw up as a mom, or get depressed, or have a giant housekeeping FAIL. Because everyone has these experiences, but we can’t learn from them if we’re too scared to talk about them, too concerned with keeping up appearances, with meeting a certain standard, that we keep it all stuffed inside.

Another thing she said that rings sooo true, is that we will never learn from each other as moms if we can’t stop judging each other. I know it’s hard. I have struggled with it in the past. But I believe there is no winner in the Mommy Wars. Let’s just encourage each other to be the BEST moms we can be, in the way that we feel is right for our families.

Lastly, something I took away with me last year, that was reiterated again this year, is that I am not alone in motherhood and I was not meant to take this journey alone. And I am not talking about having a husband or not, I am talking about walking with God. God gave me these children, and he will partner with me in raising them! And even if there is a “hard story” that I can’t bear to share with anyone else, he knows it. And if I let him, he will get in the down & dirty middle of it with me.

So let’s get real! Call up a friend, tell her your “hard story”. Tell it here in the comments. But TELL it. Let’s learn from each other!

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Connectedness

Connectedness? Is that even a word? Oh, well, if it’s not, you know what I am getting at. Feeling connected has become really important to me in the last few weeks. And I am talking about connected in the physical sense. Really being with my friends, not just on skype or twitter, but being with them. I’m longing for them. Emily and I talk every day, but there’s been times these past couple of weeks or so when I’ve just wanted to drive out to her house and show up and invite myself in and sit as close to her on the couch as she’ll let me! I want to be with her. And her sister. And my BFF Luanne, and pretty much all the other wonderful women I consider good friends.

I’ve had playdates every day this week so far, and I have a friend who works full-time coming over for lunch today on her lunch break and I can’t wait. I just want to love my friends! I’ve gone through definite periods in my life where getting out and about, or cleaning the house to have guests was too much hassle. But now, it’s what I WANT to do. It is weird and compelling. But I am going with it for now.

So, you wanna come over? Let’s plan on it!

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And so it begins.

Kate’s been in kindergarten all of, I don’t know, three weeks, and already she’s met them.

The mean girls.

Before school today, my grandma put pigtails in Kate’s hair and tied ribbons around them. I didn’t see her, as I was already at work, but I’m sure she looked freaking adorable.

However, apparently some of the other girls didn’t think a random Monday called for ribbons, and made fun of Kate for wearing them when it was not picture day (as though she should have known that rule that they invented THREE SECONDS BEFORE).

I know – I really do – that this is extremely minor. I know that her feelings were hurt and she’ll get over it and then her feelings will get hurt all over again. And again, and again. I also know that there will be times when she’ll hurt the feelings of another little girl. That’s how life is. I get it.

But seriously? They’re five. They’re five and their already picking on each other for something as benign as a hair bow.

Which begs the question, what else – who else – are they making fun of? And how do I make sure it’s not Kate on either side of that equation?

Andy and I did our best to make this a teachable moment and talk to her about what being a friend means and blah blah blah… but none of it erases the hurt she felt today and that makes me so sad.

What I am dying to know, and what I haven’t asked, is this – will she wear the ribbons again tomorrow?

I really, really hope she will.

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Update: She wanted a ribbon this morning. That makes me SO PROUD.

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