Category: Being a Mom

I wrote this post as part of my participation in a blog tour for The Motherhood on behalf of the makers of Children’s MOTRIN® and received compensation to thank me for taking the time to participate. However, all opinions expressed are my own.

Over the past couple of months I’ve told you about who and what inspires me to be an Unstoppable Mom. I’ve talked about awesome moms in my life and my strategies to make it through the holidays. But the truth is, I’m an Unstoppable Mom by choice. I do what I do because I LOVE my family, and every day I choose to do what needs to be done to make us work. That includes 7:30 preschool, my job, speech therapy, dinner, homework help, swim lessons, church, house church and hopefully time for extended family and friends.

And the truth is? I’m tired. See?

As I write this it’s 10:33 p.m. and I have miles to go before I sleep. These kinds of miles:

And these kind:

The fun miles have been run. I ran them during my children’s waking hours. Those miles included hugs and kisses and silly games and hot chocolate and Advent time. Now it’s time to run the last couple, the couple you force yourself to do long after you felt like throwing in the towel. Those last couple miles can be grueling. But they are necessary to make the fun miles happen. So I do them.

(Please note: I don’t run in real life. 0.0, baby!)

I’m unstoppable because of those waking hours. The moments of life and love I have with my family are what make me unstoppable. And it’s really just as simple as that. Simple and simply wonderful. These people who leave me so worn out at the end of the day also make me indescribably HAPPY. I am such a lucky mom.

The Makers of Children’s MOTRIN have asked me to share my unstoppable stories with you the last few months, and now I’m going to ask you to share some time with me (and them!): Thursday, December 4, we’ll be tweeting all things #UnstoppableMoms at 1pm EST. Check out the invite for more details – we’ll be giving away FIVE $50 gift cards!

Oh, and hey – you can still share your unstoppable tips over on the Motrin Facebook page. Because one of the best ways we can help each other be unstoppable is to share what works for us! And what’s awesome about that? For every tip shared, they will make a $1 donation made to Safe Kids. Your tip might also win you $100 just for posting (all details on the Motrin Facebook page)!

*NO PURCHASE NECESSARY, OPEN TO LEGAL RESIDENTS OF THE 50 UNITED STATES & D.C., 18 AND OLDER. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED. Promotion ends 11:59p.m. ET 12/28/14.  Sponsor will donate $1 for each approved Submission made as part of the promotion, with a minimum donation of $30,000 and a maximum donation of $50,000.  For Official Rules, and complete details, visit www.unstoppablemoms.com. Sponsor: McNeil Consumer Healthcare Division of McNEIL-PPC, Inc.  To learn more about Safe Kids Worldwide visit safekids.org.

Thanks for joining this year on my #UnstoppableMoms journey! I look forward to seeing you at the Twitter party on Thursday!

I’ve had two articles bumping around in my head for a couple of weeks. One is well from the UK Daily Mail, an article in which Gillian, the mother of Stephen, a 47-year-old man with Down syndrome states unapologetically that she wishes he had never been born. The other is this one by my friend Jeannett in which she says she hopes her daughter with cerebral palsy and epilepsy never hears any pregnant woman say “as long as it’s healthy” while she rubs her belly. If her daughter hears this, she wonders, will she think herself unwanted, unworthy, or less because she isn’t “healthy”? Will she wonder if her mother thought for one second that she could trade her for a healthy child? This is just about Jeannett’s greatest nightmare. Because unlike Gillian, she rejoiced in the baby she gave birth to – disability and all.

So these two opposing posts are rattling around in my mom-heart. I posted a link on my Facebook profile to the Daily Mail article where Gillian recounts how her son with Down syndrome has basically ruined her life, and how she wishes he had never existed, and someone commented on my post, “That’s so sad, but I don’t think I am very well equipped to raise a special needs child.” (This is a paraphrase, and I should note, the person who wrote that comment does not have children.) But she is correct. She’s not equipped. Because she doesn’t have such a child. If she had a special needs child, and was willing to accept this gift from God, then she would become equipped real quick-like. Because God doesn’t make mistakes. I firmly believe that He gives us the kids we are supposed to have and he gives us what we need to be their parents. Jeannett didn’t dream of one day having a child with cerebral palsy and epilepsy, but she does and she rocks her job as Jill’s mom LIKE A BOSS. She in uniquely equipped to be Jill’s mom, just like she is uniquely equipped to parent her three other “typical” children who each have and will have their own needs or problems that Jeannett will help them with along the way.

And listen. I did not think I was equipped to raise a child with significant developmental delays, to teach her, to work with her, to become an at-home speech and occupational therapist. But when my daughter was diagnosed with said delays, I got on it. And I learned, I learned fast. I had no idea what I was doing but I was willing. And you know what? God equipped me. All that was in there inside of me just waiting to be activated. He gave me a child who needed to be taught and he gave me the skills to teach her. Yes, she had therapists, but they told me what to do and I did it! And though we were told she’d need 3-4 years of therapy, and she graduated in just 18 months.

God gave me the child I was supposed to have and then he gave me the skills to give her what she needed. It is that simple.

When I read the article Gillian wrote, where she says if she could go back in time she would end her son’s life before he was born “in an instant”, I do not feel judgment. I have not walked in her shoes, but I have experienced thinking you have a “typical” child and then getting smacked in the face with the reality that you do not. I feel sadness for Gillian. I am just so, so, sad for her. Because she could have chosen to accept her sweet boy and be the best mom for him, but instead as she says in her own words, she never came to terms with his disability.

I do not think she ever saw him as anything but a mistake. And I think she missed out on a lot. (Side note: please go read the article. It’s pretty chilling, and I don’t want you to think I am attacking some poor misunterstood mom.)

Listen, mamas. All our kids will have some sort of issue. Some may struggle academically, others behaviorally, some may sail through their school and teen years and then have trouble functioning as a young adult. Some of your daughters may struggle as young mothers. Listen, listen, listen: whatever your child needs at any stage, you can give it to them. I am not saying you can magically become a surgeon if they need an operation, but you can offer emotional and physical support and guidance. You can be THE MOM they need at that exact time.

You can do it, because they were born to you, and you were born for this.

One of the things that surprised me about motherhood was how so unnatural it is to me. I expected to be like a happy, glowing mom in a detergent ad, I guess, and…that’s not what happened. It is hard. All the sacrifice is hard. And I am selfish. And yet…I think I am doing ok, because of this:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9.

This is the answer the apostle Paul got  back from God when he was begging him to take away an affliction that he could not handle. It is the answer I get back when I think I cannot meet the constantly-changing needs of three different children at the same time. It is the answer that has proved true time and time again.

When I am weak, I am strong. I am naturally weak at mothering. But God makes me strong and equips me for the task.

Mamas, you have what it takes to be YOUR kids’ mom. They are yours, and you are theirs, for a reason.

Photo Credit: man’s pic via Compfightcc Text added by author.

Before I had kids, I thought I wanted five kids. After I had one, I thought, “maybe three”. After I had two, I thought “Remember when I only had one? THAT WAS AWESOME.” Just kidding (sort of), I really thought, “Two’s good.” And then, well, we went away without kids for our 10th anniversary, and…we ended up bringing one back with us. And make no mistake,  I am so glad we did. But I am also so glad we are not having any more. I got my tubes tied on the operating table when I had a c-section with baby #3 and I’ve not regretted it for one single second. Our family is complete and it feels great. And so does never having to have ankles the size of a California Redwood ever again. Which I think is a great segue into my 5 reasons I’m glad I’m done having kids.

1) I can’t seem to pop them out the right way, and major abdominal surgery three times in seven years was puh-lenty. Especially that first time when I got a paralyzed bowel and it hurt worse than labor, and that third time when my magic pain ball medicine they gave me after surgery DIDN’T WORK and the nurse didn’t believe me and I just wanted to die for a couple days. Pass.

2) My three wonderful, awesome, amazing kids have stretched me to my limit. Even though the older two are capable of doing lots of self-care, there’s not a minute of the day when I don’t feel needed, pulled on, and tethered to them. And sometimes, I can’t hear “Hey Mom” one more time without losing it. It stands to reason that if I had another kid, I’d hear it one more time plus one more time. I guess what I’m trying to say is, a fourth kid would definitely get the shaft. Because I’m about tapped out. I’ve got really good friends who keep popping out babies with no signs of stopping and frankly it makes me feel rather inferior because I would love to be that maternal angel who just wants to have all the children her loins can produce and love them each perfectly, but I. Am. Not. And then sometimes I feel guilty about having three kids when some people struggle to have one, and I think, well, what is the right way to feel? I don’t know.

3) Playing host to a growing human being for 40 weeks (which, let’s be real, is more like 10 months than 9. Somebody sold us a big ol’ LIE.) is totally miraculous but SO not enjoyable to me. Especially when at about week five, the 24/7 Vomitpalooza gets going. I had morning sickness with my first baby and I had alldayeverydayforthenextsixteenweeks sickness with my other two. And this may surprise you, but after about two weeks, the “Let’s count how many times and in how many different places I threw up today” game gets old. So does running from your desk to the bathroom that’s really far down a long hallway at work while your co-workers take bets on whether you’re going to take it or not. Oh, and…I didn’t like anything else about being pregnant either. Except getting to keep the baby at the end.

4) My heart is in three equal pieces that walk around in three little bodies. I worry about my kids. I don’t let anxiety rule my life, but having and loving a child means taking a huge risk with your heart. I took that risk three times, so I have three times the mom fears. And I won’t lie, having two kids with developmental delays has taken a lot out of me. Having to worry and stress about their development wore me down to a degree…I think it’s a big part of the reason I consider myself tapped out.

5) I like being back to me. I know it sounds selfish, but I nursed my last two babies til they were two. It will be two years next month since I’ve been a nursing mama. I loved nursing my babies but I like the way I feel not having to share my body anymore. I like the fact that my hair no longer falls out faster than it could grow in and that I can wear real bras and drink large quantities of caffeine and take an aspirin without worrying about passing anything along to the kiddos. I like walking around in my own skin and having it be…my own. At this point in my life, it feels completely and totally right.

There you have it…some reasons why I am really happy to be a mom of three and only three. I realize not everyone has this choice, but I think my reasons for not having any more are pretty good…and totally “me”.