I forgot how the Tooth Fairy works.

Sam hit a long-awaited milestone last week.

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At six-and-a-half, that was the first tooth he lost and he was VERY excited about it. He actually lost it at school, and the secretary gave him a cute little treasure box to put the tooth in. He couldn’t stop smiling all day. It was adorable. And he was SO EXCITED for the Tooth Fairy to come that night.

I had dinner with friends that evening (and I’m going to blame the margarita for what came next. I only had one. Okay, two. But they were small medium.), and when I got home Sam and Andy were both asleep, but Kate had waited up for me to make sure I performed my duties. I went in to Sam’s room, slid a dollar under his pillow, went back to tell Kate she could stop holding vigil and go to bed, and hit the sack myself.

Anyone notice the missing step there? Yeah.

The next morning, Sam came into our room devastated. He was crying and said, “The Tooth Fairy didn’t take my tooth!” I said some choice words in my head and then made up some nonsense about her not being able to find it without waking him up. He wasn’t having it, though. I don’t know why that particular part of the ritual was so important to him, but it was, and I totally screwed it up. Kate scooped up the tooth before Sam came into his room after school that day, and she told him to check and see if the Tooth Fairy had come back for it. By that point he was fairly mollified… but this is one of those things that I’m going to remember, even if he doesn’t.

There are plenty of other things for me to screw up before my kids turn 18, but rest assured the Tooth Fairy won’t make that mistake again!

{Cue Jenny telling me how smart she is for not playing along with any made up rites of passage that require adult intervention.}

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Be Glad I’m Not Your Mom: Minecraft Edition

Two nights ago, weary before bed, I said to my husband, “I think we should pay someone to come over here and talk to Joshua about Minecraft because I can’t stand to hear about it anymore. I’m serious. I cannot TAKE IT anymore. This is something I would pay money for.”

Bobby looked at me and with all sincerity said, “That’s a great idea.”

BECAUSE OH MY GOSH WE ARE BOTH SO SICK OF MINECRAFT.

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These square-ish beings are RUINING MY LIFE!

Every time Joshua starts talking about Minecraft, or God forbid, WANTS ME TO LOOK AT THE SCREEN WHILE HE’S PLAYING (shudder), I tense up as if prepared for battle. I have to conjure up a mental happy place to go to to survive the ensuing minutes. Zombies, sheep, square ducks, swords, and lots of names I don’t understand (sounds like: hair-o-brine, no I DON’T want to know what the correct word is. Don’t. Want. To. Know.) and all the Minecraft stories are long, people, they’re LONG. So I have to stay rooted to one spot for entire ETERNITIES, people, listening to gobbledygook when I have SO MUCH TO DO.

Joshua’s so obsessed with Minecraft that he has started making Minecraft videos for KidzVuz. Like this one. I mean, he’s cute and all…but it’s just a video of him playing Minecraft. And there are like FIVE MORE that he’s done on my iPad that I haven’t had time to upload them yet. I mean we are probably going on 30 minutes of Minecraft videos here.

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One of the reasons I can hardly wait for school to start is that at school, Joshua can talk to his FRIENDS about Minecraft and hopefully get it out of his system some. And then maybe, just maybe, when he gets home, he will just PLAY it…and not show it to me. A girl can dream, right? Dream that someday, she’ll live in a world where she doesn’t have to watch her son’s square doppelgänger climb all 567 steps on the giant high dive he constructed in his square pixelated dreamworld and then go shear some square sheep.

I dream BIG, people.

So, who wants to come over and talk to Joshua about Minecraft for real American dollars? Submit your resumes in the comments. I figured I’d ask you guys before I just hired some creeper off of Craigslist. I mean like REAL creeper, not Minecraft Creeper. Although they may be one and the same.

(P.S. this post was written with a 3-year-old  on my lap. You may applaud now.)

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Nobody likes a vague-booker, but…

Nothing irritates me quite like a purposefully-vague Facebook status update – “I just got the best news! So excited!” or “Brokenhearted.” Or something else equally annoying. Pass or play, people – post it or don’t!

That said, I’m about to be super annoying to all of you and do an entire vague post!

The subject of my question shall remain nameless. It’s important to protect the privacy of the pre-pubescent in question.

So… here’s my predicament. What’s the best way to tell our children something they don’t want to hear? Something of a personal nature, something he or she might be embarrassed about? How can we say “here’s something you need to take care of” without ruining their self-esteem and/or making them self-conscious for ever and ever?

I had a situation like this earlier this week, and let me tell you – I did it wrong. My seemingly innocuous, kindly worded statement resulted in HYSTERICS. I am fairly sure this situation will be the subject of several therapy sessions to come. Hers and mine.

Anyone have advice for me?

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