Sunday I was awakened at 10 til 4 IN THE MORNING by Joshua coming into our bedroom and saying “Jonah’s throwing up!”
Of course he is. Because I’ve had the cold from hell for a week and I cannot control the coughing at night, so why would he throw up during the day when I could actually take care of him without hacking up a lung? As I was deliriously bathing Jonah and Bobby was deliriously stripping the boys’ beds of pukey sheets (because of course he got it on Joshua’s bed, too), Bobby looked at me and said, “Why do our kids ALWAYS have to start throwing up in the middle of the night? They never START throwing up in the daytime. If they throw up in the daytime, it’s just a continuation of something that started in the middle of the night.”
This morning, as I groggily moved to the coffee pot, his words popped back into my head, and I tried to think. Think, think, think, about when the kids had started a pukefest pre-bedtime.
In my ten years of parenting I can recall TWO TIMES. TWICE. Two whole times out of eleventybillion that they didn’t start off a pukefest during the wee hours. Once was when Joshua was in kindergarten, and we had to go pick him up because he threw up in class (first kindergartener of the YEAR to blow chunks in class. WINNER!!) and the second time was in December when Sophie and I were at a basketball game and Jonah started hurling all over Bobby about 7 p.m. If only he could’ve held it in a few. more. hours! Just to torture us as we tried to care for him!
Jonah is totally fine today, and has had no more instances of pukage, hallelujah! He’s been running around happy like a maniac and I will confess I’ve let him indulge in a few more of his favorite YouTube music videos than I normally would because I’M SO TIRED from being up in the middle of the night and then sleeping EVER so lightly (with Joshua in our bed because we only had one set of clean sheets, natch) so that I’d hear Jonah if he got sick again.
So yeah. I think the little boogers hold it in until it’s prime sleeping time, because WHEEEEEE being up in the middle of the night is AWESOME and mom and dad being too tired to care what happens during the day is AWESOMER!
Kids. I tell you, the method to their madness is positively Machiavellian!
What do you think? Are your kids in on the conspiracy too, or are mine just “special”?
Erma Bombeck always said, “Children are punishment for an early marriage.”
AMEN, sister. I– literally– posted this on FB just last week: “Every.single.time one of my children gets a stomach bug, they throw up all through the night (thus ensuring I do not sleep at all), then wake up starving and fine. But, of course, I can’t let them go to school or activities because– contagious. So, I yawn my way through a day, letting a perfectly healthy-seeming child watch way too much TV and bitterly comparing myself to that awesome grandpa from The Princess Bride who sweetly reads to the ill child all the livelong day.
Am I the only one???”
That’s hilarious JessieLeigh! I swear I didn’t read that before I posted this. My genius husband came upon this realization. I swear to you they’re DOING IT ON PURPOSE!
Great title! Your kids seem to throw up an awful lot.
It seems that way doesn’t it Laurel? Actually this year has been much better than last SO FAR. We did have a Christmas 2013 pukefest, but in 2014 Jonah has been our only puker and he’s only done it twice, once in January and once this week. Crossing fingers for NO MORE!
My 2 kids only seem to throw up maybe once per year, each. (Or several times on the same day, that is.) Not trying to brag or anything, both of them seem to have runny noses almost continuously in the winter, but puking is not our main downfall.
Oh my goodness! This happened to us last week too! Mason woke us up screaming at 4am Friday morning. He had puked all over his bed. And I was so tired I couldn’t figure out what to do. Haha! The week started out with my husband puking Sunday night and in bed all day Monday. Then my 8 month old woke up from her afternoon nap on Tuesday, covered in puke. Thursday night, I thought mason and I wouldn’t get it. Figures! By the time mason was better late Friday afternoon, I was sick! It was a horrible week!
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Mine usually prefer the middle of the night too…but my 6 year old did decide to throw up during kindergarten last week. Thankfully for everyone it was during recess. I think her teacher may have raised an eyebrow though when she called and I responded with “so I should probably come get her then?” haha.
An hour later her brother was puking all over her sister.
There’s one thing I learned this past week though…I am SO glad we invested in our very own carpet shampooer.