Rough morning.

I got my daily dose of mommy-guilt pretty early this morning.

As we were getting ready to leave, the kids were in the car and I was going back and forth into the house getting everything we needed to leave, and as I walked out the door for the last time, I could see Kate crawling around in the backseat. I pointed at her and said “Get in your chair!” I was really just kidding and didn’t mean to come off harshly, but she couldn’t hear me and could only see my hand gestures.

When I climbed in the car, her lip was quivering, and she said to me, “Mommy, why did you yell at me?” And as I assured her that I didn’t mean to yell or hurt her feelings and was just being silly, the tears started flowing. It wasn’t a manipulative cry, or a I-didn’t-get-my-way cry, she was genuinely sad. And it just about broke my heart.

A couple minutes later, I heard her say “I am going to wear my Hello Kitty jammies to school when it’s pajama day,” and when I turned around and saw the big smile on her face, I could tell that all was forgiven. And when I dropped her off, she playfully pushed me out the door as she always does. She was fine, I know she was.

But it left me very unsettled this morning, and I’m not sure how to get past this feeling.