One day, a long time from now, our kids will be old enough to be mortified by their embarrassing parents. Fortunately for us, and unfortunately for them, they’ve provided us with an arsenal of stories about the times they humiliated us – paybacks are fair game! NickMom has a feature called “Kids Say of the Day,” and it brought to mind some of the crazy things my kids have said!
Before I get to my kids’ stuff, though, let me share with you this “Kids Say of the Day” that left me speechless.
Yeah. My kids would so be grounded for all eternity.
So anyway, back to the ways my kids have publicly shamed me.
Let’s start with Kate.
When Kate was about two, as she was in the picture above, we were walking through Target with my grandma. Kate was sitting in the cart, and my purse was stashed right beside her. So anyway, I’m walking around, minding my own business, not paying any attention to the fact that Kate is sorting through my purse, when all the sudden – to my horror – she pulls out two tampons. She started waving them around in the air and shouting “maracas!” at the top of her lungs.
As though that wasn’t bad enough, my grandma thought it was the funniest thing ever, and was laughing hysterically, adding to the scene we were causing. It. Was. Awesome.
Not long after that, Kate was in the midst of potty training and, you know how it is, we talked about all things potty a lot. At home. (Not so much on social media, unlike some people I know *ahem*Jenny*ahem*.) However, Kate hadn’t yet picked up on the appropriate times to talk about such things (or, evidently, anatomical terms) and one night we were out to dinner when Andy excused himself to go to the restroom. Kate piped up for the whole place to hear, “Daddy, are you going to go potty with your… with your… with your tail?!?!?”
Andy would have liked the floor to open up and swallow him at that moment!
Though Kate’s gotten older, her flare for saying things at inopportune times is still going strong.
When she was in the first grade, Andy and I went to her parent/teacher conference, expecting to hear nothing but lovely things about our girl. That was true, all right – her teacher was very complimentary. Toward Kate. At the end of our session, though, the teacher looked at me and ask if I had any questions about the homework Kate had been assigned. I was confused, and said, “Well no, I don’t think so.” Her teacher responded, “Are you sure? When Kate turned hers in yesterday, she said ‘My mom said this assignment is all jacked up!”
Oops!
Kate has said some doozies, but lest you think that she is the only child who has embarrassed me, let me tell you this story about Sam. This is the #1 takes-the-cake kids-say-the-darnedest-things story I have.
I took Sam to his three-year well-checkup at the pediatrician’s office. When the doctor came in, he and I were commiserating about the early hour of the morning. The doctor said he could use a cup of coffee.
“Boys don’t drink coffee!” Sam piped up. “Boys drink beer!”
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I know I’m not alone here – I’d love to hear the stories about how your kids have embarrassed you! You know, the stories you’ve stock piled in your mind to use on special occasions like when he or she brings a date home. The ones you’ll tell for years to come. Let’s hear them!
And while you’re at it, click over to NickMom to read more “Kids Say of the Day” stories. Seriously, I cannot get over the one I showed you above… and there are more where that came from!
Hysterical! Well, there was that time Joshua used phonics to spell the world “p*rn” with magnet letters and sound it out. And said, “I made p*rn!” Bobby and I were laughing so hard because we are terrible parents…thank GOODNESS we were the only ones around to hear that!
OMG! I love these kids!
Oh my word. Just think – out of all the things she could have referred to as “maracas,” tampons aren’t actually the WORST…
{Also, last night at dinner, Annalyn looked at me – her 7 month pregnant mother – and said, “Mommy, you have big arms.” Really? REALLY? Thanks, kid.}
Oh yeah, I’ve got a reeeeaaaaalllll good one. Our sweet family of four went shopping to JoAnn Fabrics for my three year old (that was fully incapable of saying her “r”s) to pick out fabric for me to make her a tie blanket. This was a big deal that she was super excited about. She was also super duper excited about Thomas the train at that age. Girlfriend loved her some Thomas. So we walked our giddy 3 year old over to the fabric section and she squealed with delight when she apparently found the fabric of her choice and screamed at the top of her lungs, “PU$$Y! PU$$Y!!!! I LOVE PU$$Y!!!!!” to which of course she was referring to the Thomas fabric with PERCY on it. After my husband peeled me off the floor, we got the fabric cut, and she handed it to the cashier and proudly said “I got Pu$$y!” I didn’t let her watch Thomas again until she was capable of pronouncing her “r”s. And that was the day my 3 year old mortified me.
And we have a winner! Holy cow, that is hilarious!!
Oh. My. Word. I just diiiieeeed laughing!!! Better you than me is all I can say! Good call on the Thomas re-dux. Hilarious!
That is awesome. I’m sure I have some but I usually drink so much after they happen that I have forgotten them all 😉
HAHAHAHA! So funny!! I think one of the more embarrassing moments for me was when my daughter asked one of my friends if she had a baby in her belly too! What do you say to that?!I wanted to hide-for life!!
OH my gosh! I could use some of those maracas like next week. My husband’s cousin’s son announced loudly one day that his mommy’s vagina had a boo boo and there was blood everywhere, right in the middle of Target where the bathrooms are, right next to the cashiers. She was mortified.
Your son’s a smart one. Boys totally do drink beer. Root beer, right? Or are you one of THOSE moms? #client