Meltdown in Aisle Five

This week, a combination of bad weather and holiday busy-ness kept me from getting to the grocery until yesterday. Usually on Monday or Tuesday evening, I take my coupon binder and we have a romantic tete-a-tete, just the two of us for a couple hours at Kroger, or Meijer, and/or CVS. Monday night I went out to dinner with a couple of friends, and then Tuesday, an ice storm struck! Wednesday Bobby and I had a hot date, and so by Thursday, we were completely devoid of any healthy food in our house. Since we also had plans Thursday evening, I was forced to take the kids by myself during the day to Meijer. I know this sounds terribly light-weight, but I hadn’t done this in a really long time, and I was scared!

Of course, Meijer was extremely crowded. I put Sophie in the cart and tried to keep Joshua close so he wouldn’t get run over by my cart or anyone else’s. After snapping at him about 47 times to stop long-distance jumping down the busy aisles, he finally listened. I felt bad but seriously this kid practically had a death-wish. I narrowly saved him from getting crunched by other people’s carts like 400 times. In addition to this, my cart was waaaay out of alignment and was listing heavily to the right. So my left arm was working overtime trying to keep it straight. With all my groceries and a 30-pound Sophie in that cart, it was beginning to be a struggle.

Finally, we made it to our last needed item – a roll of cookie dough. We were going to a Christmas party at our house church and I wanted to make cookies (the quick way!) with Joshua. First I couldn’t find the cookie dough, and then I realized it was because there were like 50 people standing right in front of it. So I circled around and came back to it. Still couldn’t get to it. I circled again,and a THIRD time I was cookie-blocked by oblivious people staring at the cookie dough. Steam began coming out my ears. It was at that point that I realized that steam was also coming off of other parts of my body. I was HOT. I had on a long-sleeve tee, a fleece sweatshirt, and my winter coat and scarf. I was sweating to death right there in the refrigerated section!

I gave up on the cookies and went up to the bakery and got some yummy-looking chocolate-chip-and M&M-cookies that were already made (for twice the price of cookie dough. Super.) I put them in the cart and Sophie immediately threw herself on top of the container and began trying to a) lick the cookies through the plastic and b) try and get the container open. “Cookie, CooKIE, COOKIE!” she screamed indignantly. I tried to go to my “happy place” as I steered the wayward cart toward the checkout.

By now I was so HOT, I had to resist the urge to strip. All rationality about flew out the window as I pictured myself happily and cooly paying for my groceries with no shirt on. It really sounded good at the moment. I had to get out of there!!

Finally, my turn at the checkout came. I wrestled the cookies away from Sophie (which did nothing to cool me down) and ignored her screams of indignation as I loaded our groceries onto the conveyor belt. The cashier gave me a sympathetic look. I tried to ignore the rivulets of sweat rolling down my stomach. I briefly argued with Joshua about why he could not take the strategically-placed CARS movie character (which he already has TWO of) off the shelf at the checkout and play with it. Sophie was still fussing, so I turned to my daughter, and started playing peek-a-boo with her as the cashier rang me up. Her screams turned into giggles.

At last, I turned to pay for my groceries. I only had TWO measly coupons to use and I knew the more expensive cookies were going to put me over budget.

“Forty-five dollars even.” The cashier said after I gave her my coupons. I gasped a little. “You don’t see it come out even like that too often.” she said.

That is unusual, but I had let out that little gasp because my grocery budget is $45 a week. I grinned from ear to ear as I paid for my groceries. I felt my body temperature start to drop. God is good!

My sore arm and I wheeled my crazy kids and cart full of groceries out to the car, where I mercifully peeled off my coat. I finished cooling down both physically and mentally as we drove home, feeling still a little frazzled also very thankful. Still, I think I will be avoiding that kind of trip at all costs for awhile. Anytime you start to think nudity at the grocery store is acceptable, well…I just don’t want to go there again!