I’m not the greatest decision maker in the world. I’m the one in the group who is NO help in deciding where to go to lunch, I stare at my closet forever each morning trying to decide what to wear, and just yesterday I took a good five minutes deciding what I wanted at Starbucks (grande white chocolate mocha, skim).
I think it’s safe to say that I over-analyze everything. Everything.
So, clearly when it comes to my kids, I’m even worse. And when it comes to important decisions about my kids… well, I’m up nights.
Because basically? I don’t know what the heck I’m doing in the parenting arena, so I research, research, research, look for guidance and the experience of others, and try to make sure I’m making the exact right move before I do anything.
Except when I can’t.
I’m finding that now we’re starting to come across decisions that Google and blogs and messageboards don’t have the answers to. Decisions that will impact our kids daily. Decisions that only Andy and I can make, and ones that we have to make and then and only then we will see if we’ve made the right ones.
Trial and error where my kids are involved? Makes me nervous as hell.
So tell me how you do it. Please. Because if I can’t research an exact answer to my question, leave it to me to research how to come to a conclusion.
Emily,
First off,the white choclate mocha was a great choice, it’s my favorite. Being a new mom I understand exactly what you are talking about and it’s only just the beginning for me. I have never felt so helpless! Thank God for the internet because it is one of my top resources. I think all parents experience these feelings. When making decisions we just have to trust our instincts & try not to over-analyze. We can drive ourselves crazy when we over-analyze. At my first postpartum visit to see the OBGYN I told him I had been experiencing some crying because I didn’t want to be a bad Mom. He told me that no one is perfect and we as parents we are going to make mistakes, but that is how we learn. This may not be the answer you were looking for but I hope it helps. We have to remember to not be too hard on ourselves!
Take Care & Good Luck!
Kim
Hi Emily! As a mom of 5, aged 5 months to almost-16, I can tell you that this doesn’t get easier but you do get better. You love your children so no decision will ever be made in haste. You just have to follow your gut. You and your hubs need to sit down and talk things through and then come to a decision you both are comfortable with. Just remember that the decisions you make for your kids teach them to make them for themselves. Being a responsible and loving parent turns your child into a responsible and loving young adult.
Good luck to you!
You have to follow your gut instincts. Chances are you have a feeling about one way or the other that you cannot quite put your finger on why you feel that way – you just do.
So research what you can, so you have useful information, but then go with your gut and don’t look back.
And, let me guess – you order that everytime you go into Starbucks?? 🙂
Let’s see, my gut is the call on most decisions. I ask my close friends, those that I respect opinions from, and discuss pros/cons of whatever it is.
But, trial and error is actually OK with some stuff. With our oldest son’s education – we were told to make him wait to go to kindergarent, we decided to go ahead and send him despite those opinions. We questioned our decision for 3 years. Essentially, we were trying it out and hoping it wouldn’t lead to an error in our decision making. Now (pats myself on back) with encouragement, focus and all those fancy parenting words, he’s an A student (and the youngest in his class…yes, I’m bragging for a sec). So, it could have turned out differently and we would have adjusted the plan at that point. We looked to him and his behavior to help us make the decisions too.
This parenting stuff is hard! But, of course, God knows google so if you do go searching, I’m sure He’ll help you find some research to make the decision 🙂
I sympathize. My husband and I are incapable of making decisions sometimes. Especially the little things, like what’s for dinner. It’s awful.
We do better at the bigger decisions though- I guess we let our instincts take over and do what we inherently think is best.
It is so hard. I usually trust my instincts. But lately I’ve been using this trick–I ask my child to pretend he is the parent making this decision for his 13-year-old and tell me what he would do. It amazes me how often he gives an answer that is not necessarily in line with what he actually wants. It’s shown me that he understands where I’m coming from and makes it easier for him to swallow my decision. Of course, this doesn’t work well EVERY time–nothing ever does!
Follow your heart! If it seems confused put yourself back in their position. What would you have wanted your parents to do for you?
Mmmm, I’m a soy white mocha gal myself!
When I stress about my raising my little guys (like right now when I’m worried that my SIL may have forgot to put sunscreen on them) I think about all of the mistakes our parents made… and we turned out at least semi-normal, right?!?!
Just remember not to spend so much time worrying that you forget to enjoy them (guilty!!)
I am right there with you…I research as much as possible and go with my gut like everyone else pretty much on here. It is so hard sometimes like should I vaccinate or not, homeschool or state run or private, even which carseat or car for that matter to buy…We all have to do what we think is best for our own children and never think of what if’s. (Easier said to you than done by me.)
The biggest thing I can suggest is that you & your husband talk about what’s going on with the kids-and often. Make sure that you guys are on the same page about stuff. And never decide anything on the spur of the moment. Chances are most things you have to decide about don’t need to be done on the fly-so make sure you & your husband go over them. When the kids aren’t around. Make sure you are honest with each other & learn compromise. Because as they get older you and your husband aren’t going to be on the same page with one another-but if you talk about it then you will know what is going on. And lastly, don’t let the kids play you off one another. If you make all the decisions together-then they will know you guys are a unified front. Now when Giggles wants to do something and I tell her I have to talk to her dad about it sometimes she says “nevermind-he won’t think its a good idea”
And trust your gut-don’t second guess yourself-be confident!!
I agree with some of the comments above. Sometimes you just have to trust your gut (if you can find an answer via twitter, lol)
That’s easy. Pray about it. God always knows what is right for you & your child.