A few weeks ago I began composing a job description for myself in my head. And it both cracked me up and depressed me at the same time. I would suggest that all moms, whether we work at home, stay at home, work outside the home, work part-time, or homeschool, have pretty much the most jacked-up job description on earth. Mainly because of that “other duties” line that falls at the end of most formal job descriptions that always manages to ruin a day once in awhile. When Emily and I were working in non-profit, some of out “other duties” including risking our lives to spray paint arrows all over state routes in southwestern Indiana more than once. Yes, I’d say it’s the “other duties” that really get ya! Here are some of my “other duties as assigned” that fall into my job description as a mom:
- Dose Sophie daily with Miralax. Apparently her bowel movements are on me.
- Amateur meteorologist: every day I have to forecast the weather for Joshua because he is deathly afraid of storms since the great Hail Deluge of 2011. Every day I have to soothe his anxiety and if there is a storm in the forecast, assure him that we are not gonna die. He never believes me anyways so I really should just make random crap up.
- Taxi driver. Self-explanatory.
- Butt wiper.
- Wii game distributor, Nunchuck disconnector
- Speech therapist (who knew?)
- Occupational therapist (where’s my advanced degree!???)
- Baby-food maker
- French braider
- Librarian (gotta keep tabs on our extensive book and DVD collection as well as what we borrow from the library.)
- Hand-me-down organizer
- Choking Hazard Police officer
- Fruit Snack Distributor
- Cheez-It Gatekeeper
Those are just a few of the “other duties” I tackle on a regular basis. Some I never thought I’d do, some I didn’t even realize were a possibility, and all are a part of my life for at least a season. There’s so much more to being a parent than just popping out a kid, or siring one (for all you Dads). It’s exhausting and exhilarating and depressing and surprising and sometimes, just FUNNY.
So tell me, what “other duties as assigned” are unique to your parenting experience?
Mrs. Duggar wanted me to tell you that her number one task is assigning tasks to the 19 kids so that she can eat bon bons and finally get around to reading a really trashy Harold Robbins novel! (Like he wrote any other kind!!)
UP
I love this!
— Personal shopper
— Puke cleaner-upper
— Light-saber fighter
— Car seat fastener
— Arbiter
I’ll keep thinking!
My son things my “girls” are his person pillows. ..
Referee/mediator for all disagreements.
PR – putting the right “spin” on events that will be happening that the kiddos don’t necessarily find entertaining.
Professional organizer for the family schedule, and Referee/mediator for all disagreements.
PR – putting the right “spin” on events that will be happening that the kiddos don’t necessarily find entertaining.
Personal assistant for each child
Professional organizer-ish
Professional shopper for all that is consumed, worn, used, etc.
Housekeeper – self exclamatory – but I am pretty sure I’m going to be fired from this one. Better yet would be management – making the kids do it while I supervise.
Professional shopper for all that is consumed, worn, used, etc.
Housekeeper – self exclamatory – but I am pretty sure I’m going to be fired from this one. Better yet would be management – making the kids do it while I supervise.
That PR thing is MUY importante!!
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Don’t forget Mess Detective and Bloodhound….I can pretty much tell you where my daughter started her day, and where it ended just be following the disaster left in her wake!
You forgot booger wiper. Blood wiper. Tear catcher.
oh BOOGER WIPER for real, Andrea! How could I forget that one? My kids *think* I should also be “booger HOLDER” but that is not happening.
OMG i Just about chocked. I have a friend who had kids before the rest of us did. She would collect her kids boogers in her pockets she would go one day you will to have boogers in your pockets. I was like I don’t think so. I have to say 8 years later and 4 kids. I have NEVER put a booger in my pocket.
It’s a good thing I did NOT have a mouthful of coffee or my computer screen would have totally been sprayed!! THAT is HYSTERICAL!!! 🙂 Made my day with that one!! LOL!!
Nose-wiper. Chief Finder of All Things Lost, even when they are staring the child in the face. Bug-killer. Wii Remote Captain. Pourer of Cereal. Fetcher of Apple Juice. Dresser of Barbie Dolls. Poker of Holes in Rubbermaid Containers So That Fireflies Can Have a Home. Lifeguard for kid who does not understand that she can’t swim. Chief Executive in Charge of Applying Band-Aids. Security Blanket Washer. I’m sure I’ll think of others . . .
* angry bird level solver
* dvr fast-forwarder and volume changer
* “is this shoe on the right foot” answerer
* being aware of the whereabouts of Taggie (lovey)
* boo-boo examiner and kisser
* snack warden
* sock turner-outer
*train engineer
Time-out Torturer
Bathguard (kinda like lifeguard, but making sure she doesn’t pour the whole container of bubbles in the water, on the floor, etc..)
Medicine distributor
Personal hair stylist
Nightmare therapist
Cheerleader
silly song writer/creator
Coloring partner
tooth inspector
This was fun to think about and I’m sure I’ll think of many more while I’m mindlessly folding laundry…..unless one of the above housekeepers would like to help! LOL 🙂
My other duties include:
– Memory for all members of the house on where they put it, took it off, or lent it.
– tutor for all topics (including aircraft, airplane safety and power plant systems)
– lifeguard during bath time
– Lego taker-aparter
– bed time warden
Lol girl! my daughter has to have miralax everyday too! which on top of what u said makes me the ” ughhh yucky! clean up the poopy potty mom!!!” to her twin brother. yay… did I say yay yet??
Baby Bodyguard * CapriSun Straw Stabber * Entertainment Negotiator (Barbe Movie or Cars????) * Anatomy & Physiologist (“Mom, why can’t I see my head?”) * Lullaby-er * Outside Toy Patroller (keeping 12 yr olds off the power wheels, etc) * TV Censor (No, 6 yr old daughter, you can’t watch Titanic even on TBS)
I am laughing so hard right now! Great post…
Referee between said 5 yr old and said 70 yr old
Idea maker for dinner
Professional story teller of the past…ya know because she’s 5 and she wants to know what she did when she was a baby/toddler..
Professional maker-upper of how things are made and why they are made
Professional Magician of making things disappear and reappear!! 🙂