Separation Anxiety

We’re dealing with some separation anxiety at our house. Well, maybe “we’re” not, but I sure am! Last night was a big milestone in Sammy’s life… he slept in his own room for the first time! And I was sad!

He had been sleeping in his swing in our room. Wrapped in his Miracle Blanket (thanks Sophie!), he had been sleeping for 10-12 hours straight. It was awesome. But the last week or so, he’s been waking up every hour or two, nursing for 10 minutes or so, and then going back to sleep. I theorized that he wasn’t comfortable in his swing, and that’s why he was waking up. So, we moved him to his crib.

It was so strange last night after the kids had gone to bed… I could watch tv, get my stuff ready for the morning, and talk to Andy without worrying I was going to wake up Sam. I was sad that Sammy wasn’t in our room with us (he is growing up! wah!) but at the same time felt slightly liberated, too.

However, this grand scheme didn’t result in a full night’s sleep for any of us. He still woke up every two hours or so. Only then I had to trudge down the hall (ok it’s like 10 feet, but still) to get him. So that was unfortunate.

I’m not sure what to do to help him sleep better. Did I mention I’m still nursing him to sleep? Yeah, so that might be part of the problem. But I am nervous about stopping that, too! It works so well. Until he wakes up. I am generally a big fan of Dr. Ferber, but he’s still a little young for that, so I’m not sure where to go from here. I could do nothing, I guess, but waking up every couple hours is draining.

What would you do (or did you do) in this situation? While I’m waiting for your words of wisdom, I’m just going to go have another cup of coffee…

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10 Replies to “Separation Anxiety”

  1. He’s going on 4 months…could he just need a bit more in his belly to make it through the night?

    Have you guys thought about trying a bit of oatmeal baby cereal on him around dinner/before bath time? (I always did oatmeal –for the fiber– w/my three since rice cereal resulted in constipation). He’s old enough that if he slurps down that oatmeal, you can add some baby applesauce or something to make it even tastier…so he eats more…and he sleeps more!

    He’s a mighty big little man…he may just be genuinely hungry.

    🙂

  2. I agree with Marianne. He may just need something that lasts a little longer in his belly. Once my children started eating cereal, they slept much better.

  3. I didn’t introduce cereal until almost 6mos – but at 4 months I did introduce formula for the first time. I started with a nighttime bottle, too – which will help when you’re ready to wean him (I just weaned my daughter, Claire, at 10 mos…. a little sad!). Anyways, every child is different of course, but Claire wasn’t ready for solids at 4mos, so a little formula was the right compromise. We started with 2oz before bed, and then I would still nurse her a little bit. After about a month, we were up to 4oz before bedtime with only occasional nursing, and she slept like a dream.

    I don’t see a problem with nursing them to sleep – i did until Claire didn’t need it anymore, and she kind of told me when that was 🙂

    Alternative theory – this is exactly when Claire started to teethe. Could that be it? Try infant tylenol before bedtime one night, and see if that helps to keep him asleep. If it does – then you’ll know that it’s probably teething and that it will ebb & flow (in regards to how much it bothers him). There was a good 3-week period where we had to give Claire tylenol every night or she couldn’t fall asleep because the discomfort was so distracting for her. She was like a little birsie addict – she would open her mouth and chirp until we gave it to her. Jeez. But when the bad phase of teething passed, so did the tylenol 🙂

    Boy I rambled, didn’t I?

    (ps – either of you guys talked to your cousin, Melissa P in NY? How’s she feeling? We miss her in OH!)

  4. He’s probably just going thru a growth spurt. They happen at like, 3 wks, 6 wks, 12 wks, etc etc…my son did the same thing during his growth spurts. And introducing formula might not be the answer, and it might be the answer, you know? My son was formula fed from the beginning and he still woke up during the night during a growth spurt. Formula is not the thick heavy stuff it was when we were babies…it’s generally the compound of breast milk, meaning, it empties from their bellies almost as quickly. In the meantime, I’d say order a triple shot at Starbucks…but since you’re nursing, that would compound the ‘baby wakes up’ problem!

  5. Could it be he’s reverse cycling? Sometimes nursing babies of working moms nurse more frequently at night than other babies their age. Some suspect they prefer the breast to the bottle, others say it’s for bonding…etc. I found that Brooklynn definitely nursed more at night than my peers babies, which was a Godsend for me in a way, since I had such a hard time getting decent yields with the pump. My DH’s SIL said several of her 5 children did this as well – her first would not even accept a bottle. She just waited to nurse all night long when mom was home.

  6. Both of mine started doing the same thing at this same age- I think that for them it was just hitting a new developmental stage and that told me that they were ready to learn to self soothe. Easier said than done! But my doc also told us at our 4-mo appointments that this was the ideal time to do it– the older they get, the more they find to keep themselves awake!

    I was also nursing them to sleep, and you’re right- it is sooo nice and easy!

    With our youngest, who just turned one, we’ve been putting him to bed for months now with pacifiers where he can reach them AND a special ‘lovey’. If he can find those in the middle of the night, he’s good to go! I don’t know if that counts as ‘self-soothing’ or not. 🙂

    Whatever you do, good luck! May God give you plenty of rest, and good coffee as needed!

  7. My personal expeirence is as follows: For all of my seven children, I exclusively breastfed for 6 months, and only introduced baby cereal to one child at this point. All my other children were about 8-9 months before they started eating baby food. As a Mom, you should have enough milk to keep him content.

    Things to check:

    How long is he nursing. If he is nursing for 5 minutes of less ( on one breast), he is probably not getting the hind milk, which is the fatty milk. This means he is only getting the liquidy watery milk, satiating him for a bit, but not enough.

    Is he needing comfort? He might be having a growth spurt, teething ( one of my children had her first tooth at 5 months) or just plain belly aches from somethign you ate. A food diary is much trouble, but it can help determine possible allergies or reactions to foods, if this concerns you.

    I have read different accounts of Moms giving babies cereal at young ages, leading to some health issues, digestive problems, even rapid weight gain. If you think you are not having enough milk to feed your baby, there are different medicines you can take (natural medicines) and even drinking beer to help your milk rise. Read up on it. 🙂

    Now, apart from these things, a baby might want to breastfeed and stay latched to you for a long time. Especially at night. We discovered the easiest was to keep our babies happy: stay in bed with us. Now, there are dangers, but they are preventable. My hubby stayed out of our bed for about 6 months, which permitted me to install a bed gate on the side, put rolled up blankets and set up a safe area for the baby. My own blankets were light, easy to move. No huge pillows, cushions or anything dangerous was around. For our first child, I was obsessed with letting her sleep in her crib, but I foudn myself severly sleep-deprived (she ate every 2 hours) because by the time she was done eating, I would fall asleep about 15 minutes and she was ready for more. Both hubby and I were in ?University at thsi point, so no possible nap-times for either of us. No sleep for about 1 month made me decide to try the sleeping in bed thing. In the end, this method was used for all 7 kids, having them near me made me sleep better, them hearing my heartbeat reassured them without nursing some nights, and they eventually got old enough to latch on without trouble in the middle of the night.

    This is all my personal experience, and I would suggest researching different solutions and ideas, and staying within your realm of comfort. Sorry if I sound preachy and short today, I need more coffee myself. 🙂

  8. I agree with the girls, he might be ready for something more. My doctor recommended cereal once a day at four months so we would do that in the evenings and it really helped our little one to get through the night. Good luck!!!

  9. Okay, yes I would try some cereal in a bowl, not a bottle.

    Other than that, the ferber thing is okay to follow, meaning this: Let him cry for just a little bit (like 3 minutes) then go in and feed him, like, 4 ounces (if he takes it). Then put him back to bed. The next time he wakes up, do the same thing. The next night, increase the wait time to like 4 minutes and only give him 3.5 ounces. Each night you can keep bumping up the wait time and decreasing the amount you give him. Or you can keep it the same for like 3 nights, then do the changes & keep it for 3 more nights, then change again, etc. If you are nursing in the middle of the night, instead of counting ounces just count number of minutes nursing (you will need to have a digital clock for that).
    That’s what I did with my kids and it’s tough to hear them cry and I always worried about them waking the other kids, but you’ll look back later and say, “That wasn’t so bad.” GOOD LUCK!

  10. It could be his pajamas. Some babies don’t like polyester pajamas. Check the fiber content. My oldest could only wear 100% cotton until she was a year. When we tried polyester/fleece pajamas, she woke up every 2 hours. It just rubbed her wrong, or she got too hot.

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