Mommin' It Up!

June 1, 2015

Desperate Times Call for FREAKING OUT

Today is the first Monday of my first summer as a work at home mom with KIDS OUT OF SCHOOL. To say I’m nervous about this enterprise is an understatement. I work about 30 hours a week and I have child care 14 hours a week.

It seems that perhaps the odds are not in my favor.

Jonah has summer school June 15-July 12 so basically I’m living for June 15th right now. At least then I will have four hours a day when he’s not perpetually pissed off that Joshua would rather play Minecraft than play with him. Of course that week the big kids are also in VBS, so I have to drop Jonah off (15 minutes each way. Last year summer school was at the school 90 seconds from my driveway. This year, ACROSS TOWN.) and then truck it back home , be home for 15 minutes, and take the big kids to VBS. So really I shouldn’t be that excited about the week of June 15th I guess.

*tears out hair*

I need to go read some blogs about how to organize your life when you’re a work at home mom in the summer that does NOT involve spending 75% of my income on day camps.

But I didn’t get up at 5:45 to do THAT, so I better just get to work and see how much I can get done before they jump out of bed at the crack of 7:30 (The time at which I have told them they may emerge, you KNOW they are awake before that. Maybe THAT’S why I hate summer, DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT JUDGY PEOPLE? MY KIDS DON’T SLEEP IN!) and get to work.

But first I am going to read every single square on this and laugh a LOT. And guzzle coffee. You’re welcome. Happy June, everyone!

(Click on the pic to be able to read it well. It’s hilarious!)

May 20, 2015May 19, 2015

Bruce is a Nice Name

Well, guys, it’s D-Day. Really H-Day, but that doesn’t sound so catchy, now does it?

By the time you read this, Emily will begin her transition from a being woman ~~to being a man~~ with a uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes, to being one without those oft-crucial but now unnecessary and troublesome parts.

Yesterday I was at the OB-GYN for my yearly fun and to follow-up on that business with MY ovaries from last month (apparently the SuperCousins are keepin’ the doc’s kids in college this year) and so I said, “Hey ya know, Dr. P, Emily was in the OR when I had my last C-section so I think I should be allowed into the OR when you do her hysterectomy on Wednesday so I can live tweet it!”

She laughed really hard.

And then she said NO.

DANGIT! Can you believe that?? Dr. Buzzkill! She also told me I can’t make Emily laugh for 2 weeks, which is going to be difficult because

a) I am naturally hilarious and

b) I plan to be by her side literally 24/7 as she recovers. (Except for when I’m working, sleeping, taking care of my kids, showering, running carpool, at speech with Jonah, or at church.)

But I’ll try not to make her literally bust a gut.

Anyway, naturally last night we had one final text convo before the big change:

I won’t screen shot what Emily texted next because she will literally kill me as soon as she regains her strength. SO. Sorry!

Anyway, on the off chance Em does wake up a dude, instead of just a lady with no lady innards, I’ve been thinking about what name she should give her male persona. And since the famous Olympian-turned-reality-star-turned-chick has recently vacated the name “Bruce” – I think that’s definitely on the table!

I’ll keep you updated on Facebook on how Em is doing, especially if I get any videos of her getting wacky on painkillers.

But really…she appreciates your prayers as she gets operated on and recovers tomorrow. I’ll keep you posted!

May 14, 2015May 14, 2015

This is Why You ALWAYS Check Your Dates Out on Ancestry.com

Hey remember that time I told you that I am my own Grandpa? And Emily is her own Grandma? And we are related to each other twice because we are so inbred that if we ever got into a fight we’d have to disown each other like 12 times to make it official? ‘Member, ‘member? In case you’ve forgotten, here’s the diagram!

Well, recently, things in our family tree got a whole! lot! more! confusing! And of course, fun…

{cue banjo music}

You see, a few weeks ago, my mom and dad took my cousin Amy and her husband Tom on a trip to their place in Virginia. Amy is my first cousin on my dad’s side (i.e. not related to Emily) and she and Tom have been married about 6 years. Aren’t they cuuuuuute?

They had a great time on their trip. Tom is a grizzly mountain man like my dad so they enjoyed manly stuff like hunting and fishing and what-not. However, it wasn’t until the car ride home that the party really got started.

“Aunt Diane,” said Amy, “I can’t believe I’ve never thought of this before, but Tommy’s mom’s maiden name is Burns.”

My mom’s maiden name is Burns, as is Emily’s.

“Oh where is she from?” said my mom.

“Clay County, Kentucky.” said Amy.

Guess who else is from Clay County, Kentucky? My grandparents! My mom and Emily’s dad were born there. WITH THE LAST NAME BURNS.

“I’m sure we’re related!” said my mom excitedly.

And within hours, she had discovered that we are related to my cousin’s husband.

I am my cousin’s cousin. I am also my cousin’s husband’s cousin.

{Turn up the banjo music.}

Emily is my cousin! And she’s also my cousin’s husband’s cousin!

Confused yet? Slightly grossed out? No worries! Tom and Amy are not related {that we know of}.

But I am related to them BOTH. Rock on! Need a visual aid??
OKAY!

Emily and I are 6th cousins to Tom. And I am first cousin to Amy. Tom got to meet his newfound cousins, Emily and her kids, and her dad (my Uncle Dan) at our extended family Mother’s Day picnic the other day. ALL COUSINS! SO MANY COUSINS!

So my cousin has been married to my cousin for 6 years.

And I had no idea.

But let me stress again, they are not each other’s cousins. So it’s cool.

HOWEVAH, All my children’s dates will be thoroughly researched on Ancestry.com. JUST IN CASE.